Will you turn into a good MIL?

[stroppymiss]

Or will you be batshit crazy like the ones you hate now

The thing with giving opinions is you do it when requested (either explicitly or implicitly). Going into someone's home and saying "that should be there", "that child should be potty trained", etc etc is clearly unwanted advice. If someone says "I can't decide where I should put this chair" and you offer an opinion that's completely different.

I'm going to be a fucking nightmare. My boys are perfect, and I'll always be the main woman in their lives, come hell or high water.

Nah, I'll be alright. About as good as I am as a wife/daughter/Mum to DD/auntie etc. Whether you piss people off depends on whether or not you act like a twat, not what relation you are to them!

Yeah I hope so, and I try to show my MIL the love and respect I'd like. However! It must be really, really difficult if your kid shacks up with someone who mistreats them, or is seriously objectionable. Dunno how I'd cope with that.

I’m going to be practically perfect in every way. I’ll under,one my children atevery available opportunity- grandmas are meant to spoil grandchildren. I’ll buy lovely expensive presents that make a lot of noise. I’ll always have a tin full of homemade biscuits. I’ll arrange unmissable holidays with us.
I can’t wait!

I think a lot of people on here will be bad MILs.

Every time someone posts a thread about in-laws wanting to see their new baby, there's a chorus of "your baby, your rules, your MIL can fuck off and accept whatever scraps you're prepared to throw her from your table".

I can't imagine those people will feel the same way when their children get married and start having babies. Then it will all be about how horrible their DIL/SIL is.

Mils get a bad rap on here. But I think the dils can cause the issue and then not understand the reaction. My dh comes from a culture where elders are very much respected and even if we dont agree we kind of just now smile and if we really don't agree then do our own thing anyways. Saves a lot of arguments and heart breaks over whether a baby should be swaddled or not for example.

Most mils are fine. We only hear about the bad ones. Same goes for dils. Dils. Dhs... well everyone really.

I do worry that they fall for someone who is horrible that uses them or treats them badly and lets be honest it can happen

I'm horrible because he brought me a lovely xmas gift and not her. I am horrible because he shows me he loves me and not her.

I am horrible because I got him to slam a door in her face when they were arguing ( I wasn't in the house) or had anything to do with anything.
I am horrible because HE cleans, gardens and cooks and - and - looks after his own dc in his own house this is disgusting. What tipped her over was when she caught me asking him what he fancied for dinner. She cooks, decided and had complete control over everything.

so - the definition of horrible....

Mils get a bad rap on here This is mumsnet - go onto gransnet

I am, my son-in-law says I'm more of a mother to him than his own ever was. I get on well with my daughter-in-law too.

There's only me and Ds, and at the moment he says he's going to marry me, so not quite sure what's going to happen!

Yet she’s cheated on my son, dropped him from a great height while swanning round with new bloke just days after been caught and she doesn’t even have the decency to reply to my message asking what’s happened?

With all due respect, you being nice doesn't mean she owes you anything. I wouldn't reply to you either, she's not broken up with you, it's your son. And she's 20. She's allowed to fuck up now, learn her lessons so that she doesn't fuck up later. It sucks for your son, but it's part of life.

I think being more wary in the future is daft. Show them all love and kindness - I'm sure he'll have many more girlfriends in his future. One or more will likely stick long term - you want the positive relationship to be in place from the start.

Every time someone posts a thread about in-laws wanting to see their new baby, there's a chorus of "your baby, your rules, your MIL can fuck off and accept whatever scraps you're prepared to throw her from your table".

I have to agree with that. It's the old saying that MILs should put up and shut up.

Every time someone posts a thread about in-laws wanting to see their new baby, there's a chorus of "your baby, your rules, your MIL can fuck off and accept whatever scraps you're prepared to throw her from your table".

I agree with this,and then they wonder why the gp are not close to teh gc

I have two exmil's (not married but long term relationships and grandmothers to my sons), and I love them both to bits. They may be ex, but they are still a huge part of my life, and I'm in contact with them several times a week. They will always be family to me the same as I to them. They've done so much for me over the years, and I've never felt they've interfered etc. Don't get me wrong there's been loads of eye roll moments, and small groans here and there. But nothing more than people do with their own family. I hope I will be like them when my time comes.

Work on the principle that you can't do right for doing wrong and you'll be OK, or so it seems from this website. I do dislike the way in which the female in a relationship seems to expect to be the one to set the rules, her family is pre-eminent, it's hardly surprising that some mothers in law are difficult.

I plan to be an excellent MIL right up until grandchildren arrive. Then I will transform instantaneously into the MIL from hell.

The thing is, I have strong opinions about how children should be brought up and I can't imagine I could keep my ideas to myself. I doubt that is even physically possible .

I have only boy children. I hope so!
I'll:

• accept that they're a family and sometimes want to do some things by themeselves (doesn't mean that that automatically doesn't mean that they don't want to see me, just that they need a happy medium of me and alone time!)

• never seek to undermine parenting decisions, that's for them to decide

• no emotionally guilt tripping if one day they're unable to go out somewhere with me as they have other plans or just want to stay in,say something like "never mind, catch up with you next week" or whatever.

• be always there at a drop of a hat if they need me but have other interests too so not heavily reliant on them

so yes, I know what to do

The thing is, I have strong opinions about how children should be brought up and I can't imagine I could keep my ideas to myself. I doubt that is even physically possible

You're in for a bumpy ride then! You have to accept that your GC aren't your children and that you have to go with what the parents say. Putting your oar in will only cause untold trouble between you and DIL. If she asks for advice then by all means give it but if not keep quiet!

Saracen

Then sadly if you do act like that you won’t see much of your grandchildren anyway.

I think I am a pretty good mil. I have 6 grown up kids and 2 dils. I help with childcare and support any way I can.

I never give unsolicited advice but advise if asked. The whole family went on holiday earlier this year, dh and I paid and we all had a wonderful time. My one dil calls me mamma and the other one said I was ‘the best mil ever’

Preens myself and my mil was fantastic and I miss her every day

Oh and Christmas ‘everyone is welcome at ours but it’s an open invitation. The main thing is for everyone to have the Christmas they want.

RainbowsAmdSmiles

Perfect. And by you acting this way they will want to see you and spend time with you.

Depends on my DiL tbh. I wouldnt be a nightmare though - just maybe distant if we don't get on.

I mean Id hope we'd be close - I adore my own MiL - but when I see how some people on here treat their MiLs - and how they are encouraged to treat them - there's no way Id put up with that.

At present the idea of DS13 becoming a responsible husband/father seems a long way away as he is currently incapable of getting through a day without losing his PE kit and/or bus money!

If I end up becoming a MIL I would hope to be very 'hands off' and not interfere

I've never had a MIL as DH lost his DM to cancer when he was a teenager so I have no preconceived idea about what a MIL should or shouldn't be like

Yy shagged I hope I can raise a son who'll be a decent husband. When I'm struggling with my MIL I repeat to myself 'no her, no DH'. She really did raise a good man and whatever of that is down to her I'm grateful for.

This is virtually a zombie thread but I'm interested. I know I'll be a good MiL because I'm not over-invested in my DCs and have always encouraged them to be independent and certainly not depend on me emotionally. I'll welcome anyone who loves either of them. And I won't be commenting on their parenting skills if it comes to that ... but I will give support asked for. My DPs and PILs were excellent with me and my own and my DSibling's partners.

I am going to be the perfect MiL. Resurrect this thread in 10 years time .....