To think teacher's 'presents' are just a dick measuring competition now

[eyycarumba]

Last day of school, did the school run this morning and more than half the parents are walking carrying bags upon bags of gifts for teachers. Not talking small gifts or the odd box of chocolate, parents each carrying several massive gift bags (A2/A1 size), with the kids carrying smaller things. This is just hugely OTT right?
I understand getting the teacher something to say thank you, but some of these parents just seem to be showing off and have some unspoken competition to out do each other. If a teacher has gone above and beyond for your child wouldn't you want to gift them privately after school or via reception? - our school doesn't usually allow parents past the main doors at drop off so it's not like they're able to take these presents directly to the classroom, the parents were just standing around like lemons balancing these bags and boxes.
I had DS make a card saying thank you (he's had 4 teachers this year, the current one only for the past month so it's not like I could've got her something more personal anyway), but now I'm slightly embarrassed that we didn't get her something else. It's not a case we couldn't afford it (which some people might not, so that could be embarrassing for them too), I just didn't see the point in getting potential tat that they would have 10 of, food or drink they may not like or something that's not appreciated as much in comparison to the extravagant gifts. I was in school in the 90's/00's and I can't remember ever once getting a teacher a gift.

@eyycarumba yes!!! Exactly. You might be flattered and thankful to receive something very lovely but doesn't mean it's not wrong for any reason. I would never presume to guess at scent, skin care or jewellery/accessories taste! Too easy to get wrong & be an expensive waste. At least chocs, booze, vouchers, are easy to re-gift.

I still have the cards the children made me when I worked in schools. Very special and lovely.

That's also exactly how my leaving present went down- do we share an ex work place?
Years of buying nice vouchers, neals yard goodies, favourite sweets, a special pug mug and nice cheese and a giant colouring map as in-jokes, helping book event, treats for the team at xmas & helping to organise secret fucking Santa with a decent theme & making sure the temps always had cards & chocs as thank yous. I got a 50p nearly dead plant, a tiny pack of chocs and a few free body shop samples that had been in the staffroom for weeks that someone bunged in. And a really impersonal card. It did hurt that my boss didn't think "Hathers has always helped me sort good gifts" & organise something. I didn't do it for the return- but it hurt that no one recognised the effort.

I don't think I got my teachers anything and that was the 90s. Could be wrong though my memory is not good.

Bags of gifts though? That is excessive.

I don't see at is a one upmanship thing - my daughter went this morning with cards she had written and small gifts - it would have looked like a huge bag but it was 3 teachers, 1 TA, the bus driver and the bus companion - a mixture of biscuits, wine, hand cream and flowers depending on what she knows about them. Other families maybe can't afford it and deal accordingly - others would have sent more. For me it is about my daughter and me expressing our gratitude for the last year. I do the same for others that impact so hugely on our life. I'm not comparing to anyone else or expect anyone to compare to us - each to their own.

We also send a cheque that no-one would see apart from the head but represents to us the money we have put aside for private education and we haven't spent as the local school is great for us. They are underfunded like all state primaries so I assume comes in useful. Our daughter yet has to receive any special attention as a result! These are nice things - no-one needs to resent them.

@DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops that's terrible, I would have preferred nothing! It was only a small office and I still keep in touch with most of them - so I don't think it's because I was disliked

As for the 90s, I definitely didn't give gifts, perhaps remember one or two students doing it. I don't remember gifts at high school except GCSE/A Level students doing something for favourite teachers/assistants. Oh and most the girls in my year whipped around and bought the (very fit) student PE teacher leaving gifts.

@NeverTwerkNaked my area goes between either very affluent or underprivileged, big social split. As far as I'm aware there was no collection for our class, but I hardly saw reception parents with gifts - whether this is because it's a lot of new parents to the school or because of the swapping of teachers, I don't know. I can understand the odd big one but yesterday was extensive

Ours is a catholic school so we already pay for a lot of our own stuff due to their reduced funding. I don't begrudge this, it was my choice to send him there; we pay for books and equipment, the yearly fee, all events raise money for the school etc..

I was a primary teacher in the 90s and was always very touched to receive a present. I never expected anything as it was not really the done thing then. TAs would often get presents as well.

I still use a good quality embossed box given to me by a Year One child and a homemade bookmark from a Reception child. The parents/carers and I had worked very hard together throughout the year to ensure that these particular children had become happier at school and more receptive to learning.

