Will you turn into a good MIL?

[stroppymiss]

Or will you be batshit crazy like the ones you hate now

I hope I will be a good mil. I have 2 daughter and 2 sons. My own mil is not the 'out law' portrayed by some about their spouses' families. If I can be half the mil she is I will be happy.

I was a good mil until (ex) dil took so much advantage I walked away.
See dgs now through ds instead.

Well I'd like to think so.
Children grow up into adults and sadly people don't always get on. So my own relationship with my dd is not something I'd ever take for granted, demand or feel entitled too.

So I'd like to think I could be respectful of her and any bf or dh. Because this is were the issues lie isn't it. Dp who don't get on with dc demanding to be in their lives, traipsing over boundarys, choosing furniture for married couples when they don't want you too, being rude, judgemental, making everything about themselves.

I'm also going to take an interest in my son in law and his family. Even if we have nothing in common I'm going to take an interest in him and ask him questions because it would be incredibly rude to my dd not too.

My MIL is absolutely wonderful so I will follow her example when my time comes!

I will let my DSes run their life the way they want to, and will respect their boundaries and choices, even if that means seeing them less than I'd like. I won't pull the 'you're still my 5 year old son!' shtick (my MIL does that).

I really hope so

My Mil is hideous and she has been the only cloud and source of misery in our marriage.

I think bad MILs would almost certainly answer yes to this question - and think they've done nothing wrong.

I hope so.

I know how to be a shit one, so all I have to do is the opposite of what mine does.

I hope so, but it depends on my children's partners. I'm pretty open and enthusiastic and could easily be misinterpreted as being overbearing, but if they're comfortable telling me to back off I won't take offense and will listen.

But I definitely have potential to be a bit of a nightmare mil

I'd be happy if I were about 10% different from my MIL to be. (10% less annoying).

We get on brilliantly well, all things considered. The thing I have to be on guard about is that she's pushed her husband's family out (for example - on his birthday, HER relatives come around, and she doesn't like inviting his family to the house).

She'll discover she's messing with the wrong woman if she tries that on my family. Fortunately it was my fiance who warned me about this, and is completely on side. (he disagreed firmly that her friends should be invited to the day of our wedding with his stepdad's family relegated to the evening).

In my experience, that will be largely down to dil. I have two adult sons, each of whom has a child from a relationship first formed in their teens, and now over. One ex thinks dh and I are excellent "pil", the other hates our guts and tried to ban her ds from visiting us. And she succeeded until ds realised what a controlling and manipulative person she is, and left her.

We're the same people. But one "dil" can more easily overlook and forgive our natural human failings, and the other demands that the world (and we) do exactly as she wishes, and be her version of perfect. I doubt she will ever have a good-enough mil.

I hope so. DS has been with his partner 5 years and I take my cues from her. If she wants help with anything she asks. I have areas of expertise and she'd always come to me first for advice and help in those. I am supportive but try to never be needy. They'll be in New York for Christmas and New Year and she asked me first if I minded. I replied we'd have a Christmas on their return. I'm grateful to my MIL for lessons on how not to act.

If I get some of the DILs I see on here, maybe not! I'm astounded sometimes by how little care or respect they have for their partners mothers. Yes some MILs are a nightmare but some are just treated badly I think. The thread got deleted but one woman here the other day didn't want MIL kissing her baby's feet as she found the MIL "gross". She was really mean about her for nothing more than her looks. How can you do anything about that?

I get on well with my daughters partner. He's not that close to his own family so I think that makes a difference too. My son is a very kind of "neutral" person, so when he does get a long term partner he would be the type that he will agree with whoever he feels is right! Whether that's me or her, lol. I would make every effort to get on with her but equally if she were to just take a dislike to me, then my son would insist she was at least respectful and civil, which I would be to her also.

Yup. Cause when my kids have kids I’ll be buying kittens so I don’t feel the crazy maternal urge to go swooping in and fucking everyone off 😂😂

Doubt I’ll have an issue with ds1 tbh, but ds2 might want to leave home get married and forget about me sob

I hope so. Unlike my irritating mil I’ll keep my opinions to myself.

