To think teacher's 'presents' are just a dick measuring competition now

[eyycarumba]

Last day of school, did the school run this morning and more than half the parents are walking carrying bags upon bags of gifts for teachers. Not talking small gifts or the odd box of chocolate, parents each carrying several massive gift bags (A2/A1 size), with the kids carrying smaller things. This is just hugely OTT right?
I understand getting the teacher something to say thank you, but some of these parents just seem to be showing off and have some unspoken competition to out do each other. If a teacher has gone above and beyond for your child wouldn't you want to gift them privately after school or via reception? - our school doesn't usually allow parents past the main doors at drop off so it's not like they're able to take these presents directly to the classroom, the parents were just standing around like lemons balancing these bags and boxes.
I had DS make a card saying thank you (he's had 4 teachers this year, the current one only for the past month so it's not like I could've got her something more personal anyway), but now I'm slightly embarrassed that we didn't get her something else. It's not a case we couldn't afford it (which some people might not, so that could be embarrassing for them too), I just didn't see the point in getting potential tat that they would have 10 of, food or drink they may not like or something that's not appreciated as much in comparison to the extravagant gifts. I was in school in the 90's/00's and I can't remember ever once getting a teacher a gift.

I think it can get a bit out of hand - class collection this year was done for the teacher but not for the TAs which I didn’t think was fair. Thankfully at the last minute it was decided to get all the class staff something with the (large) pot of money.

I had two staff members I wanted to say a special thank you to so I got them a small, personal gift and took them aside to say thank you. It’s not about being ostentatious for me, it’s about showing genuine gratitude.

Myself and my non-dickish teacher friends just love it when our dickhead colleagues: 1. Set out their presents in a perfectly-filtered photo which is then shared on social media #soblessed #bestjob and/or 2. 'Struggle' to the car park/bus stop under the weight of their copious gifts.

I have worked with teachers who like to 'subtly' remind current pupils what previous pupils have bought them. It's all a giant dick-measuring contest on both sides.

disclaimer I'm not bitter at all, thank you very much. 😉

I keep hearing about teachers having to buy pens and books and things for children whose parents can't afford it. If I had school age kids maybe a box of something like that might be nice to hand out when needed so they don't need to dip into their wages for it?

I can remember at college our class put in a couple of quid each to get the TA a gift because he was brilliant (we also hated the teacher and felt sorry he had to work with her).

@ManicStreetTeacher I have a teacher cousin who does the photos! and yes, she is a bit of a dick (lovely, but a boastful dick). A few of the parents were struggling this morning, I would hope they had stuff for multiple teachers, but if you're struggling then you should know you've got too much

@DieAntword I would totally be up for that, makes more sense than a giant teddy!

I only give cards and presents at the end of year 6. For Dd gave 1 to the senco who was amazing, one to her current class teacher and 1 to the teacher who taught her for 4 years. Was going to do the same for Ds today but he had a complete melt down at the thought of giving/ writing a card, so we won't be giving any. Will personally thank all the teachers and TA's who have helped him.
Luckily I'm dinnerlady at the school and they know how much I appreciate them. All the staff love him because he's always so polite, caring and helpful! - lovely to hear but glad they don't see him at home.

My daughter has just made cards; we haven't contributed to the impersonal collection for vouchers ( that didn't include the excellent TA !)

I would rather just leave it at that rather than go with the generic wine/chocolates/candles stuff .

We don't tend to bow down to pressure from ' Alpha' parents to get involved in a collective with this sort of stuff.

YANBU.

Never got a gift (or card) for any teacher. Ever.

As you say OP, it's all about competition between parents.

We've made a homemad card that took ages!

Both my dc chose a chocolate orange and a card this year as end of term gift for their teacher. I have bought a card and a big box of posh chocolates for the SENCo from us though as ds is leaving primary and I want her to know how much we value the support she's given all of us.

Oh is THAT what it is! I saw a woman wielding about eight bunches of sunflowers this morning, two children with giant orchids in pots and numerous wrapped parcels! Thought there was a huge party I didn't know about.

Some of the gift bags going into our school at Christmas were daft too. I will be taking some small things in for my kids' teachers and TAs because I really do value the work they've done with my kids this year and I sent some cake in for the staff a couple of weeks ago with a generic thank you to the whole staff (so many intervention groups I can't get gifts for everyone) but we're short on money unlike some within the school so it's all small somethings and nice cards for them all really.

Have also made a point of the Head knowing how seriously impressed I am with all the staff and the school and how fab the teachers have been as well.

You've reminded me I need to get round to taking one of them in tomorrow because it's the last days that part of the jobshare are in for the week actually.

And I only do it because I really do appreciate what the school have done for my kids this year - last year I did a card grudgingly as DD1 wanted to give something to a teacher who had really shamed the whole profession by how much she took the piss in terms of her behaviour... this year I really am (changed school) so bloody impressed with them all I DO want to say thank you to them (mind you they all bloody know cos I've told them personally throughout the year and thanked them profusely).

