to think that 21/22/23 isn't that young?

[smellmybacon]

i see it all the time on here how "young" you are if early 20's. i'm 23 and have a 1 year old and live in a house with my partner. most of my friends have children and some are on to their second baby.

i can't imagine still going on nights out all the time or not being settled down. when do you think you start being a grown up if early 20's is young?!

People have different life goals and ambitions. For you , being at home with a child is the right thing, for many others it is far to early in their life.

So what defines 'young' - I'd say the optimum age to have a child is 27/28/29 - hopefully by then you've established your career, are self sufficient to afford a house, in a stable relationship and you can move to the next stage.

I think things are different for everyone. I'm glad I haven't had kids yet. I feel like I've been able to carefree travel while I'm young. I do really want kids but I think people are having them older more and more these days.

I think it's really variable. I was certainly young at 23 - I was still at university (postgrad, but a student), living in a room in a student house, living off no money, going to bed at 5 am, dealing with life crisis by vanishing off backpacking with no notice. I would have been an awful parent!

But everyone is different.

23 does seem really young to be settled with a house, partner and baby, to me. It was different in the days when many people left school at 16 and went straight into jobs in offices, factories etc.

I got married when I was 22. We're still together gimmers

I was awful in my early 20s, definitely not a grown up at all! Good on you OP for having more maturity! I’m late 30s now and have recently acquired a career/husband/child so probably count as an actual adult even if I don’t feel like it. I definitely make more sensible decisions though, and consider staying up past 10 to be a late night...

I think it depends on your socio-economic group. University or post grad educated people would still be in education at that age so unlikely to be settled down with children...

I think you're young. To me you are. Also, there's nothing wrong with that! Young isn't a negative descriptor, it doesn't mean immature or ignorant
I also think it's important to try and appreciate your youth - regardless of the form it takes - because it is over so quickly. 23 feels like yesterday to me.

I think you're talking about being settled down. You're still young though. If early 20s is old god help me.

I'm working class and got married with kids at 21, this is normal to me.

I started partying at 14 so was ready to settle by 20!

I think it depends to a degree on where you live, and your social group. I'm 29, and realistically need to spend a year or two fixing up our house (bought a doer upper last year) before I can have a baby (otherwise we just won't have the funds to do the work).
A couple of friends have had babies in their mid-late 20s, but most of my friends and family of similar ages haven't yet. I'm getting married soon and will be the first of my friendship group to do so.
I live on the outskirts of London, at 23 we were all housesharing or living at home; none of us could have afforded to buy a house by then.
I've had some great holidays (relatively cheap European city breaks and camping trips) that we probably couldn't afford on one wage / if we were paying nursery fees. I've also been able to study for a degree alongside work, which would have been much harder with a small child.
If you live in an area with more affordable housing, I can see that there may be less financial reasons to wait.
Overall I'm happy with my choice.

It is young.

I'm the same age as you, and none of my friends are even engaged, let alone married or having children.

It's a regional thing, of course, but, whichever way you slice it, when the life expectancy of both men and women is now into the 80s, 20-25 is still objectively young.

I had my first child at 22.
It's only now at 28 I realise just how young I was.

It depends how old the person considering the age is. To a 16 year old 22 might seem very adult. I think it’s very young - almost childlike and not quite a full on adult. It’s defini young for parenting. Most of my 22 year old son’s friends are just finishing university. My nearly 20 year old is definitely not a proper adult and neither is nearly 21 year old boyfriend. They are financially, emotionally, logistically dependent. I wouldn’t have wanted them to grow up too quickly and be tied down too early.

As someone up thread said, you can be grown up and still young,

You are about the same age as my DD so of course that sounds young to me! (I am 56)

When I was your age I was still ten years off being a mother but I think I was quite grown up. I had a good job and had bought my first house. However, looking back I did change and mature an awful lot between then and my 30s. I certainly gained a lot of self confidence.

