I am kicking myself for this and am preparing to be flamed. I really wish I hadn't done it - but at the same time feel so upset for DS.
DS is just coming to end of year 7, his first year at secondary school. It is an all boys school - tough, quite a few issues with behaviour etc. His first term was traumatic to say the least - I can only describe what he went through as a panic attack that went on for a whole term. He hated it so much that he cried morning and night. He was too upset to talk to anyone or make friends. The school had to issue him with a time out card because he was having panic attacks in lessons. . I came very close to moving him to another school much further away (the only place available). I have never seen him so miserable. I spent a lot of time going in and out of the school, talking to his form tutor and head of year. They were amazing and really cooperative about getting him settled. FWIW, I did express my gratitude to them on several occasions.
Amazingly, in the spring term, he turned things around completely. Came out of his state of panic and started making friends. He has done well academically and represented the school at sport. He has had no consequences for bad behaviour in the whole school year. He is now settled and happy, with lots of really nice friends.
This week, there have been a couple of rewards events at the school - in particular a 'by invitation only' evening ceremony. Loads of DS' friends were invited and got awards for things like attendance, good attitude, resilience, helping fellow classmates etc. Ds was not invited. He was not included in any other reward event either. He came home on the evening of the ceremony and wanted to know if I had missed the invitation - but he hadn't had one. He couldn't understand why he wasn't invited and was really disappointed.
Was I unreasonable to have emailed DS' tutor and expressed my disappointment that he wasn't given some acknowledgement for his resilience? I got a short reply saying that unfortunately they can't reward everyone and unfortunately he didn't meet the criteria. I now feel like that awful whinging parent who complains if her little darling doesn't get the best treatment. I also feel like I have shot myself in the foot and created a bad relationship with his tutor. But at the same time I feel that if they had acknowledged his resilience, it would have meant the world to him and would have been such a good end to the year. I can't help but feel so disappointed for him.