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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what you’d tell your 30 year old self?

106 replies

Gravitatewhere12 · 22/07/2018 18:49

It was my 30th birthday yesterday and today I’m feeling thoroughly depressed for a number of reasons although I know I’ve got everything in the world to look forward to.

I thought it might be interesting to hear what people would say to their 30 year old self if they could. I don’t want to look back with any regrets.

OP posts:
ZispinAndChaga · 22/07/2018 19:24

I was discharged by the CMHT at 30 and my longterm therapy ended and I felt completely abandoned and given up on. I would tell myself that it can be okay without all that. That you can find your own solutions, and learn to cope without a crappy cruch that was never there, really; only an illusion. It's down to you. But you can do it.

Basta · 22/07/2018 19:26

If you decide to leave this man who is a perfectly decent guy, even if he doesn't set your world on fire, you won't have another proper relationship for at least 14 years, in which time you will meet an assortment of dickheads, arseholes and cockwombles.

dear30yome · 22/07/2018 19:27

He’s not the perfect husband and it’s not you that’s unreasonable, uncaring and unaffectionate - He’s abusive.

BoomBoomsCousin · 22/07/2018 19:28

Don’t have kids. Lean in to your career (and go for the money).

HectorlovesKiki · 22/07/2018 19:30

The most important thing in life is love - friends, family & animals.

Life is about experiences & not about acquiring material goods.

Nurture your soul and find the joy in simple things, like nature & wildlife. Remember, you are good enough.

Life can be an adventure, think positive & treat others as you would want to be treated - you won't go far wrong.

Be the joy in other people's lives - it's just as satisfying for you.

The only person who is hurt by hanging on to anger, frustration & resentment is you. So practise forgiveness, it will serve you well in the long run.

Be kind to yourself, as you would a dear friend. Be kind to others also.

Save your money, don't even get a credit card, don't buy designer labels & only buy what you NEED, not what you want.

Accept that you are still young, your skin is young, & your muscles toned. You may think you are old & fat but years later you will look at photos of you as a 30 year old & realise that you were gorgeous.

Never think you need a partner to be complete. Be relaxed about love & it will come. People who fret about love appear desperate & frighten potential partners away.

Realise that we are all unique, don't try to emulate other people & nourish your authentic self. Always be true to yourself, be yourself & do not care less about what people think about you. You'll never really know what they think anyway but it is more important what you think about yourself.

Always act with integrity & you can hold your head high, regardless.

OurMiracle1106 · 22/07/2018 19:30

Not (quite) 30 yet but I’m telling myself look how far you’ve come in the last 3 years. You’ve already achieved more than you ever thought possible. Keep going. Don’t give up. There will be times when you need to rest a while or take a step back and that’s ok but giving up is not!!!

Flirty 30 here I come!!!

VioletCharlotte · 22/07/2018 19:35

Seriously, stop wasting our time on that guy. He's not that into you and is just using you for sex. Forget about men for a bit and focus on your kids!

Cut down on your drinking. And stop smoking!

Be strong, and don't let abusive ex bully you. You've come this far, you can get through this.

Life will soon get better... hang on in there!

Plsbemyturn · 22/07/2018 19:37

I wish I looked into my finance closer when I was 30. I gave away tens of thousands of pounds after i sold my house in London because I felt I can earn those back. I took a career gap to look after my 3 children, career suicide mean I never will earn anywhere near where I used to be. I have little pension saved, worry about not getting a job to survive at old age! Now my retirement is dependent on my husband. It's never good to dependent on someone else financially.

golddustwoman84 · 22/07/2018 19:39

Stop drinking

It took me another 2 hard years to get dry. You can do it, and once you do your whole life is ahead of you.

HildaZelda · 22/07/2018 19:47

@JeanBodel, I really hope so. I'm 38 (nearly 39) My 30's have been hell in so many ways and I'm really stressed and anxious with various health issues at the moment. I really hope that for me life might finally begin at 40 :(

pennycarbonara · 22/07/2018 19:50

I gave away tens of thousands of pounds after i sold my house in London because I felt I can earn those back.

Yeah, this strikes a chord, being cavalier, spunking money away and assuming you will be able to earn it back.

DesignStatement · 22/07/2018 20:35

I'd say - life is no rehearsal. This is it. Enjoy ever minute. Ditch people, places and things that drag you down. Don't work so hard, big earnings are no compensation for missing out on things important to you. You can't buy back time with loved ones.

Problems happen - illness comes. How you handle things makes all the difference. Take control ~ say 'I can do it, I will do it!

Choccywoccyhooha · 22/07/2018 20:46

Don't leave London, it's impossible to get back on the property ladder there once you've left.
Exercise, the longer you don't the harder it is.
2 children is plenty, maybe even 1.
Again, do NOT move out of London. Just don't.

WipsGlitter · 22/07/2018 20:48

Drink less
Explore getting a green card
Get your spending under control

Deadringer · 22/07/2018 20:52

Make the most of being young and attractive, screw around a bit and have fun, and if you can squirrel away some money for the future do it.

JimWilsonBell · 22/07/2018 20:54

The best is yet to come.

I'm glad my life has taken the path it has but I wish I'd told myself to spend more time with by best friend, she was killed in tragic circumstances.

Save more money - stuff is always stuff!!

Be brave - it took me years to return to education to get a degree. And leave my then husband.

Kiss and cuddle your babies more because 12 years later they won't want as many!

Notabee · 22/07/2018 20:58

Get help now, don't leave it until it becomes such an issue that it tries to consume you.
Block contact with those that mistreated you.
Enjoy your figure that you think isn't great, you'll never be this young again.
Enjoy your health whilst you have it.

[flowers]@fieryginger

iddybiddymum · 22/07/2018 20:59

Follow your heart. I quit my career to travel the world before I reached 30.
I returned without a career and 3 years later , I just had a baby. It's hard not knowing what to do for a job, but I'm alive , happy and so is my daughter. Views and priorities change. You adapt. I'm glad I followed my heart as my head definitely said DO NOT quit your career 😬

Desmondo2016 · 22/07/2018 21:01

Crack on and leave him

Fooferella · 22/07/2018 21:02

Start the Open University now. Don't wait until you're 40 with a small child, a husband and no energy.

Appreciate your only slightly wobbly tum and only slightly wobbly thighs. They are much more wobbly now!

Move back to your home country, you have no idea how much you'll miss them once you have a child and no money with which to visit them.

Stop sitting around moaning and just go do something... anything...

MyOtherHusbandIsTomHardy · 22/07/2018 21:03

That by the time you're 40 you will feel much more settled and content so stop worrying.

Don't let them change dd class during her first year at secondary.

Don't have your sisters as bridesmaids and don't invite your sisters dick boyfriend as he will try his best to ruin it.

Use the inheritance to learn to drive and save some instead of frittering it.

NotASingleFuckToGive · 22/07/2018 21:05

Just because you left a level 8 bastard, you shouldn't see a level 6 one as being an improvement- and love yourself enough to believe that.

Missillusioned · 22/07/2018 21:05

You look fabulous. Buy some nice clothes that show off your figure and appreciate it.

Tippexy · 22/07/2018 21:05

I think OP wanted general advice not poster specific advice...?

BonnieF · 22/07/2018 21:14

You’re right about not wanting to have kids. You won’t change your mind and you won’t regret it.

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