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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advise pls

78 replies

pinkelephant59 · 18/07/2018 19:52

my sons children are currently living with the other grandparents (don't ask!) son is getting visits but when he is changing the baby's nappy frequently notices that he has been left with a dirty bottom when granddad is looking after them on his own. also when we collected them today he absolutely reeked of sick, seems had been sick on his clothes and had just been left in them till it dried. son is not on good enough terms to just discuss with them, should we be reporting to social services or anything or is this being petty and unreasonable. Son says no point as no proof.

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 18/07/2018 20:20

Do they also live with the mother? Are you keen to gain residency? If the children are reasonably clean and well fed/otherwise looked after, I don’t imagine SS will take action.

Original poster
pinkelephant59 · 18/07/2018 20:30

Unfortunately mother has passed away and grandparents didn't tell son she was in hospital. Their idea of a reasonable discussion about the children's future was to phone my son, tell him his wife had died and that they wanted custody of the children. Then slapped an emergency injunction on him to be given pr and custody.

OP posts:
abbsisspartacus · 18/07/2018 20:32

Emergency injunctions don't last forever and must be proven at some point

Also he is his wife's next of kin why did the hospital not inform him?

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 18/07/2018 20:34

Surely there's more to the story under what grounds were they given PR and an injunction against them? Is your son applying for custody?

Hamiltoes · 18/07/2018 20:34

Is there a backstory here you've left out? Why would the parent of sons wife do that?

CrispbuttyNo1 · 18/07/2018 20:36

Very odd , there must be a huge backstory to this.

hidinginthenightgarden · 18/07/2018 20:37

Were they separated then? IS your DS doing anything to get the injunction lifted?

steff13 · 18/07/2018 20:37

Is your son not trying to get custody?

NerrSnerr · 18/07/2018 20:40

How much contact was he having with the children before she passed away as it seems odd he wasn't looking after the children whilst she was unwell?

Original poster
pinkelephant59 · 18/07/2018 20:40

Unfortunately they are nasty people who bully their way through life, my son and his wife had been separated for a couple of months due to her being emotionally abusive towards him so I presume she had given her father's details as next of kin.

OP posts:
SilverDoe · 18/07/2018 20:41

This is weird - is your son on the child’s birth certificate? If so he will have parental rights? And if he does like PP says the emergency injunction would have to be proven necessary for GPs to remain legal guardians of the child if he has a living parent. There must be a huge piece of the puzzle missing here - if not your son will be able to sort this fairly easily in court surely?

CrispbuttyNo1 · 18/07/2018 20:42

Legally he would have automatic custody of his children surely? Is he named on the birth certificate?

Greenyogagirl · 18/07/2018 20:42

It would be pretty extreme circumstances for a child to go to grandparents and not a parent

smallchanceofrain · 18/07/2018 20:43

Does he have PR? Is there something you're not explaining in terms of why they would need an emergency order - i.e. they have told the court that he's a risk in some way / not fit to have care of them?

Presumably if he's getting unsupervised contact there can't be serious concerns about whether the children would be safe with him.

If he has concerns then he should speak to social care (social services) and demonstrate to them that he can provide good care for his children - if that's what he wants to do. Are they already involved? Are there meetings he should be invited to so he can contribute to any plans being made for his children's care?

Does he wish to care for them? If so, he needs legal advice asap so he can make an application to the court.

starfishmummy · 18/07/2018 20:44

I think he needs legal advice asap

NerrSnerr · 18/07/2018 20:45

Does he have a solicitor involved? Is he going to court?

Is there a reason why a court wouldn't allow him full custody of his children?

abbsisspartacus · 18/07/2018 20:45

I think he should take his kids home

Original poster
pinkelephant59 · 18/07/2018 20:46

Was seeing children once a week but after going through court has now been upped to 2 days a week but court have ruled to stay with them as they "settled" there

OP posts:
steff13 · 18/07/2018 20:48

He needs a better lawyer.

Readyfortheschoolhols · 18/07/2018 20:49

Your ds needs to be making a home appropriate for his dc to show a court they can be settled also with their df.
If they are school age they can't make decisions about their education without his consent either.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 18/07/2018 20:50

Can he provide them with a home and child care?

NerrSnerr · 18/07/2018 20:51

Did he ask for full custody? What was their original reason for granting custody to the grandparents?

How often was he seeing the children after he had separated from their mum?

Original poster
pinkelephant59 · 18/07/2018 21:05

DS had been sofa surfing since separation so did not have a safe environment to take children to. council wouldn't house him unless he got the kids as they classed him a single non priority and he can't afford to private rent. Grandparents got injunction before he could go and get the children.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkelephant59 · 18/07/2018 21:08

Can't afford a better lawyer cleaned us out paying for the one we got and no legal aid as classed as civil case Sad

OP posts:
abbsisspartacus · 18/07/2018 21:19

What was the injunction?

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