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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want dd to drive dd2

100 replies

Jorah · 19/07/2018 19:02

To gymnastics 45 mins away.

She passed her test a few weeks ago, has only been driving alone for a few days.

OP posts:
TaraCave · 19/07/2018 19:07

I'm in the exact same position with my kids! Newly passed driver keen to ferry the younger one about.
So nerve wrecking but you know what ... they've been assessed as safe to drive & passed the test. Us mums have to trust them... but it's so worrying believe me!

Original poster
Jorah · 19/07/2018 19:10

We've ended up having a massive row about it. Great.

OP posts:
WarPigeon · 19/07/2018 19:11

You are not being unfair, youngsters are statistically crap drivers and have zero road experience. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket until you’ve established the basket isn’t shit 😎

MrsJayy · 19/07/2018 19:13

I woukd have gone in the car with them been breezy saying it is great to get a lift and let the girl drive.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 19/07/2018 19:13

Awww I can understand why she wants to but I think you were probably right. She's only just passed she's a much less see driver than almost anyone else on the road and this is a long drive and she might be distracted by her younger sister. I can understand DD1 feeling upset as though you don't trust her though.

Original poster
Jorah · 19/07/2018 19:14

I compromised by saying she could drive but I'd come so I could show her the way. She reversed out of the drive nearly taking the wing mirror off, then drove forward and tried to turn, an inch away from hitting the trailer parked in the drive. I'm afraid I've had a sense of humour failure and now she hates me.

OP posts:
AnnDerry · 19/07/2018 19:15

With my DD I have said - do it with me in the car as well, once, so you can demonstrate that you know the roads/ tricky points of journey and then you can do it with DD2, but that's because on the whole I think DD1 is actually better with DD2 in the car (to read roadsigns etc) than she is by herself. You know your DC though and you are entitled to say no.

AnnDerry · 19/07/2018 19:15

Ah. Missed the update.
You are not unreasonable.

FrouFrouBerlioz · 19/07/2018 19:21

We had the rule that DD1 didn't drive DD2 for six months after she'd passed her test. We have done the same with DD2. The girls have understood and been ok with it. We also didn't let them drive any pairs of siblings for the first six months. New drivers statistically are a high risk and in my experience need time to get used to the roads. Safety has to come first.

Original poster
Jorah · 19/07/2018 19:27

She's driven dd2 to school a couple of times now.

Honestly we had the most terrible row about it (she's driving me mad for other reasons which doesn't help).

OP posts:
Semster · 19/07/2018 19:38

A row is better than the alternative.

It's ok to keep control of this for a while longer.

Semster · 19/07/2018 19:38

How many hours of driving has your DD done at this point?

Original poster
Jorah · 19/07/2018 19:42

About 4!

OP posts:
LemonysSnicket · 19/07/2018 19:45

I remember my mum panicking in the car after I first passed. BLOOODY JESUS GIRL STOP THERES A JUNCTION. Yes mum, 150yards away and I'm slowing down .....

She's passed.

Original poster
Jorah · 19/07/2018 19:46

Dh is very encouraging of her driving but has done precisely nothing - didn't take her out when learning, hasn't sorted car insurance. I've done bloody everything.

I did overreact tbh, but it's worrying me that she's getting cocky about her driving. Saying oh god I wouldn't have hit it, calm down, I'm a good driver etc.

She's livid that I'm implying she's not the best fecking driver in the world. She doesn't want to end up 'a nervous wreck like me'

I'm a fairly good driver, I drive a lot, I'm very sensible. She's a bit.. Over confident.

When she gets her own car I am DEFINITELY getting her a black box as it will encourage her to drive sensibly

OP posts:
LemonysSnicket · 19/07/2018 19:46

Plus, you forget that things look closer from the passenger side. I always feel like my mum is driving in the middle of the road but she can see the line from her side.

LemonysSnicket · 19/07/2018 19:47

She's probably acting cocky because you've hurt her feelings ...

Original poster
Jorah · 19/07/2018 19:48

Lol lemony! I've been really chilled so far!

Honestly she was a whisker away of whacking the wing mirror and if she hadn't stopped she would have hit the trailer. All she had to.do was slow down and reverse slightly but she just didn't get it

OP posts:
Original poster
Jorah · 19/07/2018 19:49

I'm not going to stop her driving! I just don't want her to take dd2 very far!

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 19/07/2018 19:50

None of mine were allowed in cars of anyone until they’d driven without accident for a year. Statistically a crash is more likely to happen in the first year and increases in direct correlation to the number of other youngsters in the car. Make her get some experience unde her belt first.
Get her a black box too as it records her driving and reduces premium for insurance if they are safer.

specialsubject · 19/07/2018 19:51

insist she reverses into the drive as a start. She sounds very careless.

Amanduh · 19/07/2018 19:52

To be fair, I HATE having people in the car breathing down my neck and making me jittery judging everything i’m doing, watching with wide eyes or gasping, shouting that i’m going to hit things, ‘watch out!’ Etc etc. Distracting, pointing out mistakes etc etc. My boyfriend years ago did it when iI’d just learnt. It made me drive badly.

IamalsoSpartacus · 19/07/2018 19:52

Can you build in a process whereby she can earn your trust? My dad wouldn't let me use the family car for 6 months after I passed my test becuase he didn't believe I could drive. I'm still bitter about it now!!

For example, how about she does some Pass Plus lessons, or even the IAM new drivers package, which will teach her about being a good defensive driver who anticipates problems? Then she has an incentive to take more training rather than just seeing you as the person stopping her from driving.

Original poster
Jorah · 19/07/2018 19:53

udging everything i’m doing, watching with wide eyes or gasping, shouting that i’m going to hit things, ‘watch out!’ Etc etc

Yeah, I don't do that though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jorah · 19/07/2018 19:53

For example, how about she does some Pass Plus lessons, or even the IAM new drivers package, which will teach her about being a good defensive driver who anticipates problems? good idea

OP posts:
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