To want a female lover to brighten up my existence?

[milkchocolate]

Is that cheating? or not?
I have my husband whom I love, and my kids.
But life is dull. Am I being unreasonable to have an "affair" with a woman? Who is also married with kids, if neither of us have any inclination to leave our husbands, and we live so far away we can hardly ever get to meet? Just a sort of flirtation?

Slap me if you must, or drill some sense into me.

Hi Milkchocolate, alarm bells are ringing about this woman. She's pushing you and she's also had many affairs. Avoid her at all costs. She's no better than a sleazy man in the same situation, trying to control you and risking your marriage. She's obviously unhappy and is tapping into your vulnerability (IMO)

I feel you need to confide in someone who you can trust or go to a gay counsellor. Although if you confide in your husband you may be surprised, he may be as bored as you. I'd omit the female though as he could feel threatened by her.

Please try to take off the rose tinted glasses and see her for what she really is. She's a strong person by the sounds of it and playing you hun.

banana - hey, I don't just post on hot lesbo action threads, you know! You should see me over in Education!

Xenia - you're right, but whatever people say it is "different". The woman is not perceived as a threat like the man, but rather an interesting diversion. One can argue till the cows come home about how fair this perception is, but that's the way the thinking goes.

I know, I know, I was just teasing.

Hmm, re: your comment to xenia, surely it's harder to compete with a woman though? A man you stand a chance of competing with cos you're all basically the same...

I suppose it all depends if you see it as competing or complementing.

It's amazing how many guys are into the thought of their partner with another woman.
I lent my friend a mucky dvd and she mentioned it to her dh. He misheard and thought we'd been videoing ourselves together and was soooo excited.
Plus I know my bf would love to see me in some hot lesbo action but I just don't fancy women. Yet having a 3 way with him and a guy is an absolute no no, he'd throw up.

I suppose another woman isn't such a threat. She's not pentrating your woman (or not so easily) or potentially impregnating her etc.

There is a tendency, misguided I know, for straight men to see all forms of non-penetrative sex as basically foreplay. So the ideal fantasy scenario (shared by 99% of men) is for the two girls to "warm each other up" before he steps in with his Big Manly Member.

I am SO tempted to say something enlightening to Xenia now, but I fear it would be rather XXX rated and reading possibly not suitable on a parenting forum, lol.... But you are right, the risk of pregnancy is minimal.

And I am sorry to report that I have failed miserably, as my best friend brought a bottle of red wine yesterday evening, and my resolve evaporated and I spoke to HER on msn.... I am so silly. But it speaks volumes that she had been pissed off with me for ending it, and not hurt. I clearly am her little happy pill.

And how did you feel about having to end it? More sad or more pissed off/frustrated?

She sounds like she knows what she wants!

My God is this FastAsleep?

You want us to say it's ok to sleep with another woman because you can't get pregnant?

Are you really that narrow minded?

What about your respective husbands? What about your children? If you are not happy then work on it, if you are still not happy then do the decent thing and TELL YOUR HUSBAND! Give him a chance ffs!

Bananabump. Relieved about ending it. Frustrated at the situation is more like it. Sad it ever actually developed. But glad it never actually went further into "something". Guilty for having emotions for someone else than my husband. So, a mixed bag. But I know ending it is the right thing, it is just actually getting the message across, as right now I feel it is not taken seriously by her. Now I just want to put all this behind and focus on him.

Rhubarb, if you took time to read a little more carefully before jumping you will realize that is not what is being said at all.

I read the OP.

Glad you have resolved it.

Glad it's resolved MC

Just an idea for you and dh. A while back, when trying to resolve my sexless marriage,I bought a book from Relate, something along the lines of better shagging in your marriage ....ok not that but you get the drift. The lazy sod wasn't interested. But, this book is really useful.
Anyway, good luck with your future and hope you and dh can be happy x

Oh and I now have a wonderful horny bf but that wasn't down to the book

Not, that was me joking about the pregnancy /penetration point. Of course it's grounds for divorce even if she's not equipped technically for adultery.