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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - expecting first child and DH has bought a season ticket

92 replies

Herbivore234 · 23/07/2018 13:47

Hi all,

I am expecting my first child in December and DH has just acquired a season ticket to watch his football team. This year there are 16 matches planned that he can go to, some of which are before the baby will be born and 7 of which are between Jan-May when our baby will be very young - the first is Jan 19th, and in March-April there are three that occur every other week.

Am I being unreasonable to ask him to give some of these tickets away, so that it isn't such a strain on me?

I think he is blissfully unaware of how difficult the first few months may be (as am I, I'm sure), and he is also out of the house 10/11 hours a day Monday-Friday. I have explained that on these weekends it would leave me as the sole childcare provider for 6 out of 7 days, which would be unfair.

I also feel a bit resentful that he has laid out a series of Saturdays where he will be busy, which feels unfair considering I won't have the luxury to make this kind of choice too.

Has anyone else encountered this sort of situation? And how did/do you get around it?!

Thanks in advance x

OP posts:

NorthStarGrassman · 23/07/2018 19:58

It will definitely not be 90min or a couple of hours. My dh takes ds to local matches sometimes. It’s 30min to get there, arrive an hour early so they can park, two hours for the match, easily an hour to get home again if not more with post match traffic. So that’s 4.5 - 5hr without any sniff of a post match pint and a relatively close ground.

MrsAidanTurner · 23/07/2018 20:10

I would not be happy either I lived for weekends and a break with first with second, after first month I wouldn't have minded at all.

But with first... No. He has his whole entire life to go to football and only one first born.

ForalltheSaints · 23/07/2018 20:17

Most football clubs have a 'buy back' scheme where you can say you are not going and they will offer the seat to someone else, and you get some money back.

My other thoughts are nothing to do with the future DD or DS but would depend on the football team he supports!

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 23/07/2018 20:17

I'd have no issue with this. Is he never expected to do anything outside of work ever again? He's not out having fun all day but at work so he can pay the bills etc.

cptartapp · 23/07/2018 20:49

If ff then it's not a problem, if bf, as long as you express and get baby to take a bottle from very early on ( I did at 10 days), there's absolutely no reason why you can't 'have the same luxury'. Why ever not?

FraterculaArctica · 23/07/2018 21:02

I'm going to disagree and say YANBU. A difficult baby can absolutely require both parents to be full on for many, many months after the birth. Our first DC was a screaming non sleeping horror. DH and I averaged 3-4 hours broken sleep for his first 10 months and we were both close to suicidal for much of that. Live was solely about survival and our weekends were a string of cancelled engagements. DH would have been neither physically capable of having 'hobbies' nor uncaring enough to risk further my mental health.

As the posts above show this is a very minority experience, but it can happen. Only you know if your DH will be prepared to write off his football ticket if it all goes pear shaped.

loveisland · 23/07/2018 21:03

Yabu! I was relieved when H went out to do his hobby golf twice a week! You will soon be glad of the peace!

Narnia72 · 23/07/2018 21:15

It's an absolute nightmare, OP you definitely are NOT BU! Yes, I am shouting!!

My OH has been a fan of a big London club all his life, and when we were childfree, although I found the constraints a bit irksome (dictated when we got married, when we could go on holiday etc) I was often off doing my own thing, so it was bearable.

However, after we had kids it causes the most arguments in this house. We moved an hour outside London, and every match takes up a whole Saturday or Sunday in travel and all the pre/post match crap. Even worse if it's a weekday match, as I often work in the evenings (instrument teacher) and am left to try and wrangle 3 small children to bed or get them to be quiet whilst I teach.

The worst thing about the fucking premier league BY FAR is the fact that they change the games all the time without any notice. So OH puts all the games into our shared calendar at the beginning of the season, but then there are huge numbers of caveats (if we win x then y game will be moved from Tuesday to Wednesday), but they also just move them according to TV schedules. So some arse in programming will suddenly decide to schedule a game and it moves from 3pm on a Saturday to 5.30pm on a Sunday or 8pm on a Tuesday. Often with little notice.