I don't think it's the actual gift giving that's an issue for most, it's just the showiness of some of it that's a bit OTT.
I agree it does get like a wedding, with a 'presents' table.

And yes yes SkyeJuly, i bet your kids card will be treasured long after the chocs are all eaten. I wish I could get mine to sit and make some!

My daughter is leaving primary this year and due to teachers being shuffled around has had one particularly awesome teacher for 3 of her 7 years there. She has made her bunting. DD is 10 years old, chose fabric herself that had the class emblem (an animal) on it, has cut out the triangles and stitched them, written a message on one triangle and put the whole thing together. It didn't cost a lot, but the it shows her appreciation. I was so impressed with it I stole some of her fabric scraps and made some for DS's teacher too.

DieAntword I carried a big bag into DD's preschool this morning because I gave a big bag of craft stuff, glue etc. It's a tiny preschool and last year at Christmas they requested craft kit, puzzles etc in lieu of presents (but emphasised that gifts were not expected). I agree that most people who work with children seem to greatly appreciate resources - I gave DD's SALT a replacement for a broken item as a thank you and she was so pleased I was astonished.

(I did buy DD's keyworker a mini prosecco and one of those little Green and Blacks selection boxes too.)

Having worked in a naice shop where people used to vaguely take a stab at choosing scarves/jewellery/accessories and candles that might work for teachers- all those Jo Malone bags, clinique bags etc? Only worth it if you know their taste, other wise it's a nuisance to regift, not a present imo, no matter how grateful someone is. It's a good rule for any gifting, unless you're giving something you know is right, is purposely for a giggle or is very special- like the cardboard pope!

Stick to thoughtful cards & chocs, booze, flowers & vouchers if you must.

I say this not at all bitter about the utterly shite leaving gift I once received from a workplace I'd been at 3.5 years after making sure other colleagues got really nice meaningful, personal presents.

HariboIsMyCrack the nursery present corner! Oh god, I have shunted that to the back of my mind. DS made a card and I wrote an book appreciative note, also got some cupcakes made. One parent had made several huge hampers (they were actually quite good, full of useful stuff) but I felt like a right nob with my little box of cakes next to them! Big difference is the parents had brought them in in their own time, not purposely parading them, but for some reason there was a display table.

@StarkDismay the bunting sounds fab! Very original

@DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops that's how I feel - I'm still wondering about the huge teddy in particular, it seems such an odd gift unless the teacher had specifically said they wanted one, in which case, they're a CF. When I left my old job I got an alarm clock off one bloke (inside joke) and no leaving do - because I always sorted everyone else's gifts or parties. When someone asked about it, a manager actually said 'Oh but eyycarumba always sorts that'.......

I put into a class collection for DDs. They go to a small school and there is always a parent willing to do the collection and card from the entire class.

I can only remember giving presents to my A Level teachers but they were absolutely fantastic and really went above and beyond. Again we were a small group so easy to pool our resources and organise something from all of us. One of our teachers burst into tears she was so touched. I like to think it meant more because the gifts came from us, not our parents and as a class we discussed and sourced the most thoughtful presents we could.

I have started giving plastic tubs with stationery in. I know that many teachers dip into their wages to buy extra things like glue sticks, blue tack, highlighters etc (sad that this is the reality). Lots of ideas on Pinterest, including a simple jam jar with highlighters in and a label to say “thank you for being the highlight of my year”. Pack of highlighters in Home Bargains is 89p, a free jam jar and a home made label.
A hand written thank you is also really important too.

I used to send biscuits for the classroom which seemed to be appreciated and I figured that it covered the people who may have played a part even if they didn't teach dd directly.
The most appreciated gifts were by secondary school teachers that my dd's bought themselves. A box of malteasers for an Art teacher who had been supportive, a Christmas tie for another teacher (who had a collection of gaudy ties) who had put in hours of extra after school classes and a notebook for a History teacher who had admired dd's and again who went out of their way to support her.

@NataliaOsipova sorry been at son's last primary school performance...

Pop up Pope (as he is now known) stood at the doorway as my students went into their GCSE to give them blessings, but as I have been on maternity this year he is in my study. Come September he will be pride of place in classroom ready to freak out the new year 7's!

Last year I gave vouchers to the TA and teacher in addition to the class collection because they had gone 1000% above and beyond and had just been utterly amazing and wanted to show my particular appreciation. I just put it in a card though so no one else would know. This year I did the collection and wrote a sincere, grateful message but that was it. (The teacher was fine - no complaints but last year I just really wanted to show my extra appreciation)

There do seem to be lots of people who do want to get a bit showy and there are a few who rush to offer to do the collection because they want to be the ones to preset it to the teacher (even though some of the teachers seem a little embarrassed and would prefer a smaller deal to be made of it).

I always wondered what i'd do if I were a teacher and got lovely gifts of chocolate/wine/homemade biscuits because I couldn't have any of them as somebody allergic to dairy and don't know anybody who I'd be willing to give them to