To not let DD go on this holiday?

[Ziggzagg]

DD just messaged asking if she can go on holiday with her friends family. I asked how much and she replied £1500 and going in August (as in 3weeks away)!

Who just has access to £1500?

Shouldn't the Mum have discussed it with me before getting DD excited? I've said no now but that's cheeky isn't it?

The parents were very rude to suggest this to your child without talking to you.

I don't know how well you know the family; I certainly wouldn't let my child go away with a family I barely knew to the USA. The fact they talked about this with an eleven year old instead of talking to the parents is really bad.

That was a cruel thing for them to do to her.
I am so sorry you are suffering for their thoughtlessness.

I could afford to send my child in these circumstances, but I would definitely say 'no' regardless.

The type of people/parents who would invite a child on a trip to (1) Disney, and (2) a foreign country, without discussing it with me/DH first, are not the types of people I would trust to act in my child's best interests whilst they were away.

Not only is their judgement severely lacking, but to get an 11 year excited about the idea of going to Disney, which is definitely not going to happen, is just plain cruel.It's also setting you up to be the bad guys when you have to say no. I know if this had happened to me at that age, I'd have been devastated and blamed my parents. That would've been so unfair to them, when really it'd be the fault of the twits who planted the idea in the first place.

ETA: I'm assuming it's Disney World, as the destination is Florida.

Looking at Skyscanner I can see flights for about £850. So I don’t think they’re subbing her much (depends if she’s sharing a room which might in effect be free).

I don't understand why you've put this on aibu? Of course you're not BU to say no. I don't even agree with those saying the parents should have asked you first.

My 11 year old wouldn’t be going to Florida without me anyway so the cost etc wouidbe irrelevant

£1500 + travel insurance + US border control thingy + spending money + money for food + clothes + ££ PARK TICKETS ££.

No chance.

US border control thingy = ESTA. Just remembered.

The park tickets are over £600

Then you’ve got universal separately, discovery cove. They’re another few hundred each.

Surprised at the number of people that appear to have NO access to £1500

Yeh and I'm surprised at people like you who are so ignorant that they don't realise not everyone's circumstances are the same as theirs.

Surprised at the number of people that appear to have NO access to £1500. What do you do if there is an emergency that you need a larger amount of money for?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Surprised at the number of people that appear to have NO access to £1500. What do you do if there is an emergency that you need a larger amount of money for?

I believe they say "Oh gosh darn it, I knew I shouldn't have fed the baby or put the heating on in winter so no one would freeze, silly old me!"

To be fair before they invited anyone they'd have to as their DD who she wanted to invite so her DD may have got excited and told your DD before the parents had a chance to broach it with you?

There is NO way I would let my 11 year old travel without being asked first.

Just to go slightly off course here onto the matter of who should pay if another child comes on holiday with you.....

Me and DD (15) were planning a week on a European island in August - if it had been just the two of us we would have got a 1 bed apartment. DD and her friend who I know well thought it might be nice for her to come aswell as otherwise she wouldn't be going away - I had no objections, but obviously that is another flight and a 2 bed apartment instead of a 1. Tbh it never crossed my mind that I should pay for friend at all - I didn't need her to come, but more than happy to have her along. Surely people aren't suggesting that I should incur extra cost for this girl?

Am hoping my situation is seen as being different and I'm not seen as a CF. I was very up front about costs and options, all shared with parents before we booked and they seemed happy to pay the money. As far as I know DD's friend who works as a waitress will be paying parent back a significant proportion of the cost. Whilst out there I would certainly pay extra for friend to do activities, eat out etc and maybe just expect a nominal contribution for this.

I couldn't let my child go off on holiday with anyone else without contributing their proportion of the overall cost - doesn't sit well with me at all.

As an aside, having been to Florida there is NO WAY I would be happy for my older teenage children to go with another family, never mind an 11 year old - it can all be quite overwhelming and it only takes 1 situation you haven't foreseen for differences in parental approach to cause significant problems.

You’re clearly talking an adult friend tactum, which I think is different. Yes we always paid for friends ( still do) if we’ve invited them - even though that might mean a larger villa or additional costs of meals out and activity costs. Our friends always took our children and paid for them. Discussion around money would have been a bit vulgar as you never know whether the other parents can afford it.

In my day {the 1980's} if you were invited to go on holiday with someone else, they would pay and all you had to provide was your spending money. It would have been seen as totally wrong to ask someone to pay for the actual holiday. To ask someone to cough up a large amount of money and have no input on what is going on and how that money will be spent, isn't right. I

By the way, if your daughter is travelling to Florida with people who are not her parents, I would presume you would need to organise a notorised letter giving permission for her to travel. These can cost upwards of £100 and might involve taking time off work etc etc.

DD and friend are Y10 - waitress job is p/t

Beside the point (to which my answer is YADNBU) are there any other Disney goers here who are having palpitations at the thought of adding someone to a Disney holiday with 3 weeks notice?!

Never going to get meal reservations and fastpasses booked during summer with 3 weeks notice!

So you can tell your daughter it's a shit Florida holiday she's missing if that's their level of planning (tongue in cheek, don't shoot me)

Is it something you may do one day yourselves?? If so there is no way I would want my child going on a trip of a lifetime without the family .

I would not let my eleven year old go so far away for so long . Regardless of the money , it’s madness.

I would also be very cross at the parents IF they mentioned to your child as opposed to the girls decided it themselves .

I don’t think 1500 will cover the cost of three weeks in Florida . Thy may well just be flights and accommodation. Tickets are so expensive and food seems to be also.

I would also be very concerned about fast passes etc three weeks out . It’s a holiday that needs to be well planned .

Just say no, your daughter will get over it quickly enough .

I honestly don't know what the etiquette would be re an abroad holiday. It's outside of the realms of my experience so far which is bringing an extra child in the car and tent or bunking up with family children. I think as long as it's discussed openly with parents who would have to foot the bill and with no pressure of expectation anythings fine really and the childcare offer and opportunity obviously very much appreciated. The issue here was getting an 11yo excited and then presenting the parents with a hefty bill. Though the absolutely honest I don't think saying no in this case should be the biggest of deals. Even my 6yo would know that an invitation like that would be contingent on me agreeing and I may well not. Schools pull this sort of stunt quite often from what I hear.

So what did the mum say OP? Have you spoken to her?

It sounds like they (inconsiderately) didn't think that you might not be able to get a spare £1500 at short notice. If you know the family fairly well is there any chance of paying at a later date?

On a side note, I wouldn't really be comfortable with my 11yo going to Florida with another family.