To think teacher's 'presents' are just a dick measuring competition now

[eyycarumba]

Last day of school, did the school run this morning and more than half the parents are walking carrying bags upon bags of gifts for teachers. Not talking small gifts or the odd box of chocolate, parents each carrying several massive gift bags (A2/A1 size), with the kids carrying smaller things. This is just hugely OTT right?
I understand getting the teacher something to say thank you, but some of these parents just seem to be showing off and have some unspoken competition to out do each other. If a teacher has gone above and beyond for your child wouldn't you want to gift them privately after school or via reception? - our school doesn't usually allow parents past the main doors at drop off so it's not like they're able to take these presents directly to the classroom, the parents were just standing around like lemons balancing these bags and boxes.
I had DS make a card saying thank you (he's had 4 teachers this year, the current one only for the past month so it's not like I could've got her something more personal anyway), but now I'm slightly embarrassed that we didn't get her something else. It's not a case we couldn't afford it (which some people might not, so that could be embarrassing for them too), I just didn't see the point in getting potential tat that they would have 10 of, food or drink they may not like or something that's not appreciated as much in comparison to the extravagant gifts. I was in school in the 90's/00's and I can't remember ever once getting a teacher a gift.

My friend is a TA and she got a wonderful card last night from a student and a small present. She loves the presents as anyone would do but it's the messages in the cards that really make her smile more

I bought a card and a small box of chocolates.

Personally I would rather just send a card, but my dc would feel left out/guilty I think.

I got my teacher a present in the 70’s, so did quite a few others.
I’m a teacher and I greatly appreciate ANY present I’m given. If you don’t want to give one, then don’t.
I disagree with your comments about patents trying to outdo each other. In my 27 years of teaching, parents give what they want to and what they can afford.
One of my best presents was a plastic soap dish because I washed my hands a lot. I still have it.

Class collections - stop all this stuff. Although there is no stopping someone swooping in with a stealth gift. All sounds a bit over the top.

parents ^^ not patents

I can't afford to buy presents for my daughter's teachers but she is making cards for them. I'm also going to write a note in her class teacher's card thanking everyone. The thing is it's not like there's only one teacher like when I was at school. There's the class teacher and 2 T.As. Then the 2 p.e teachers, the 2 swimming teachers, the music teacher, French teacher and the outdoor learning teachers. Even more if you include the pastoral care teacher who has been looking after her this year and the teachers that have run the after school clubs she attends! Very grateful to them all!

We have a lovely mum with a kid in my youngest's class who always organises a collection.

I never paid any attention to who was bringing what on the last day of term, surely it's only perceived as a competition if you're actually at the school gates to see what's arriving - lots of parents aren't. And the size of the bag has no bearing on the value of the gift.

I'm not against presents per se, it's the sheer extravagance and rivalry of it all. When DS left nursery we made a card and wrote a big personal thanks with got some chocolate - if he had kept the same teacher I may have got something else but not multiple gift bags, huge teddies, £40+ bouquets etc...

Maybe I'm just a cynical scrooge, some things just seemed extreme

I don’t understand how this is a thing? In any other public sector job you are not allowed to accept gifts (or there is a strict limit of around £10).

I've worked with a lot of teachers (secondary) and the things that have reduced them to quiet tears in the staffroom (sometimes they would have to actually leave the lesson and come to the office for a quiet sniffle) are usually the small, but thoughtful gifts. Like a mug with a slogan from a TV show that the teacher had mentioned liking and didn't realise that anyone was actually listening.

Size is not everything.

I've got my twos pre school teacher a card, some chocolates and a bottle of wine. I thought that was fine but this morning there were kids carrying bouquets of flowers bigger than them, Clinique gift bags, expensive handbags, Jo Malone candles....seems a bit over the top to me. I'm obviously a tight arse!

Yes it can certainly feel like a competition and I feel the pressure as I’ve just got a couple of small gifts for tomorrow and I’m now wondering if I should have got more. I’m a TA and it’s certainly the nice messages that mean the world to me. Wine, chocolates, shop bought Thankyou teacher etc just get shoved in a draw. A drawing, a card, a little home made keep sake is what I treasure the most.

