Advise pls

[pinkelephant59]

my sons children are currently living with the other grandparents (don't ask!) son is getting visits but when he is changing the baby's nappy frequently notices that he has been left with a dirty bottom when granddad is looking after them on his own. also when we collected them today he absolutely reeked of sick, seems had been sick on his clothes and had just been left in them till it dried. son is not on good enough terms to just discuss with them, should we be reporting to social services or anything or is this being petty and unreasonable. Son says no point as no proof.

I'm very sad to read responses, if roles were reversed and it was children taken from mother and father had died, I'm sure everyone would be more sympathetic which is disgraceful.

If a mother had no home, only part-time work, and the courts had decided her children were better off with their grandparents, I think the responses would be exactly the same. Who in their right mind would agree children should live with somebody sofa-surfing who can't afford their own home?

Hi, sorry you are getting some "blunt" comments, AIBU is a hard forum to post in.

Unfortunatly much of what is said is true, ss/courts are unlikely to award him custody while he hasnt got anywhere proper to live and no job to support the dc. And if you report to SS over something so minor then it will "rock the boat" so to speak and may result in the other gp being difficult with visits.

my advice... play the long game.
... Keep a log/photos of anything you may class as neglect. (if it does come to SS being involved, then you have proof that something isnt just a one off and has been happening rgularly for some time)
...Be civil and friendly to the other gp so you/your ds can keep his visiting rights.
...help your son get a job.... does he need any medical help? councilling? if so get him to go see a gp and start getting the help, then he can concentrate on getting a job that pays enough to get a 2 bed house/flat.
...THEN start looking into gaining custody.

It must be heartbreaking to be away from the dc, but I don't think this will resolve overnight and may take a while. x x

@pinkelephant59 - You've started this in the "AIBU" area of MN. If you're looking for advice and support to get through a difficult time and on steps you can take for your situation, AIBU is probably not the best place to post it.
Maybe the Legal Matters area would be better for this situation. If you 'report' your initial post to Mumsnet Admin (click on the 'report' option) they can get it moved for you.