It's sad if it becomes about oneupmanship and spending lots of money for the sake of it, rather than giving the teacher a token of appreciation if you wish to do so.

Some Parents over do it. I never give with other parents in mind. I like to give a gift to thank Teachers who have helped and supported my DC.

I think Teacher's get blamed for it and gift giving might be stopped if OTT. I hope not it is nice to be able to say Thank you, with a card or a gift.

My daughter goes to a private nursery with 8 members of staff. I bought them all a nice hand cream in a box, £4 each, bought little cards and wrapped them nicely. That cost me about £40 which I felt was enough but I agree some gifts are very over the top

People do what they can afford to do I guess.

@Eyycarumba, I felt awful admitting to a friend that I felt that way- I was grateful that they tried, I guess. Luckily my friend agreed. I'm never stepping up to be organiser/suggester /enacter again. I got on with them all, too so I know it wasn't personal... which is even more hurtful. Wasn't about dick-waving as was only ever group presents, here.

Some of the gifts on here - of all sizes & budgets- sound lovely. @Bellabutterfly2016 I think yours sounds nice- and shows that it doesn't take a huge budget per person for costs to stack up if you buy for enough people!

@DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops a few of my colleagues did bring it up (about the night out/leaving do anyway) and said it was crap how no one had really made an effort, despite the fact none of them had even thought to get me a card! (but, I forgot I got a lovely bunch of flowers and card from my old manager, she was off and came in especially to see me) We did group presents too normally, the two individuals had gone and got their own because even with the month's notice no one else had tried to pull something together. Lack of presents didn't bother me, it was just that they very blatantly couldn't be arsed and expected me to sort my own leaving do after I'd left.

Loads of kids and parents passed my house this morning gifts aplenty, my son gave his teacher a handmade card my daughter gave zilch her choice and that's the way it should be, love watching the competitive parents though because that's what it's all about.

I know I’ve said this before but when I worked in schools it was always the cards and notes that mattered more than the presents.
I still have a card made from a scratty bit of paper which one of the kids wrote and drew a lovely picture on.
Best present was a box of chocs from the pound shop - family didn’t have a pot to piss in but the child used his own meagre pocket money to buy me the chocs, made me choke up when I got them.

I think it is a bit mean to dismiss presents as 'competitive'. Nobody even knows what other people's children get the teachers. I have no clue what anybody else gave and nobody knows what my DC gave. They all take the presents in in their school bags and the teachers take them home to open them.
All these accusations
of dick measuring and competitive parenting seem a strange way to look at someone giving someone else a present. I don't get what the competition is. I doubt anybody stands in a shop selecting a gift thinking 'oh, this will be better than what the Jones boy is giving Miss Smith. I'll get this and show them how you give a teacher a present.'

Maybe I'm just a cynical scrooge, some things just seemed extreme
Yes you are being tight.
Its always tight people who begrudge others being generous.

Did any of you teachers get a gift from the FB tat thread? Did you keep a straight face?

I don’t understand how this is a thing? In any other public sector job you are not allowed to accept gifts (or there is a strict limit of around £10).

This is not true. In the nhs (the largest public sector employer), staff are allowed to accept small gifts. There isn't a strict limit of around £10 either. Often boxes of chocolate worth more than this are gifted (eg hotel Chocolat)

This is because to refuse a gift would cause offence. Large gifts are obviously not allowed though.

I haven't experienced what the op described at all. At my daughter's school parents either gave a token gift, or nothing. No class collection. We have a handmade card and small box of chocolates to teacher and ta.

That picture of the Pope doesn't show at my end, could you repost?

My Mum taught primary decades ago! I LOVED opening her end of term presents for her & eating all the chocolate. Keep them coming Mums. Think of the teacher's own DC.

My Dd teacher was off sick today! We just painted a picture and stuck it on a card!

I don't do end of term presents as a rule, but I did this year as ds teacher has been a amazing teacher to him. He gone from being a behind in writing due to some fine motor skills issues, and he now writing at average in yr 4.

My ds found a book on bike rides around the UK and ds knows his teacher loves bike rides (he done the tour de France public bits) so we bought it for him. It wasn't expensive but it was something he would like.

I got houseplants in cute ceramic pots for teacher gifts this year. £6 each. Dc will write some cards. Job done.