Mind you that will probably mean I’m stand-offish and disinterested.

I like to joke that the only thing my MIL is decent for, is that she’s teaching me how NOT to be a MIL. I can’t be like her; I don’t want any of my DC’s to run for the hills when I visit or hate to be around me.

I will do my very best. It’s a relationship though so it depends on both parties. My own MIL certainly found her PILs very difficult.

We got on really very well until DH and I had D.C.

Now we get on fine on a day to day basis but DH and I are like ducks, serene on the surface and paddling like mad underneath to “manage” the PILs and organise things to suit our family while avoiding tantrums.

I would strongly hope that even if my future DIL and I didn’t see eye to eye on everything that she never need to do that.

I’m planning to follow my own parents example:
offer help but be graceful if it is declined.
Pitch in with vigour where help is accepted or requested.
Follow my DS and DIL’s rules for their children.
Accept that there are another set of Grandparents who are just as important.
Accept that my DS, DIL and their children sometimes need family time and space.
Respect their privacy.
Maintain my own social life and not expect my DS’s family to provide one for me.

My own lovely DPs aren’t perfect but they’ve never thrown a tantrum, tried to emotionally manipulate us, run roughshod over our decisions or insert themselves into our life.

I’m having a conflict with this this week as I’d swore I’d never treat any of my dc’s partners how my mil has treated me over the years.

My ds is 20 and I had a wonderful relationship with his gf of 3ish years. I honestly thought she was just fab. Hard working, funny, a bit of a softy in fact until this time last week I’d of bitched slapped anyone who said anything negative about her.
She’s been cheating on my ds with a older bloke from the gym for months. He’s in bits they were meant to be moving into a flat together this week. He’s given up the one he already had. It’s a right bloody mess.
Today I hate her.

My point is (yes I know they are young) I’ve treated this girl with respect. I’ve listened to her problems without giving to much of my opinion. I’ve helped her/them as much as they’ve requested. I’ve cheered for her when she’s achieved her goals. I’ve never talked negative about her to anyone. Yet she’s cheated on my son, dropped him from a great height while swanning round with new bloke just days after been caught and she doesn’t even have the decency to reply to my message asking what’s happened?.

I feel like I’ve been the good mil but after this I can understand why some go a bit bat shit. Seeing my 6ft lad crying so hard he cant breath because of another woman has broken my heart for him. I can’t fix it or make him feel better. Like I say I know it’s young love and the chances of it working out are slim but seeing your child go though it is very tough. I hope it doesn’t put me off the next but I can imagine I’ll be more wary in the future.

I'm a great MIL.
DSIL and DDIL both say so (I just txt them).
I said it was for market research they both said 'Is it bollocks.You're on Mumsnet aren't you'?

ON Mumsnet

I truly hope so.

I really want my sons to have happy fulfilling lives and supportive marriages and I hope I get to be part of the bigger picture.

I do worry that they fall for someone who is horrible that uses them or treats them badly and lets be honest it can happen.

My sister had some vile partners (this drugs and violence) and my mum did an ok job of hiding the hatred and not looking too relieved when they disappeared as she felt that she couldn't push my sister away by expressing it. But how hard is that.

I would like to say yes.But i did over step bounderiers last week.But know i know i wont make the same mistake again.

My son and his gf are expecting a baby.They live here, they both work.I give them space,i knock and wait to be invited in to their room.

When they get a place i will visit when asked.And when they have the baby i will do as they ask.

My eldest sons gf was afraid to meet me.Her previous bf mother was a nightmare.She says im not,so i take that in good faith.They are both lovely women and im glad i have them in my lives.

I think the main thing to remember is not to give advice (especially re child rearing) unless specifically asked for it.

I hope so.

I’m very independent and I like my own space so I won’t be found barging into my future DIL/ SIL’s house or inviting myself on their holidays.

I might upstage the mother of the bride with a giant hat though .