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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want sil to move in

119 replies

Elderflower78 · 16/07/2018 17:45

Sil works away from home. She has applied for jobs back home. She is hinting at staying with us for 6 months as we have a spare bedroom. Only us and her grandparents have a spare bedroom out of the family.
Dh and I are ttc and I really don't need the stress of trying to shag while his sister is in the house. It makes me uncomfortable.....and even when we aren't ttc I like my own space. I work hard, I have dc and I like time to myself or with dh. I'm an introvert and really value my own space.

The spare room is for the potential baby that's why we bought a house with a spare room but ever since moving in his family have hinted at staying all the time. It stresses me out.
She hasn't actually asked yet but dropping hints and it's coming.
Aibu to say a firm no?

OP posts:

Delatron · 17/07/2018 11:35

I agree. If you give people a reason they tend to come back with a counter argument, or a suggested compromise.

Exactly as above ‘not that doesn’t work for us’. End of conversation.

Delatron · 17/07/2018 11:36

No that doesn’t work for us!

VimFuego101 · 17/07/2018 11:41

Definitely get rid of the bed! Be strong OP

Hilda40 · 17/07/2018 11:53

Is ttc noisier than recreational sex?

holidaycountdown54321 · 17/07/2018 12:00

My sister stayed over for 1 night after a family party last week, I was frustrated on Sunday morning that I couldn't have sex (our kids were both still asleep, that never happens so opportunities are few and far between!!!). I couldn't even imagine my sil moving in, I'd find even a week a looooong time. Our walls are made of paper, even talking can be heard!

You just want your space and privacy. If you are ttc too you need your privacy even more so. Who wants to be worrying about muted sex and accidentally leaving pregnancy test wrappers by the loo.

Just smile and say, no that really wouldn't work, sorry.

JuliaJaynes9 · 17/07/2018 12:01

Giving her information about your love life is a very bad idea, it's like inviting her to be part of your intimate circle, it makes her staying in the spare room as part of your immediate family seem like the natural and normal thing to do.

If you really want to keep her away then keep her at arm's length, don't give her personal information

why on earth did you even let her bed end up in your house in the first place?

JuliaJaynes9 · 17/07/2018 12:04

her parents should be encouraging her to find a house share... to live like an independent adult not trying to palm her off on another family member
It's as if they want to keep her as a dependent child

Starlighter · 17/07/2018 12:26

Not frickin way!

I like my own space too. 6 months is way too long. Surely nobody would be that cheeky to actually ask?! Why would you want to impose yourself on a family home for that long?!

I’d struggle with having house guest for 6 DAYS though, let alone 6 months!!

CoffeeOrSleep · 17/07/2018 12:48

Frankly, OP - the bed might be nice for when DC1 grows out of theirs, but it's going to worth the cost of buying your own one to not have SIL stay!

Get rid of it. Or at least tell them you are getting rid of it... no spare bedroom to be filled. If they have to put you out by suggsting a sofa bed in the living room, that's a much bigger 'ask' than using an unused bedroom.

It at least starts the idea you don't have space for SIL.

Lucisky · 17/07/2018 12:50

I wouldn't be hanging on to the bed just because you will need it in a few years, you need it out of that room ASAP. Getting a new bed when the time comes will be a lot easier than winkling out an unwanted lodger.

fieryginger · 17/07/2018 14:19

Your sil can share with her sibling at her parents home. If she's desperate for somewhere, then she can do it.

It's cfery all round to put this on you.

I'm just coming from having DS's GF moving herself into our house, little by little till she just lived with us, we've moved her out again. It is so hard to relax with someone you don't wish to, living with you. It doesn't mean I don't like her, I really do, but I don't want to live with her.

Original poster

Elderflower78 · 17/07/2018 16:09

God your right I shouldn't be telling anyone personal info like that, especially when we don't want to.
I'm going to go with no as a finished sentence. Surely any decent person would understand that we just want our privacy as a family.
She wanted to have Xmas day with us which I said no to as well. I wanted to have her round for xmas dinner and Xmas evening but I wanted Xmas morning in our new house with just dh and dc as we had never spent an Xmas in our own house before. I hate having to say no to people. I just wish people would wait to be invited first. Also it's not like she would be on her own Xmas morning either....again it's about the spare room.

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 17/07/2018 16:17

How old is she?

Semster · 17/07/2018 16:38

I'd lend her the deposit rather than have her move in with you.

Imchlibob · 17/07/2018 16:51

Absolutely say no. I'd go with the "Tinkley Laugh" and say omg can you imagine! Thank God my house sharing days are over but really you need housemates that aren't such close family - then if it doesn't work out you never need to see them again. I'd hate to damage our relationship with the stress of housesharing in a house this size.

Original poster

Elderflower78 · 17/07/2018 17:13

She's 24

OP posts:

Lizzie48 · 17/07/2018 17:14

I'd lend her the deposit rather than have her move in with you.

I quite agree, in fact I'd give her the money and not care about whether she ever paid me back.

BlueBug45 · 17/07/2018 17:30

OP you definitely don't want a 24 year old in your house. She needs to share with people her own age, or move back home as that will make her move out. If she is lucky her grandparents may put up with her for a while but she will do their heads in as well. The reason is that she is too independent to be told what to do, but won't be independent enough.

BunnyCarr · 17/07/2018 17:30

Don't give her any money!
Why should you?

Please don't cave and take her in.
Its likely she'll want to stay for years, she sounds like a CF.

DarlingNikita · 17/07/2018 17:34

I'd lend her the deposit rather than have her move in with you.

Bollocks to that.

Original poster

Elderflower78 · 17/07/2018 17:45

We lent her the money for deposit for last place she did pay it back but I wasn't happy at the time. We just managed to get our own house deposit together at the time and had to dip into it.
I don't know what she will do but she can't stay here. I didn't buy a three bedroom so I could occupy lodgers.

OP posts:

Original poster

Elderflower78 · 17/07/2018 17:48

It will be little hints for months on end until she actually moves back and then she will ask outright. I've told dh I don't want it or don't want to even consider it. If her family try and get us to cave he will need to tell them no also. I can't see the grandparents wanting it either tbh they are loving their retirement and pretty much babysit their other granddaughter every day too....i doubt they would want someone else to be living there too.

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 17/07/2018 17:58

I thought you were going to say she was 18 or something.

She's 24 and she can sort herself out. Keep strong!

morningperson · 17/07/2018 17:58

Good, stay strong Elderflower. We're all behind you.

Semster · 17/07/2018 18:00

She's 24 and she can sort herself out. Keep strong!

Agreed!

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