To not want dd to drive dd2

[Jorah]

To gymnastics 45 mins away.

She passed her test a few weeks ago, has only been driving alone for a few days.

And usually you can drive other adults, just not other people under a certain age.

Another vote for an advanced driving course before she does too much driving of others. It takes practice to develop driving skills not just passing a test.

hmmm,

so, it is OK for your dd to be on the road, potentially knocking someone down, crashing into another car, and causing mayhem to other peoples's kids, but not to your dd.

Either she is safe to drive or she isn't. End of. Yes she needs practice, but it is pretty hypocritical to let her put everyone else at risk, but not your dd.

Also, when I passed my test I refused to drive with mum in the car. I think I stopped the car, got out and walked round to the passenger seat,

She didn't make sarcastic comments, or sigh/huff puff etc, she just gave off this air of being tense because I was driving.

I remember my instructor drumming it into us that we will not be a good driver once we pass our test, that could only be good once we had experience. The goal was that we would be safe while we learnt to be good.

Why do you think you're in a better position to judge than the instructor?

You're being unreasonable.

Definitely not being unreasonable. Sadly the statistics bear out that young, inexperienced drivers are disproportionately represented in serious and fatal RTCs.
Yes they need to gain experience but it's a no-brainer that you'd minimise the risk to your younger DC during this time.

When you pass your test you are now deemed safe to learn on your own. The reason that they don't want cars full of young people driving places is the potential for distraction and egging on of a relatively inexperienced person. When driving a longer journey that they haven't been before, imo it's better for the new driver to have a bit of support with them or at least be on their own to fully concentrate. I presume that OP has concern for both her DDs.

Having a row with her and the going in the car where she knows you're watching her every move probably didn't improve her driving...

@Jorah - I'm from the Uk. I use my own car for work.

Maybe you weren't 18 when you passed then stiner

I have spent a while sorting out dds insurance. Noone would have insured her if she'd done 24k miles a year.

OP is in the UK though and has passed what is one of the most rigourous driving tests in the world. When my dbro passed at 18 he was out driving my youngest brother the same day for football etc. Same with my dsis. This seems like more of a trust issue between parent and child - the child clearly isn’t entirely trustworthy- rather than a ‘is it safe for a new driver to drive’ because of course it is!

Jorah, when I passed my test the insurance didn't ask for how many miles, and it cost peanuts compared to these days.

The whole issue of young people's insurance is recent, and for those of us who are old enough, it wasn't an issue.

Well things have changed, on the roads and insurance wise, a prang now will cost her big time.

I'm sure it was different way back when but what everyone did years ago is an irrelevance.

Totally agree op.

We have 6 kids all drivers bar the youngest and none of them drove each other or too far until they had clocked up done decebt general miles.

Passing your test is one thing driving quite another. That takes practise

I'm sure it was different way back when but what everyone did years ago is an irrelevance.

good grief you are so bloody rude.

You went on and on at Stirner basically telling her she must be lying and I just pointed out that it was possible for her to have driven lots of miles as a new driver.

It isn't about what we did years ago, and that was not the point made by me or anyone else.

The point is, either she is safe or she isn't. If you don't think she is safe then you should NOT BE PUTTING OTHER PEOPLE's CHILDREN AT RISK by letting her drive.

How nice for you that you can keep dd2 safe while letting dd1 wreak havoc on the roads.

If you genuinely don't think she is safe, keep her off the roads and put her through an advanced driver course.

I don't think that it's about risking other kids while trying to keep your younger child safe.

We don't know anything about the DDs involved. Maybe DD2 is a potential distraction on a longer journey which makes it more unsafe for everyone. Maybe DD1 driving on her own or with someone who knows when to shut up and let her concentrate is perfectly fine.

There isn't a one size fits all approach to this.

You can get a black box for a shared car, they have to log into an app whenever they drive or they aren't insured. I would definately get this for her.

I think you've done the right thing op, my parents let my brother drive me around when he passed and he drove straight into a parked car on an otherwise empty street about 200 yards from home. Fortunately neither of us was badly injured. 3 months later he rolled the car on an empty road and wrote it off

Before they changed the law governing sex discrimination in insurance, insurers would charge young men much more than young women as young men were statistically more of a risk to other people when driving. This was attributed to their risk taking attitude. (At the other end of the age scale old women would be charged more than old men, due to lack of experience.)

So those saying their son or brother crashed when driving are not doing a fair comparison as the OP is talking about her daughter.

www.brake.org.uk/slower-speeds-save-lives/15-facts-a-resources/facts/488-young-drivers-the-hard-facts

I wasn't suggesting stirner was lying, I was pointing out that things have changed a lot since you could get insurance to drive 24k a year a month after you'd passed your test, let alone using a car for business use. None of the insurance I looked at for dd would have let her use a car for business use.

So basically what everyone did years ago is not at all relevant.

@Jorah - I passed my test two and a half years ago, has it changed that much since then ?

I said the oldest one should get some experience under her belt before driving her younger brother around, or both parents without her brother, for exactly the same reason.

I really don't understand the reluctance related to stopping people from driving. I had a moped/motorcycles from 16+. I passed my tests and did a voluntary safety course. Nobody ever said to me that I couldn't take a passenger !. I passed driving test at 17 and drove cars and mini buses. People learn road sense by driving in a variety of weather, time of day, rural or motorway. I don't understand the restrictions ???

Then maybe have a look at the link I posted?

TBH I feel that you only really start learning real lessons of driving AFTER you’ve passed your test. That’s when you need to learn judgement and risk assessment and understanding how to deal with difficult or strange situations alone. I learned to drive and passed my test at 26 and although I’ve always been a very confident driver (possibly too confident at times) I feel like the test taught me to operate the car and understand road safety but my solo driving taught me to be a good road user.

IMO your DD needs to learn to drive solo before she ferries her sis. Having a passenger can cause distraction that a new driver is not ready for. When I was learning I couldn’t even have the radio on because I couldn’t concentrate properly with the noise. How will you DD cope if her sis is chatting and she’s trying to navigate a tricky roundabout or unfamiliar road?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking your DD not to carry passengers for a few months until she’s a little more experienced. Driving can be a high risk activity. There’s nothing wrong with being cautious and your DD should understand that.