Contraception hates me - I'm destined to be single, right?

[ReallyWTF]

I've tried:

Condoms = buzzkill and not sustainable longterm.
Two different types of combined pill = weight gain, anxiety, depression, acne.
Two different types of mini pill = weight gain and hair loss.
Copper IUD = very painful cramps, anemia through 2-week-long blood loss, unbearable anxiety and depression.
"Natural timing" = resulted in two MAP experiences.

AIBU to think I'm totally fucked in terms of maintaining a relationship? Men are used to women taking on the bulk of contraceptive burden, and most women can do so without any issues. So I'm a dud in the woman-stakes.

I'm at the end of my tether after my current experience with the copper IUD (my worst experience yet - literal mental breakdown, anxiety and irritability beyond anything I have experienced before). I'm phoning tomorrow to get the thing removed.

I love sex and have an above average sex drive, but nature is against me. AIBU to think I need to give up the thought of a sexlife outside the procreational realm? I have 4 kids and no desire for more but can't stomach the finality of sterilization. Partner is scared of going under the knife (and tbh why should he have to when, as I said above, most women wouldn't need him to?)

Feeling really, really, sad and fed up :(

Haven't RTFT, but have you tried diaphragms? You could ask at your local family planning clinic if they could fit one for you. Alternatively, you can get a Caya diaphragm, which fits nearly everybody, on Amazon. There are no hormones to mess up your system. You put it in at bedtime (a bit like putting in a tampon; it takes a tiny bit of practice but you'll soon get the hang of it) and you're good to go. Take it out in the morning, rinse and repeat.

Is this man the father of your 4 kids? Is he really that blade about whether you have any more? Does he do any looking after or do you do everything because “that’s what society expects?”

If a man would really leave the mother of his 4 children just so he can have condomless sex without a vasectomy then frankly he is no prize worth having.

Also if you’re desperate for the coil out ASAP I’d assume a consultant gynae could do that. If you find local private ones then call their secretary and ask.

If using a condom would make him leave you he honestly isn't worth sleeping with or being with. You really need to have more self respect.
Many women can't go on hormones. Men worth their salt are willing to take on their share of the burden of contraception.

Another vote for the diaphragm, now that the sponge and Femidom have been abolished

Diaphragm vote here too. It’s not a popular choice but it worked for us for years.

Cervical cap - not as well known as the diaphragm, but you can leave it in longer and put it in further ahead of time.
I have recommended it twice on here already, and always mention it on threads like this; as far as I know I am always ignored. I don't understand why people are so uninterested in barrier methods other than condoms.

@clarashu @UpStartCrow and @ConstantlyCold alternative barrier methods are now very hard to get on the NHS, which is why you won't find many women trying them.

In my case I have problems like the OP with hormonal contraception so was told to get a copper coil. My OH hearing and reading about the issues including the fact I have a friend and a sister who each became pregnant with one in, said he would prefer to use condoms.

You have a partner problem, not a contraception problem. Who would go elsewhere because they have to use condoms? You sound a bit immature.

You sound deeply insecure OP if you believe your value to your partner is so heavily reliant on the quality of your sec life, particularly if you think he'll go elsewhere if he can't have sex without a condom.

Are the 4 kids his?

You don't want more dc, so - sterilisation. Yes it's a big step, but as you say he's not bothered if you had more dc, but you are, (and no wonder it's you that carries them) then I do think it falls to you.

It's sad you're in a relationship that you think is so fragile that he'd cheat on you or leave because of condom use.

OP, I managed to get my coil removed the very same day that I decided I wanted it out, by going to a walk-in sexual health clinic. Do you have anything like that near you?

“What man would use condoms every day for the rest of his life”
I would think most?
Maybe DH is a weirdo? Who knows 🤷‍♀️