To not let DD go on this holiday?

[Ziggzagg]

DD just messaged asking if she can go on holiday with her friends family. I asked how much and she replied £1500 and going in August (as in 3weeks away)!

Who just has access to £1500?

Shouldn't the Mum have discussed it with me before getting DD excited? I've said no now but that's cheeky isn't it?

Trust me I have nothing to show off about. I am on a fairly low wage myself. I was brought up to keep money aside though. Guess it has just stuck with me.

I wasn't talking about dipping savings. I was more talking your sort of bits n bobs account. I appear to be mistaken but I assumed everyone had a bit to be used for general stuff when you don't want to use your savings. Genuinely thought it would be easy just to nab from that and put it back later so save disappointing an 11 year old.

Now you are just coming across as ignorant instead of the show off you clearly want to be.

We’ve often taken friends on holiday and ours have gone with friends frequently. Not necessarily the same friends swooping. We’d never consider asking for payment and have never been asked. If you want someone to entertain your child then you pay. We’ve always sent a ‘dowry’ of some pocket money and instructions to buy ice creams and a token present for hosts and a decent bottle of something but never paid.
Ours have had amazing holidays with friends and we’ve taken children abroad but as guests. The only time they pay is if it’s a group of late teens going away together - our youngest hired a large house in Cornwall post exams with friends and everyone chipped in. I did a Tesco shop. Another parent (farmer) sent a meat delivery to last the fortnight. The wine importer parent sent alcohol. Otherwise they added costs up, shared transport and paid equally. The parents making donations did not expect the youngsters to pay us back, obviously.

Starzig, don't do that please. You're embarrassing yourself and it's painful to watch. Just stop.

Oh and goodness me no, you can't miss out on a family holiday and have your DS and DH lose because your DD has a random possible invite!

I'd tell her than. Honey if you were to go, that would mean DH, DS and I will have no holiday. Do you want that?

If she says "yes", send her for all the vaccinations for all the world, all of them!

I've invited my dds best friend on holiday with me and my DD end of summer hols.I asked her mum at last year with my DD sworn to secrecy in case she said no.It was my invitation so I pay(her mind is ask how much but really it is just the cost of the flight and my invitation so I pay).
The entire week will cost less than £1500 for of us but granted,not going toFlorida.They are 16,no way would I have asked a younger child.
My motivation as someone above said is for 2 teens that I trust to have a holiday together with me trailing along in the shade relaxing.
At 11 pgl was the most freedom she had or sleepovers.It is tactless of the parents not to have asked you first and with such short notice.I would say no,your dad is not too young for you to explain that you cannot afford it.

DD not dad!

To be fair to @starzig I do have savings that stay there(for eg boiler or car) and save separately for hols etc. still don't have £1500 to pay for a holiday of a lifetime while the rest of the family sit at home in the rain

I explained that we were booking a holiday and she just asked if her friend can come!! Haha!! She's not selfish, once she realised that the rest of the family would miss out she asked where we were all going!

send her for all the vaccinations for all the world, all of them! actual LOL.

OP, the parents are obviously on drugs to think their short notice plan is a normal idea so all the more reason to say no.
It’s more likely the silly children hatched up a silly plan by themselves and it would be news to the parents.

Yes, but the reason I now have saving (and es, I could access that money right now if I needed) is partly down to the fact that I wouldn't spend £1500 on just one of my dc going on a holiday that the rest of the family couldn't afford.

I presume starzig is just winding people up though

I presumed the same

I went on a trip to Florida with my boyfriend's family when I was 20, organised probably when I was 19.

All parents involved were happy with us being part of a family holiday because we were high school sweethearts style, four years, they all knew fine well about physical intimacy and lack thereof as both families chatted about it with us and each other, in making sure they had the same rules for us in both homes and respecting all parents.

We had also both become part of the others family, very close with the siblings, shared Christmases, my parents went to grown up evenings and parties with the other parents, they were all friends and had just simply met through us. They all expected us to get married. They all got to know each other and spent time together without us as well as with us, so there was plenty of understanding exactly who your child was spending time with, as well as what the parents would like in terms of behaviour.

