To think having an imaginary partner is okay?

[AvaJune]

Right, I really really REALLY don't know if it's a good idea to post what I am about to post but I think I gathered all my bravery so here it goes.

I've been with my partner for 4 years. I love him and he loves me. We had our ups and downs mainly because of his job. He travels abroad loads (1-2-3 weeks/ month it depends) with his work and I wasn't really coping well with it. It was always an issue right from the beginning of our relationship. I struggled up till about 5-6 months ago when I started having an imaginary boyfriend. I sort of just daydream about him when my partner is away. It comforts me and makes me miss my partner less. It also helped our relationship loads. I'm much less upset when my partner goes away. Also not getting upset over stuff like not calling me or not immediately answering my messages. I know it sounds bad (and it is) but before I expected him to call and text all the time. Don't get me wrong we still speak when he's away but I'm not putting pressure on him anymore and I feel so much better about myself now.
On the other hand tho... does this count as emotional cheating? Am I ok ? Do I have mental issues? Or I'm fine? Anyone has experienced something like this before??

I think retreating into a fantasy world in order to make your reality bearable, is a dangerous game. Why don't you think you deserve having your needs met in real life by your actual partner? What about putting your emotional energy into making real life meet your needs, hopes and desires?

It's not cheating because ... This boyfriend doesn't exist...

But it is weird.

I wouldn't worry OP. I live a whole double life in my head (one filled with rich, handsome lovers and exotic holidays abroad). Doesn't mean I love DH and DS any less. I too use it as a stress-coping / relaxation strategy. I imagine it's fairly common.

I think you are overcompensating for a lackof attention from your partner. How are things when he is home? How often do you speak when he is away.

How do you "use" your imaginary boyfriend? Do you talk to them when you're alone? So it feels like you have company?

Well, we all have different coping strategies, so if this one works for you..

Only other thought is whether you have things you like to do when OH is away. Do you have any interests or things to throw yourself into?

I would say totally fine. Your thoughts are yours alone and if it helps you at the moment that's perfectly ok!

I think it's strange. My DH sometimes goes away and it can be hard. But I tend to just get on with stuff when he is away.
I do miss him but woukd never think of having an imaginary partner.

You aren't doing anything wrong, nor are you alone - plenty of women fantasise about a fictional lover.

Your imaginary boyfriend won't be around forever but if he helps you right now while you sort out what you want from life, all well and good.

When he is home I'm with him. We have a lot going on in our lives from moving to job hunting, catching up on what's been going on takes some time and we have some hobbies together. I know I'm not a 100% happy with my life but as well I'm not unhappy either. When he is away we speak almost every day or if not texting quite a lot. He's job is full on and I made it clear for him that I'm not willing to think about having kids etc while he's working like this. I'm not bribing him just don't want to feel like I'm a single mum.

I'm doing my own stuff when he is away. Working and studying. Don't have a hide social life (which maybe I should have) but I'm kinda ok with that 🤷‍♀️

I think if you're questioning it you're sensing you're not happy deep down. How often do you talk to him when he's away vs what you would like?

I don't think it's normal at all. We all daydream, but to have the same imaginary boyfriend means that you're really really lacking in fulfillment. When I feel lonely I join groups... For me when I moved to a new town away from my boyfriend I joined a drama group and ended up so busy that I didn't have time to feel lonely. I think your mental health is hugely suffering here and you need to get out and about meeting people as a matter of some urgency.

I'd say I am happy. I have a lot going on in my life with work and family but the only thing I'm certain of right now is that I can count on my partner and that he loves me. So in my relationship I'm happy... with my life pfff I don't know

How do you interact with this imaginary boyfriend? And do you ever compare him to your real one?

I'll be honest, it's not quite right, but much depends on how deep into this is, and how "real"you think he is. The fact you think you might be cheating is a bit of a red flag.

I have one too. He’s really good in bed.
I’ve always had a rich fantasy life, but a pretty good real life too. I’m actually quite happy and pretty happy with DH, just he’s real, therefore isn’t perfect and doesn’t find me endlessly fascinating like my imaginary man does. Life’s dull sometimes, so why not invent something more interesting?
Now I write. I’m writing a novel- maybe you could try that? We’re creative, that’s all.

I think it’s fucking nuts. Frankly.

Haha. I am 99.9% sure he is not real. That's for sure! and I don't wish he was. You know I made him up in my mind using all the qualities I like in a man ergo he's perfect but there is no such thing in life! There is no 'perfect man or woman' in real life and life would be bloody boring if it was perfect all the time. I am aware of the fact that my imaginary boyfriend is not real and usually get bored of him after a few days (how funny that sounds) and miss my partner and look forward for him to come home.

I was thinking about writing too! I should give it a go! Glad to see I'm not completely on my own @ Nuffaluff

@OuchLegoHurts well you made a good point there. I think I should have a better social life and meet people but every time I tried I got so fed up with everyone complaining and all their shit. I know it sounds awful but honestly people I met (and I'm not saying everyone is like this but! ) complaining about ducking brexit, their kids, the weather, their health and it goes on.

But if u were in a group, busy doing something you all enjoy...eg. drama, tennis etc you wouldn't really be having those conversations much. I'm in drama and tennis and we just get on with the task at hand, rather than chatting all evening. It gets me out and I'm tired when I come home. Too tired to be bothered with my real husband... Let alone another fantasy one

I think it’s fucking nuts. Frankly.

Really? Why?

Similar to Nuffaluff, I have an amazing 'real' life and a rather fabulous fantasy life, too. After all, in the words of one of my favourite songs: 'Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind'

The imagination is powerful beyond belief. Enjoy yours, OP

I have a good social life. I used to go to things to meet people, but that’s where I went wrong.
Now I go for the activity that I enjoy, so choir, book group, gym, etc. Meeting people is just a side effect, but they end up being friends because we have shared interests.

And to the poster who said it’s fucking nuts.
Yes, it is, and I like it.

I'm confused. And a couple of posters have asked how you use/interact with Imaginary. Can you elaborate?

I'm struggling to see how the set up is.