Will you turn into a good MIL?

[stroppymiss]

Or will you be batshit crazy like the ones you hate now

Probably will be one of the ones on here who people can’t stand

I don’t intend to be a MIL. Over my dead body will some hussy steal away my precious son!

Joking, joking (sort of)

I think being a MIL is probably a good few years off for me. However I have no intention of obtaining a spare set of keys to my DS's home so that I can go in their house whilst he and his other half are at work and go through their private correspondence and move furniture and rearrange things in their cupboards even if they have no idea how to use the space in their house. I also won't keep a few spare keys to their house so that if I have to give one back, I can still get in.

I hope I am a good mil. I am the mum of soon to be 2 sons so I am conscious of the fact that I will probably be a mil one day. I hope to follow the example of my mum who is a wonderful mil. Helpful, kind, aware of boundaries and not overstepping the mark. She is supportive of both me and my husband and follows our lead on how to help look after our son. My mil on the other hand is overbearing, pushy, has no concept of boundaries and is a complete narcissist. I have a terrible relationship with her. I’d hate to have this sort of relationship with a future dil but I would never behave the way she does so it’s not something that worries me too much

I'm a bloody good mil!
It's my dil who is batshit crazy!

My grandson told me that mummy says I put daft ideas into his and his brothers heads...
That's my fucking job isn't it??!!

I have a good MIL but have read about a lot of bad ones. This is my plan to be a good MIL:

1. Welcome my kids and their partners to stay, but not pressure them.
2. When a pregnancy is announced, I'll be telling them "congratulations". I'll be asking if it's okay if we buy some baby gifts - I'm thinking I would probably do an embroidered baby quilt (I do those for nieces and nephews now) and maybe we would offer to buy the crib. Likely we would tell them to go pick out the crib they like and we'll pay for it.
3. I'm a nurse but would not be telling the mum what she should be doing. I'd be letting her know that I'm open to answering questions if she has them but not offering advice unless it's requested.
4. As far as the birth, I'd be telling them "Just let us know when you're ready for us to come". If that's during labour, just after, or a week later, it's okay.
5. As far as parenting, I leave that to the parents. I do this now with my nieces and nephews.
6. I will always ask before giving big or costly gifts. Again, I do this now with my nieces and nephews.

I really hope so it's important to me that I don't behave like my ex mil or my dm.

I'm honest enough to recognise I'll probably make mistakes but my intention is to learn from them and go with not overstepping boundaries and listening when I've buggered up

Fortunately have a while before I need to worry as mine are nearly 6 and 3

Honestly, I think I will be okay, not least because DH and I are very independent and while we'll miss DC dreadfully when they're grown up, I'm confident we'll have our own lives and things we want to do so won't be butting in on them all the time.

However, reading Mumsnet does worry me a little as some DIL and, to a lesser extent, SIL seem to be batshit crazy. I'm always a little surprised when women on here say they want their mum to visit a new baby but MIL can't come for 6 weeks while they're bonding or similar. Of course you want MIL to be considerate of the fact that your'e probably not going to want to get your boob out in front of you and your dh on day 1, but to treat them as second class citizens is horrible. And if my DC's partners did that to me I'd find it very very difficult.

having said that, DH and I are used to smiling politely while family are behaving irrationally so maybe we'd just grit our teeth and get on with it, then bitch behind their backs like we do with others now!

I hope I’ll be ok.
My ex MIL did her best & finally succeeded is killing our relationship. Those four years were the most miserable of my life.
But I learnt;
I do not want a key to my son’s house.
I will never show up uninvited
I will not insist on choosing my son’s kitchen, bed linen or crockery
I will not help myself to my dil’s clothes
I will not walk into their bedroom without knocking
I will not share a bank account with my son
I will not insist on spending every Xmas & new year with my son
I will not try to force my dil to have an abortion
I will not gate crash their dinner parties.

I’m determined not to be so utterly vindictive & poisonous. I will probably retreat to a distant part of the country when I retire and just leave them to come and see me when they feel like it.

I really hope so, I've learned how to be one on here.
My DS's both have really lovely GFs but I do wonder what it would be like if they had partners I didn't like.

I certainly don't do the guilting into things that my MIL does.