As for the going out thing, I am not sure that is an age thing necessarily. I never was a big fan of night clubs even when I was a student. But I still know people of my age who do like them

I'm in my early twenties. I got married in my Kate teens and started a family. Most of my schiol mates are no where near starting a family but gave started their careers while I am still a few years off starting my career. I don't think that these things make you young or not young. It's more how we'll your body responds to bad food/stress/lack of sleep etc. When you can't go out and drink, have some junk food and wake up the next morning after three hours of sleep feeling fresh as a daisy you're no longer young.

I think it depends a lot on how far you went through the education system?
Alllll my friends have degrees, if not masters/PhDs, only one has a baby (we are 26/27/28)
I’m 26, have a house I bought myself and a decent job. Still a complete child in every other way. I don’t think I’ll evee feel grown up.

The average age for first time birth in the UK is 28, so yes, by that mark you are young.

At 23 I'd only been out of Uni 2 years, the last thing I wanted (or would have been good for me) would have been settling down with children. So in my eyes yes you are young for marriage and babies, but then if you are happy who cares really!

You're hopefully not even a third the way through your life. How can you be anything but young?
Why the push to be seen as old?

I think 22/23 is early adulthood where you're still learning to deal with everything that comes with being an independent adult and you're personality is still changing and developing.

When I was 23 I'd been married 3 years, had 4 dcs and was at uni while working part time. If you'd asked me then if I felt grown up I'd have said yes. Now several years down the line I realise how young I was. I've changed so much in the last 10 years that I hardly recognise the person I was at 23.

I've also realised that I don't actually feel grown up. Sure I'm now a graduate capable of working, running a house and raising a family but I feel less like a grown up than ever most days 😊.

I’m 38 and I had my dd when I was 23. When I look back now I feel I was ridiculously young then. I do agree that “young” is younger for longer now. I think it’s only when people hit their 30s they are properly grown up. Which is probably really offensive to many on here - and I would have been offended myself at 23- but hindsight is a wonderful thing!

I was out having a wild time again aged 28 when I got divorced and dd was at her dads every other weekend. Nowadays if anyone even suggests starting a film at 9pm I look at them like they’re crazy. I’m finally starting to feel my age and “older”.

well i must be just uneducated

i do live in a high unemployment and high teenage pregnancy area so i can see it can be regional.

i suppose i don't see my dc making me "tied down". i love being a parent and feel like my life started properly with dc so i don't feel like i'm missing out on anything

I was finishing university when you were born, so yes, from where I'm sitting that makes you quite young, sorry! I thought I knew it all at 23 but by your 40s you'll look back and realise how much there was still to learn (and no doubt someone 20 or 40 years older than me would tell me likewise). There's more to growing into adulthood than not wanting to go out on the lash!

Early 20s is young. You may be adult, and responsible, but you are young. Check back in when you are in your 30s.

I'm 22 and have an almost one year old, a degree and job, and currently in the process of buying a house. I feel old for my age! In my circle there is everything from my 22-yo single female friend who has a 3rd class degree and goes out drinking 3x a week and works a min wage job and doesn't care about doing anything better as she's young and loving the easy life, to my guy friend who has a PhD in Physics and two masters degrees and has two jobs, one as a lecturer and one in something to do with designing hedge funding software - he's only 25 and makes in excess of £100k, got married last year and planning a baby.

It's a bit mad in your early 20s as some people are really grown up and others are still basically teenagers.

I don't think there's any right or wrong way to do it but I do feel like there is a huge stigma around having children young which is just wrong. My daughter wasnt planned but she's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I'm a good mum - not just saying that, I am. It's the only thing I've ever felt good at and felt like I naturally just 'get'. I adore being a mum and would have 10 kids if money and time could allow it. But we'll probably just go for two.

I also love that I'll still (just) be in my 30s when she's 18! We can go out drinking together and I can continue my party years then only half joking

Really, what does it matter? Whether you grow up at 16 or 45, who really cares? Each to one's own.