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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can’t get this child out of my head

111 replies

EWAB · 18/07/2018 16:14

Son is in this football club. It is run by the guy who ran after school club at primary. When he was asked to join I declined as I was working and couldn’t have done drop offs etc. This other mother stepped up and has taken him for last two years. I have never been.
Yesterday I was delighted that I had broken up and could collect them from this end of term party.
I arrived and there was my son in a new shirt that I hadn’t seen before but suddenly my son appeared next to me. The boy in the new shirt w him. I was stunned and son said “Everyone says that! I think he looks like B.” B is my nephew.
We leave I get son and friend in car and there getting into her car was this woman my brother used to go out with. She didn’t see me. I don’t know how I kept it together. I felt sick last night. There is no one in the world I can talk to about this. My brother is now married. I am convinced this is his child.

OP posts:

TeasndToast · 18/07/2018 16:17

Wow that’s tricky! Maybe a bit unethical but all you need is a strand of hair from him and your brother and you can get DNA test. Then decide from there.

argumentativefeminist · 18/07/2018 16:17

Is the woman your brother used to go out with definitely the mother of the kid that looks like your son/nephew? All you've said is that she was there getting into her car, not that she interacted with the familiar looking kid at all.

smudgedlipstick · 18/07/2018 16:18

Why can't you talk to your nephew about it..

CassandraLamontaigne · 18/07/2018 16:19

If he is the father of this child was he married at the time he would have been conceived?

Is it not something you could bring up even subtly with your brother?

Could the child's mother have a partner similar in appearance to your brother?

AveABanana · 18/07/2018 16:19

You need to talk to your brother. He might know what is going on. Does the club have a FB page? Are there any photos on there?

Sealant · 18/07/2018 16:19

Do you know the age of the boy? Does it work back to the same sort of time your brother was with/ broke up with the women?

ReadingRiot · 18/07/2018 16:21

Surely if they are so alike and the other boy's mum wants to keep her son's parentage secret she would have moved clubs? (if there's anything in it )

LIZS · 18/07/2018 16:22

I'm confused. You saw a boy looking like your ds but he says he is like your nephew? His dm happens to be your brother's ex? Were they even likely to have been together at the relevant time?

Talith · 18/07/2018 16:23

Sounds like a shock. If it helps, my youngest looks so similar to a few other kids in the school I do a double take sometimes - they are just other small blond boys with big smiles and a buzzcut, I'm fairly sure my XH wasn't responsible...

Not sure what if anything you could do with your suspicions, could you have a private word with your brother? If he doesn't know and she's not presumably made any demands on him it's likely the child isn't anything to do with him.

Readyfortheschoolhols · 18/07/2018 16:24

When I worked in a shop a young girl used to come in for sweets. She looked more like the boss than the dc he had with his dw!!

LeighaJ · 18/07/2018 16:25

That happened with my younger cousin. My cousin looked exactly like his older "half" sister. He didn't look like his Mom or my Uncle. One day my Mom was shopping and saw a man that was a dead ringer for my cousin. She stopped and asked him if his name was [insert name of Aunt's ex husband] and he said yes and it all came out after that.

So Aunt cheated on her husband with her ex husband and passed the baby off as my Uncle's. Although at that point it didn't matter to my Uncle who ended up raising him alone. In the case of a spouse who was my Mom's brother being cheated on I understand why my Mom told him.

What you described though...I'd stay out of it, the Mum clearly doesn't want your brother in her child's life and you telling him could wreck his current life.

SomeKnobend · 18/07/2018 16:28

You need to talk to your brother. Would him having fathered the child mean he'd had an affair? Or was the woman his gf around the right sort of time, and he's subsequently married?

wellBeehivedWoman · 18/07/2018 16:28

Just to check, do your son and your nephew look very alike? And this boy looks like them both?

Was your brother going out with the boy's mum at the right time for him to be the father?

Does the boy have an apparent father on the scene?

I don't think it's impossible that they just coincidentally look very alike (unless there are incredibly distinctive features involved) and I would be wary about saying too much on so little evidence. If the boy has a dad on the scene I'd be especially careful as you could destroy a family on an instinct.

Can you subtly find out any more about the child? His age / parents etc?

ReadingRiot · 18/07/2018 16:29

Someone posted a video of "me" on FB the other day. It was supposedly of me as a teen, the clothes and location were all right for the time, even I initially thought it must me. I only know it wasn't because "I" was performing and being very loud, photobombing(before that was a thing) a TV camera and there's no way my teenage self would have done that. I've no idea who she was, but I'm almost certain she can't be related.

LeighaJ · 18/07/2018 16:31

CassandraLamontaigne

"Could the child's mother have a partner similar in appearance to your brother?"

That's a good point, some people like me date/marry people with a lot of physical similarities.

I also missed the part about him looking like your son and your brother's son... Which brings up another possibility.

halfwitpicker · 18/07/2018 16:41

I don't get it.

Eliza9917 · 18/07/2018 16:48

Speak to your brother.

BestestBrownies · 18/07/2018 16:48

Or the DB split with the GF when they discovered/suspected they were half siblings?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 18/07/2018 16:58

They say everyone has a doppleganger, completely unrelated to us.

Might just be coincidence.

ParisNext · 18/07/2018 17:01

It is almost too great to a coincidence that you thought how much he looked like your nephew and had a family resemblance to your son BEFORE you saw that the mother was an ex of your brother. These things really do happen. You should ask your brother and maybe try to find out a little more. Could you speak to the ex girlfriend? Would she know you?

Singlenotsingle · 18/07/2018 17:04

Does it really matter? None of your beeswax tbh. Have you heard of "shoot the messenger?"6

Original poster

EWAB · 18/07/2018 17:05

My brother was divorced and is now married again. This woman was a girlfriend for about a year or so. He was single at the time well he was with her if you see what I mean. The boy looked slightly older than mine so the dates tie up. Will I be a coward if I try to forget this? My brother’s life would be disrupted. He was the image of my son and nephew. Nephew who he is like is actually other brother’s son. My son picked up on that and “everyone” has commented in football club about likeness.

OP posts:

ducksanddrake · 18/07/2018 17:17

Well maybe the ex GF goes for a type, and has had a child by a man with similar looks to your brother?

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 18/07/2018 17:17

Could you say to your db 'oh I saw your ex-girlfriend the other day with her son at dc's football club' You will know by his reaction whether he knows or not.

M3lon · 18/07/2018 17:18

I like to advise you to leave it be...but if it were me I'd be finding a way to get some DNA...you only need to steal the kids though...as any reasonable chance of match you your own would mean your suspicions were confirmed.

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