Older man on holiday

[lplo]

Currently on holiday in Spain. (All inclusive)

Just venting and wondering if you would be annoyed to.

There's an older man with his family he must be around 80 years old. He likes to sit and stare at people but seems very bitter and concerned with others.

Situation 1- dp asked me at dinner if I would go get him some more potatoes, older man was watching and as I sat back down he turned to his daughter and clicked his fingers to his daughter ( to say oh she's under the thumb), he was sitting beside us just staring so I glared at him. Dp does loads for me so why would I not.

Situation 2- dd aged 3 was running towards the pool so I got up and followed her. Older man moved a chair to sit and watch people playing table tennis and I stood on an empty plastic cup he owned which had been under the chair. I was occupied by reaching my daughter so walked in and when I got her and looked back he passive aggressively picked up his own cup and put it in the bin whilst tutting at me.

He's really pissing me off

If it really persists in annoying you, then go up to him, smile and say I just thought I'd come over to apologise, I accidentally stepped on your cup the other day and I was so caught up in holiday mode and looking after my DD that I never got chance to apologise, so I'm sorry about that, I wouldn't want you to think I was being rude, smile make some small talk about how their holiday is and what a lovely time you're having, super hotel. Etc. Then be done with it.

I think you're seeing issues that aren't there. The man is old and he may be staring at you and saying to his family "Why does that woman keep staring at/watching me?" - you could be thinking the same things about each other.
A lot of older people do people-watch though and they don't do it to be rude - they do it because they're just not as active and mobile as they used to be.
My elderly dad people-watches a lot and he sometimes stares into absolute space, remembers something and suddenly clicks his fingers or says "Oi" or whatever to me or my sister - he's not being rude, it's just that as he's got older, he's begun to have a few problems with mental function (we're actually wondering if he's got the onset of Dementia) but to strangers he looks completely normal. He's also had people glaring at him, after they've assumed he's watching them when he's actually been having one of his mental lapses and he finds it pretty upsetting because he can't understand why people "hate" him (his words, not mine - again, we're trying to get tests done for Dementia).
As much as he's annoying you, try to see how he might see things - like I said, he might be staring at you because he thinks you're staring at him. Just smile at him next time and then ignore him.
Don't ruin your holiday over it.

My MIL is also a starer - she does it constantly - some people are just nosy by nature x

He is an old ( and most likely bitter) man, he deserves your pity.

Have a massage and a cocktail and avoid him like the plague. This is you, not him, lots of older people are like this and most people pay no attention to it.
Practice mindfulness and relaxation

I don't think you're imagining things, but you are making it into an issue when it doesn't need to be. Don't sit near the grumpy chap and the problem is gone. Or if you do see him, smile and keep walking.

I have chronic anxiety, when I go out I have a default smile. Might be killing me inside but don't let others see your vulnerability.

No, no it isn't that, it's the fact that he's asked her to get them, rather than her offering to get them, but her explanation makes sense for why

So what even if he had asked her. It literally has nothing to do with with op. Have you never asked your oh to get you anything? Sometimes I’m just feeling lazy and I’ll ask hubby to grab me a drink or a snack or anything. Vice versa. It’s the most normal thing in the world.

Is it relevant that it's "All inclusive"?

You're making something out of nothing. Relax and enjoy your holiday.

The all inclusive was because I got my partner potatoes from the buffet. Also see the man every meal as it's all inclusive

How do you know him clicking your fingers means he thinks you're under the thumb?

Tutting at you was rude though.

He sounds like a grumpy old man - just steer clear of him and ignore him. If he is openly rude to you, raise it with hotel staff.

@wellBeehivedWoman because he was sitting beside me on another table looked at his daughter as I sat down and handed dp the plate he clicked his fingers and they both laughed a little and stared at me and my dp.

Why were you watching him? You must've been to see him doing these things so maybe you're making HIM paranoid. I don't really see what the problem is when you can choose to ignore him.

What are the hotel staff going to do about a rude guest?! Abusive of course notify them, but rude??

The best thing to do is smile very sweetly , wave and say hello very enthusiastically. If he was not being rude and just happens to have an unfortunate way of looking at folk then he'll think you're being friendly. if he genuinely was being sneery and rude, it'll annoy the hell out of him but he won't be able to pick you up on it. Result.

@Rhiannon13 i wasn't watching him but I caught him doing what he did out of the corner of my eye and then I looked at them.

There are rude people everywhere. You can't control their actions. So you need to learn to ignore. Or better still, be faintly amused by their grumpiness.

Oh so the daughter is staring as well now?

I still don't see how from that gesture you can reach the conclusion that he's saying you're under the thumb. It's a very specific leap to make!

I'm not saying you're imagining things and he does sound quite rude. But you might be doing things that annoy him too - like crushing the cup and not apologising, or your kids being noisy or some other thing. Sometimes on holiday people rub up against each other. He sounds rude and grumpy so just stay out of his way and ignore him - unless as I said he's rude again, in which case you can mention to hotel staff that you don't want to be seated near him etc in future.

Refer to him loudly as Madge from Benidorm.

Between your all inclusive and the other thread about all inclusive OP's husband wasting milk, they sound like really miserable holidays 😂😂.

I agree with a pp who said it isn’t this man ruining your holiday, it’s your anxiety ruining your holiday.

I’ve been there, OP. I used to have very severe anxiety. I used to think people were looking or staring at me, tutting at me, talking about me, when the reality is most of the time people aren’t even noticing you when they glance in your direction.

If you’re at the point where a man picking up a cup is ruining your holiday, you need to get help for your anxiety. It is possible to recover; I did so myself.

You stood on his cup and he got up to put it in the bin (why hadn’t you enough manners to do it yourself?), and you think he’s out to get you?
Get on with your holiday and stop concerning yourself with what everyone else is doing.
I doubt they’re giving you any headspace at all.

Honestly op just smile and enjoy yourself.

The best revenge is living well.

I bet you paid a fortune for your all inclusive just eat and drink all on offer and ignore the silly fucker.

Love all inclusive as we had 6 kids. get you kids to order 2 ice creams each and maybe order yourself a double vodka and raise your glass and say cheers to him and his dd.

Don’t give them headspace.