To not let DD go on this holiday?

[Ziggzagg]

DD just messaged asking if she can go on holiday with her friends family. I asked how much and she replied £1500 and going in August (as in 3weeks away)!

Who just has access to £1500?

Shouldn't the Mum have discussed it with me before getting DD excited? I've said no now but that's cheeky isn't it?

Really starzig? I have £1500 at my disposal and I'd totally say no. Wouldnt even feel guilty. Florida holiday is "nice to have" not a necessity.

A lot of people are skint, on low wages and can't save a £1500 emergency fund, starzig. Much less have £1500 wafting around to spend on random holidays for one member of the family.

My post went all skewed, thanks Android.

I think it should have read it's not about having access to £1500 for emergencies, it's about a last minute holiday, which is not justifiable.

starzig £1500 in a fund for emergencies and raiding said fund to send DD to Florida at short notice are 2 monumentally different things. And FYI around a quarter of all British adults have no savings whatsoever so you really shouldn’t be surprised that plenty of people commenting have less than £1500.

Shouldn't the Mum have discussed it with me before getting DD excited? I've said no now but that's cheeky isn't it?

No I will speak with the Mum in the morning, too late now. Been in work for like 10 hours today then college after, can hardly think. The Mum is usually fine got no problem speaking with her about this, just needed to vent

So you have absolutely no idea if this was the other mother's idea at all?? But it seemed like a good idea to put this out there as if it was. And she has been lambasted and called a cheeky fucker....

Yes, I know my DD and she wouldn't say she's been invited if she hasn't.

And I didn't call the Mum a cheeky fucker I asked if the situation was a bit cheeky.

starzig

Today I could easily access that amount of money for a family emergency. When DD was 11 it was a very different situation we were in.

Children have no automatic right to expect their parents to use a family nest egg to pay for a mere holiday. It might be needed for a new boiler next winter, vital repairs to the family car or any number of other good causes. How the money is spent is entirely up to the adults in the family to decide.

I wouldn't want my eleven year old going that far without me regardless of the money.

That's also part of the reason hello

I wasn't talking about dipping savings. I was more talking your sort of bits n bobs account. I appear to be mistaken but I assumed everyone had a bit to be used for general stuff when you don't want to use your savings. Genuinely thought it would be easy just to nab from that and put it back later so save disappointing an 11 year old.

Yeah I have a boys and bobs account but had planned to book a holiday myself considering I work hard and want to spend time with my family. Maybe I should just let her go and stay at home with DH and DS so I don't upset DD?

Bits*

11 years old, absolutely not. Way too young, suppose she gets sick and wants you. Shuddering here...

starzig you know perfectly well a lot of, if not most, people do not have a "bits and bobs" account. You're just showing off. Don't be that person.

I also agree with Sashkin that you are only getting half the story.

Yeah I wish I could shit out a grand from a "bits and bobs" account (since when is £1500 bits and bobs in the real world?)

Your dd might not have made it up, but I can see a scenario where friend was asking if she could go, and the parents (knowing nobody could, or would come up with the money and passport and everything else at that short notice) just said "Well, if you could come up with £1500 by tonight we could add you on", forgetting that an 11 yr old would have no idea that it was clearly a ridiculous notion / bit of a joke.

starzig

I’ve got that money in the bank 20 times over and I’d still think it was an extravagant amount to spend on a holiday for me.

Of course you're right and I will speak to the Mum tomorrow just wondering what everyone's else thought! On the face of it it looks cheeky but I'll get the full story no doubt tomorrow

No you didn't, starzig, NOBODY is that stupid.

Genuinely thought it would be easy just to nab from that and put it back later so save disappointing an 11 year old.

I just... I can’t .... I have no words...

Just wouldn't expect DD to hatch a plan like that but I guess they change as they get older!

Woah that's pricy! Flight, meals and I'm guessing Disney passes? It shouldn't be that much for an extra child.

Especially for an eleven year old on a trip that is presumably already happening, meaning accommodation costs aren't going to suddenly shoot up, or car hire or whatever.

It wasn't ok to tell your DD without asking you, both money and respect for you, she's eleven!

I honestly don't think eleven is too young for a child to learn that money doesn't come from nowhere and can't be thrown around. It's a valuable lesson!

Maybe talk to the parent, they may have wanted company for their child and got overexcited (and yes inappropriate - unless the child is 18 and paying for themselves, the parent should talk to you first!), maybe they are just clueless about the world.

I don't think your DD will be especially disappointed. Its a sudden suggestion, not something that's been dreamt of and planned for months suddenly being cancelled. I think the notion will go as quickly as it has appeared.

It's fine to say "DD, trips take lots of planning to organise lots of things. I know you'd love to go, but we are going to do xyz and we can talk about Florida/Disney later and research planning a trip there another time, but we all can't just suddenly spend lots of money on a trip that we haven't planned"

Maybe add "Plus, have you had all your many travel VACCINATIONS? That takes time because there's so many!" Yes I know there are none, obviously, but that may be enough to keep DD in the country for a few years more:)

TBH I wouldn’t expect parents to pay for any holiday for a child other than family holidays and school trips. If your kids want to go away with their friends they can wait until they’re old enough to pay for it themselves.