I can't plan, he will buy tickets for the kids the obligatory 2 months ahead of the match for a weekend game, only to find it's now a weeknight and they can't possibly use the tickets.

IT DOES MY HEAD IN. I HATE PREMIER LEAGUE FOOTBALL.

My advice to anyone contemplating marrying a serious football fan is - DON'T - unless you are a similar fan or you are not planning to have kids, or indeed any kind of a life that might involve holidays or planning of any kind during the football season.

I really really wish one of my 3 had arrived on a football match day, so I could have seen where his loyalties lie. He was relieved never to have been tested.

ETA He is a lovely man and excellent father in all other ways, and I hadn't realised (although he had tried to tell me) how all encompassing football is to him. This is our main bone of contention, and if he'd started as a season ticket holder when I was pregnant with my first I would have been livid

Darkstar4855 · 23/07/2018 23:43

I think YABU not to let him have a hobby PROVIDED he helps out the rest of the time and you also get time out for yourself while he looks after the baby.

I’m also due in December and I’m trying to encourage my partner to keep up with his hobbies. I’d rather he had a few hours out every week doing something for himself and having a chance to relax than if he was home more but was stressed out and miserable because all he did was go to work and then come home and help me with the baby. But I also know he would happily take over for me so I could have time out if I needed it and that’s what makes the difference.

Purpleartichoke · 24/07/2018 02:30

He is being ridiculous. The first 3 months are intense. Neither of you should be scheduling anything that isn’t necessary.

I really don’t understand the posters who claim a newborn should be anything other than a complete upheaval to both parent’s lives. Or are they just expecting the mother to be the only one making sacrifices. I thought we were past that.

Maidsrus · 24/07/2018 02:59

YADNBU. He is being selfish

For those saying you should get an equal amount of baby free time - when? Sunday? When is family time? A few hours each day at weekend when you’re both prepping for your own days out is a bit rubbish

Sacrifices often have to be made when babies come along, and more often than not it’s the woman making those sacrifices while men happily continue to have their man hobbies

Fivelittleduckies · 24/07/2018 03:02

Yabu to ask him to give away tickets from now. You cannot know from now how the early months with your newborn will be until you experience them. Can you not just wait and see and play it by ear rather than getting resentful and seeking he takes action from now?

mathanxiety · 24/07/2018 03:56

YANBU.
Ask him how he is going to fit in his fair share of parenting, between work and football.

Rowgtfc72 · 24/07/2018 04:55

I had a season ticket and used it four days before dd arrived. I missed two games, was still in hospital for the first (dd was induced at 37 weeks) and too sore for the second. Went to the rest of the season. Dd joined me at 6 weeks, dh used to collect her at half time after a feed.

Football was my thing and luckily dh appreciated this. Dd came to games with me until she was a lively toddler and dh changed shifts. Saturday's were then the only day we could spend together as we both worked full time. I stopped going. I regret this but I had to weigh up what was best for us as a family.

I think you're going to have to play it by ear. Some weeks he'll have to put you first, some weeks he comes first. Babies sleep well at football matches, think its the white noise of the crowd.

merrykate · 24/07/2018 05:32

Ah yes. I remember this situation well. I was at home Mon-Fri alone on maternity leave. Saturday arrives, Ex would leave mid morning to watch his team, have a few pints, return after 6pm, fall asleep on the sofa and that was it, Saturday over. I became so resentful. It was just another reason to break up. Maybe your partner will be different to mine, for your sake I hope so. I just thought one season off wouldn't kill him.

SaturdaySauv · 24/07/2018 06:16

In my view YANBU. Our DD was due in February and my DH didn’t renew his for the season after she was born and only went to a few games in the remaining few months of the season she was born in. It was an 8 hour activity all in so would have meant being alone with the baby every other Saturday as well as long hours in the week (7am-7pm at a minimum).

We agreed for the next season that he’d buy tickets as and when it suited everyone for him to go which worked out well. He goes to big games and those his friends are going to and makes the most of his time off- beers and lunch before and beers after.

GrandTheftWalrus · 24/07/2018 06:57

I gave up my season ticket when I was pregnant as a lot of DPs work is weekends and we'd have no one to look after DD when she was tiny. However I do still go to games when I can.

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