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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want sil to move in

119 replies

Elderflower78 · 16/07/2018 17:45

Sil works away from home. She has applied for jobs back home. She is hinting at staying with us for 6 months as we have a spare bedroom. Only us and her grandparents have a spare bedroom out of the family.
Dh and I are ttc and I really don't need the stress of trying to shag while his sister is in the house. It makes me uncomfortable.....and even when we aren't ttc I like my own space. I work hard, I have dc and I like time to myself or with dh. I'm an introvert and really value my own space.

The spare room is for the potential baby that's why we bought a house with a spare room but ever since moving in his family have hinted at staying all the time. It stresses me out.
She hasn't actually asked yet but dropping hints and it's coming.
Aibu to say a firm no?

OP posts:

teaandtoast · 17/07/2018 18:16

I'd start decorating that bedroom and get rid of the bed.

bastardkitty · 17/07/2018 18:21

'We've got plans for our home office. Do you want your bed back or shall we take it to the tip?' for the parents. Really do not wait to be asked or you'll be on the back foot.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 17/07/2018 18:26

First order of business is to take her bed back to her parents house. That will send a clear message that this is not acceptable.
Wtf is wrong with all these ILs, who seem to ignore the fact that their son/daughter has a partner who wants a say on eho stays in their house. Why on earth do they think they can treat their adult offspring's homes like extensions of their own?

LeighaJ · 17/07/2018 18:30

Ugh no just no. 6 months? For free? That's really taking the piss.

Holidayshopping · 17/07/2018 18:44

How old is your child? I’d get rid of the bed with a ladder (they are a pain in the arse to make) and put them in the sister in law’s bed.

As long as your DH doesn’t cave-she won’t move in. She and her parents are fucking cheeky though! Their child, their problem!

Holidayshopping · 17/07/2018 18:49

She says she won't have the money to rent somewhere herself. She wants to move in and build up a bit of money

That’s called sponging!

How do you get on with your in laws in general?

Gemini69 · 17/07/2018 19:36

She says she won't have the money to rent somewhere herself.

this is her problem... not yours OP.. don't let her or the Family try to make it your problem

Original poster

Elderflower78 · 17/07/2018 19:39

I've just thought....her parents stay in the same street as us. I bet she's round here all the time even if she's not staying over. She did that when she was visiting last year. Came round at 10pm because her parents were doing her head in. I can't be bothered with all this.

OP posts:

LoveInTokyo · 17/07/2018 19:53

I really don't understand why she can't house share with people her own age. If she's already working in another location and renting a flat there, has she really not got any money left in the bank at the end of the month?

If not, she can always move in with her parents for a few weeks until she's got her deposit back from her current landlord and then use it to put down a deposit on a new house share.

No?

EggysMom · 17/07/2018 20:01

I bet she's round here all the time even if she's not staying over.

'No' is a full sentence. But if you need more, it's 'No, we have child(ren), visitors during the daytime and by arrangement only'

LoveInTokyo · 17/07/2018 20:06

How about, "I'm sorry you can't come in, DC has gone to bed and we are just about to" ?

nibblingandbiting · 17/07/2018 20:16

I’d be asking her why 6 months. It should be weeks at the most.
Apply for job. Look for house shares. Save like crazy from current job. Get both sorted and if needs be there the deposit from current place. Couple of weeks top.

As for rocking up at 10? No goodbye and close door.

SalemBlackCat · 17/07/2018 22:44

Definitely not unreasonable. 6 months is a very long time. And if it isn't working and you really want her to leave, or even when the 6 months is up, you will have a battle to get her to leave. It will get harder and harder, and she will probably want to extend it for a month, then another month, etc. I was in a similar situation and it does become more harder to ask them to leave and you feel really bad. You really don't need that stress. Best not to start in the first place. Stay strong.

Maelstrop · 17/07/2018 22:47

You mean her parents live on the same road? Just answer the door in a breathless state of undress EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME!! She’ll soon get the hint. :D

SalemBlackCat · 17/07/2018 23:32

Also, start calling the spare room 'the nursery' or 'the baby's room'. It will stick her her/their mind every time you say it that it is for your future child. It is reserved. Taken.

CoffeeOrSleep · 18/07/2018 09:51

god you all live in the same street?!

Give them the bed back!

Agree with Salem - rename the 'spare room' - that suggests it's unused - make it the 'office' or 'hobby room' or 'tv room' or 'my dressing room'. Or anything! It is not a 'spare room' - this suggests it's going begging. It is not!

DarlingNikita · 18/07/2018 10:01

She did that when she was visiting last year. Came round at 10pm because her parents were doing her head in.

Don't open the door to her. Tell her 'we don't have people over at night, and text us if you want to come over during the day.'

She sounds like she's about 13. Her parents haven't done her any favours pandering to her.

Bibesia · 18/07/2018 10:15

She did that when she was visiting last year. Came round at 10pm because her parents were doing her head in.

Answer has to be: That's a shame, but we're on our way to bed. Goodnight!

CoffeeOrSleep · 18/07/2018 10:24

If she starts coming around at 10pm every day, then you need to keep saying you are about to go to bed, it's too late for you etc. Don't stay up if DH lets her in, you are goign to bed. Make a point of not having snacky food/wine/beer in all the time.

But you might be worrying about something that's not going to happen - get rid of the 'spare room' one way or another (no bed!) and then she will see her options are at her parents (who do her head in) or find her own place. If she's lived in flat shares at uni, she'll probably work out that's a better option.

Your 'job' is to encourage that.

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