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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want dd to drive dd2

100 replies

Jorah · 19/07/2018 19:02

To gymnastics 45 mins away.

She passed her test a few weeks ago, has only been driving alone for a few days.

OP posts:

ShackUp · 19/07/2018 19:56

I wouldn't let her either.

I know sisters who were in an accident when one sister was a newly qualified driver. The passenger sister died

Goldmandra · 19/07/2018 19:57

DD1 always made mistakes when DH was in the car with her as a new driver. She didn't make those mistakes with me of DD2 in the car with her. It was because he was convinced that she wasn't competent and the stress of knowing that made her live up to his expectations.

I told her that passing her test was good enough for me and let her drive DD2 around from day one.

It's been fine.

She has now been driving for four years and still hates driving with DH in the car. He still assumes she doesn't know what she's doing and tries to tell her.

I think your issue is more about your relationship with her than your driving.

Original poster

Jorah · 19/07/2018 19:59

We have a really close relationship actually. I do let her drive dd2 around. I just felt this was a long drive, she didn't know the way, it was across a motorway with roundabouts.

OP posts:

lalalalyra · 19/07/2018 20:00

How far is her trips taking DD2 to school?

I have to admit - that would have really annoyed me when I was younger. If she's good enough at driving to take her sister to school why is she not good enough to take her to gymnastics?

Also how she drives with you in the car is no indication to how she drives normally. I could never drive with my elder brother in the car (he thought he was like a dad figure to me) because his constant commentary of wincing or sucking air in through his teeth or "CAREFUL!" was positively distracting. I was a shit driver with him in the car.

Original poster

Jorah · 19/07/2018 20:03

Because she knows the drive to school well, she's done it a lot when she was learning. Ditto the local towns.

OP posts:

Stirner · 19/07/2018 20:04

If anybody says anything about my driving they can get out and walk. Hope your daughter takes the same line.

Semster · 19/07/2018 20:06

My DD had to log 75 hours of driving with one of us in the car before she could take her test and it was amazing how much better she got during that time.

I did let her drive fairly long distances with her sister in the car not long after that as she's a very competent careful driver but I wouldn't hesitate to refuse to let her if I was at all worried.

Mailista · 19/07/2018 20:07

O God. I just want to die in a hole, now. Fortunately my DC will actually have to get JOBS if they want driving lessons. At this rate, DC1 will learn to drive in about 2030. I am immensely grateful for this. I have horror of any of them driving one another round. YANNNNNNBU.

Original poster

Jorah · 19/07/2018 20:07

Yeah I rather think she has stirner

It's a pretty shit line though particularly if you've been driving for a month and reverse like a nutter.

OP posts:

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 19/07/2018 20:10

My mum swears blind that I cut up a coach on the motorway. It was 2 fucking lanes away. Driving with your parents can make you edgy and inevitably causes arguments. It's off putting. I refuse to drive with my mum in the front. Take it as a lesson and just don't go in the car with her driving until everyone has relaxed a bit.

BoardingSchoolMater · 19/07/2018 20:11

My DS's school (boarding, obvs) has a complete ban on boys transporting one another around in the sixth form. I wholeheartedly endorse this. One of mine is sixth form, and over my dead body would he be driving either his siblings or his friends anywhere.

Semster · 19/07/2018 20:33

Ah... DD is driving her boarding school friends all over the place this week and next. She's driving one of them to Canada. I do actually need to check that's legal.

Minimonkeysmum · 19/07/2018 20:39

I wasn't allowed to drive anyone else on my own for 3 months after I passed, or be driven by someone until 3 months after they'd passed. Annoying rule at the time, but can totally see why my parents insisted on it (my family are doctors, so saw a lot of the results of accidents from new drivers).

stayathomegardener · 19/07/2018 20:41

10,000 miles or six months experience driving solo before you carry any passengers for our DD.

Big difference is dd was told that before her first lesson.

Too many of her friends had accidents or died in crashes just after passing, one was driving a younger sister who died and she survived.

Stirner · 19/07/2018 20:42

@Jorah - I don't blame - you probably pootle about 10 miles below the speed limit.

Stillme1 · 19/07/2018 20:52

Stirner - I choose not to travel with my DD driving. Her conduct is dreadful. Never sticks to the speed limit. Does not care if the police are checking for speeding. She does all this with her children in here car. Told me that I cant drive and her driving licence brand new and I already had a driving licence for 20 years before she was born.
For your information I do not "pootle" nor do I drive at 10 miles below the speed limit. It is a speed limit not a target.

Stirner · 19/07/2018 20:59

@Stillme1 "It is a speed limit not a target." - Ahh the mantra of every driver that ends up being a moving obstruction.

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor · 19/07/2018 21:04

I am with you on this one op x

TitusAndromedon234 · 19/07/2018 21:08

My mother never let me get in a friend's car until they'd been driving without any incidents for a year.

I think it was a pretty fair rule that I will apply with my own dc when the time comes.

TitusAndromedon234 · 19/07/2018 21:13

I know sisters who were in an accident when one sister was a newly qualified driver. The passenger sister died

I know a similar story. It utterly destroyed their family.

adaline · 19/07/2018 21:17

I think having you sat there watching her every move probably made her really nervous.

I passed my test eight months ago but still hate driving with DP because he comments on everything and doesn't let me just get on with it. I drive 90 minutes a day on my own on rural roads and I've never had an accident or even come close - but when he's sat watching me I go to pieces and make stupid mistakes.

You may not have been vocal with it, but she already knew you didn't think she was a safe enough driver so having you watch her do everything won't have helped her nerves.

Stillme1 · 19/07/2018 21:50

Stirner - you are coming across as the very reason younger drivers get a bad name. You have no idea what licence I have or what car? I drive. You seem to be so full of yourself that you think you can criticise people's driving without even seeing them drive.
This is exactly why mums are worried about newly qualified drivers

BoardingSchoolMater · 19/07/2018 22:22

@Semster Thank God UK boarding schools have the sense to say no to boys (in our case, but could just as well be girls) driving one another round. It makes it much easier than it would be if the DC were at home and nagging (which the others will be, when it comes to it. FML).

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 19/07/2018 22:29

"It is a speed limit not a target." - Ahh the mantra of every driver that ends up being a moving obstruction.

Total rubbish. There are plenty of times when it would be dangerous to drive at the speed limit. A straight clear open road? Go for it. A narrow, bendy road with lots of parked cars and children playing on the side of the street? No way.

Stirner · 19/07/2018 22:37

@Stillme1 - and you sound like you want to disempower your kids. A month after I passed my test I got a job which saw me notching up between 200-500 miles per week. Good job my folks didn't have your attitude.

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