Even then, at 19/20, for this holiday, my bfriends mother spoke to my Mum way in advance, said I was welcome to join and they'd love to have me, if my parents were ok with that. I was 20! She spoke to my parents before mentioning it to me or my bfriend and his sister, who was like my sister as we were close. Both would have and did say "Hell yes, we want Lu to come, so cool!" and we were three overgrown kids in Disneyland together:)

I paid for my flight (20 years old, would be a bit much for me to ask my parents), the family said "Well we have the villa, the hire car and the family passes anyway", there's no difference in costs, so just your flight is fine. I and my parents wrote thank you cards and bought gifts to say thank you afterwards, it wasn't expected, but a spa trip, a nice bottle of whiskey and a pretty necklace (for mother and sister who had shared her family time too!) was just thoughtful, especially as they had been generous in taking me, in a respectful way as if I was of their own! That's what you do when you take a young person on a family holiday with you, they are still the same age as your own kid and need to feel that way.

They also had family trips without me, which I always thought and think is important. I was part of the family but it was still important for them to have time together as their own family as they had since the kids were really little and as they were getting older, maybe they'd be losing the group of four of them before long so it was nice for them to have that time.

That was at 20 years old. That's how parents should be behaving towards each other:)

Genuinely thought it would be easy just to nab from that and put it back later so save disappointing an 11 year old.

Well some 11yr olds, should be taught that the bloody universe doesn't revolve them & disappointments are part & parcel of growing up. So the quicker they learn that, the better for them.

OP "Maybe I should just let her go and stay at home with DH and DS so I don't upset DD?"

No way! Imagine what that would teach her!

The above isn't aimed at the OPs DD btw.

To be honest I am amazed that there are mums on here prepared to pay out all this money just because they didn't want to disappoint their daughters!!! She's 11 - what happens when her bestie gets a new car for her 17th?

... oh and no one had to be sent for ALL THE VACCINATIONS this way:)

Peace, love and understanding people, it's the way forward:)

isnt this sounding like the two girs.so one friend has said to her mum "can she comes can we ask her can we ask her can we ask her mum if hse can some" and although she should have thought on and asked you herself perhaps your dd or her friend said "oh ill ask mum shel be fine with it " etc etc. I don't think its anyone being so purposefully harsh surely not.otherwise it is just a bit silly and I think its more wires crossed kind of situation.
plus to florida this sound really quite good actually! so if this is wha tit costs this is what its cost and they probably thought "well we can only ask".
some peope do have this money.they don't have to wealthy always either.i know a few familys that literally scrimp and save for that azming holiday every year. everyones different.
try not to thnk too much on it now and wait and see what the mum says.you can then gauge your reaction then.right now your just going on an initial reaction to a tricky situation you don't no all th facts on yet.

god to have that much money to spend on a holiday.god to have that much money full stop!

To be honest I am amazed that there are mums on here prepared to pay out all this money just because they didn't want to disappoint their daughters!!! She's 11 - what happens when her bestie gets a new car for her 17th?

Maybe starzig can pay for the holiday then buy a car? [eink]

Just wouldn't expect DD to hatch a plan like that but I guess they change as they get older

It’s not necessarily deliberate, just two excited 11yos only hearing what they want to hear.

what happens when her bestie gets a new car for her 17th?

We ended up in this situation a few years ago. Our daughter passed her driving test first time a few months after her birthday. We allowed her to drive her Dad's car added to his insurance on a few evenings a week, when he didn't need it for work.

Her friend a few months older failed her test and the parents immediately went out and bought her a car in case she managed to pass her test next time round.

Just don't go there!

Forget it, at age 11 I would not let her away without parents for a day not to mind to the US for THREE WEEKS! Don't forget you will have to buy travel insurance also, + spending money. Nope.

Just say it is too long (and too far) to be away and that you will miss her terribly or some shite like that.

Would you not be concerned about her being in the US with Trump anyway lol.

NO from me.

Starzig You are surely being disingenuous not to realise that many, many families have to count every single penny.

DH and I are both higher income earners. We could afford the money without any problem.

We’d still say no and without the slightest shadow of guilt. It’s not a sensible use of that money.

I’m far more surprised that you would spend £1500 at short notice just because you don’t want to be “mean” to an 11 yo.

Money has to be earned and properly managed - you do your children no favours throwing money you can’t really afford at them every time they stamp their feet.