We must be lucky here, all the gifts seem to be of the edible variety. Nothing massive. We are going a bit ott for DDs teacher & TA, but purely because without them she would still be as deaf as a doorpost with me fighting for hearing tests etc.

Give what you want to give and what you can afford. Ignore what others do. It only becomes a dick measuring competition if people chose to make it that way.

DH used to be a classroom teacher (very happily for us all he is now peripatetic and doesn't have all the shit that goes with classroom teaching, although he misses it sometimes) and the best gifts were the small ones that were personal to him. The one he has kept for years and years (probably about 15 now) and is still on our mantelpiece is something a fairly difficult boy made him - a mosaic tile with the name of their class built into the shape of something connected with DH's hobby.

We're lazy and get wine. Only because I know how much we I, DH doesn't really drink much always appreciated it!

If they were collection gifts, there were a lot of collections! It's a small school, less than 200 pupils, more than half the parents at drop off had these huge/multiple gifts

@Icouldbehappy perhaps I am wrong, but they were there comparing stuff (partly because they weren't allowed into the school to put this stuff down so were standing around on the playground) same rule as every other morning. At pick up they go direct to the classroom and see the teacher so I don't see why they just don't take things then direct to them

A teacher and a learning support mentor have made a huge difference to my child this year.

You would probably deem my gift as "dick measuring" but it is actually just to express my extreme gratitude for what they have done.

I bought token presents for the other teacher and TA's. I am not in the least bit interested in what other parents have or haven't done.

I think a teacher may like a card with your child's photo on the front and a thank you message inside written by your child. That way, they can remember their past pupils.
We always collected mine as a class and bought a present for our teacher. Usually it was something simple and probably not as expensive as some of the presents bought by individual pupils today.

Teacher here.love getting gifts as most people do, but it's the little notes in the card that mean the world.they have stayed in a little box and at times when I feel demoralised about teaching I take a look through them. For my kids'teachers i have given a small gift token for a coffee shop and written a message in the card. I have also sent a card to the principal thanking him and the other staff. I feel very sorry for the little pup who comes up to me and says sorry mrs jones i didn't get you a present, they are the ones seeing all the others bringing presents and feel left out by doing nothing wrong at all! I do always reassure them but it makes me.feel a bit sad

I'll do a personal card each year (as I have this one), probably wine or chocolate when he has the same teacher through out the year we get to know.

@InDubiousBattle sounds like the same school! (I also must be a tight arse)

Competition for presents is just wrong and is the parents fault.
This will 'out' me, but my best present ever was a life sized cut out of the Pope signed by my GCSE class...I am an RS teacher and the thought and organisation from them was wonderful! I was 7 months pregnant at the time so was in floods
Another amazing gift was a copy of the story written by my tutor group over the course of the year (they were year 11). It is full of in jokes and uses the boys in the class so is meaningless to anyone else, but means the world to me and reminds me of a very special group of young men I had the honour of mentoring for 3 years.
Small gifts are always gratefully received, but the personal ones make the most impact. I have boxes of cards from students which I will keep forever and it hasn't cost them anything to do it...mostly cos they nabbed the paper etc from my classroom!!

@LucyLou49 I can understand that, no problem with extra gifts when someone has gone the extra mile. My problem is the people I saw this morning who knew they probably wouldn't be able to go to the teacher personally, but still did it and then stood around comparing with everyone else

@Deadheadstickeronacadillac that's very sweet and kind of hilarious (I hope it was Pope Francis)

I reckon from the teachers I have known

• teachers and TAs are grateful for all gifts
• don't in anyway give any greater kudos to a gifting child/parent than a non-gifting one

-take the most joy from the personal gift/notes

School teachers spend every day handling children from different backgrounds discreetly. That quality wont suddenly stop at the end of term.

deadhead you are the first person who has written "this will out me" that I've actually thought "yes, that actually might". Usually it's "this will out me but I have two arms and legs" but I can't imagine that many people have a life size cut out of the pope! (I know no-one so I don't know you!)