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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think women drivers deal with a lot of bullying

93 replies

Galwithavan · 15/07/2018 11:48

I'm a pretty good driver, I'm not going to say I'm perfect because nobody is but I took an advanced drivers course and flew through it. My instructor is a police instructor and was absolutely excellent. I am a good, conscientious driver. I'm aware of my surroundings, I don't hold up progress on roads. I also drive a small car that would be seen a bit as a "woman's car." I'm a small woman and while driving, viewed from another car I look younger than I am. My DS's car seat is ERF so it and he is very visible. It's pretty obvious that I'm a woman and the mother of a small child.

And OMG do I get seriously bullied by some men on the road. Drivers, driving right up my exhaust pipe. Overtaken on motorways even when I'm driving at the speed limit maintaining a safe distance from the car in front. Then the overtaker squeezes in, in front of me and immediately hits the brakes because they have realised that they are speeding/about to hit the car in front. I take a regular right hand turn off a national road and at least a third of the time, in spite of indicating in good time, I have cars try to over take me on the right. Then get aggressive with me. I regularly have drivers shout at me, gesture at me, flash me, etc. I once had a seriously aggressive man drive up behind me on a residential road and flash his fog lights into my rear view mirror to try and dazzle me, which was absolutely terrifying for me and DS.

This isn't a constant thing. Most people are good, conscientious drivers who are courteous on the road. But it does happen enough to be a kind of low level unpleasantness that I've just come to expect as part and parcel of driving.

Recently I bought a camper van. It's a converted biggish Ford Transit van. It's white. From the back and sides it looks like a white van. I've only driven it a few times and tbvh, I'm not fantastic at driving it just yet as it's very, very different from my car. It accelerates slower (and even when I improve at driving with it, it still will.) I have to brake differently as the momentum is much heavier. Going up and down hills in it is a completely different ball game and I haven't gotten to grips with it yet which means I lose speed partway up and end up braking all the way down. I'm not bad or a danger while driving it, but I certainly am annoying. I know I'd be a bit exasperated if I was driving behind me.

And fucking no-one tries to bully me. Nobody drives aggressively behind me. Nobody overtakes me and plays silly buggers in front of me. Nobody drives up my ass and tries to bully me into the hard shoulder. It just doesn't happen. I'm not as good a driver in it but I get a lot more respect. And why? Well I can only assume it's because they can't see me very well (or at all from behind) and are assuming that I'm a tradesman or a 'man with a van.' They certainly aren't guessing that I'm a 'vulnerable little woman.'

Like I said, I've only driven it a few times but the difference is utterly stark. The first time I was driving it and it wasn't accelerating quickly enough, I started to feel a little tense, waiting for the aggressive behaviour I experienced as a learner. But it never came. It's very freeing to drive as 'a man' and experience this other world of just being left alone to do what you are doing.

OP posts:
Kingkiller · 15/07/2018 11:53

I can't say I've noticed this tbh. There are arsehole drivers on the road but I tend to think they behave like arseholes to everyone. I mean, I'm sure there are dinosaur chauvinists who still have ludicrous opinions about women drivers, but I've never seen any evidence of it on the road. I drive a 4wd but have driven in small cars over the years and haven't noticed any difference in the way I'm treated by other road-users tbh.

FatSally · 15/07/2018 11:55

I've never experienced any problems specifically from male drivers, even when I was driving a tiny, pink, Matiz.

Tbph to experience all of these issues does suggest to me that you're maybe not the best driver....and you also sound as if you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder with the whole 'big bad men bully me' rhetoric...you'll usually experience what you expect imo 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nikephorus · 15/07/2018 11:56

There are arsehole drivers on the road but I tend to think they behave like arseholes to everyone.
This ^^. Plus it's easier to be an arse to someone driving a smaller vehicle because they can't cause as much damage to you if they react aggressively to your behaviour!

treaclesoda · 15/07/2018 11:57

I think it's a small car big car thing. When I drive a small car I get loads of aggression. When I drive a big car I get left alone.

MakeMineALarge1 · 15/07/2018 11:57

I drive a small car, I drive every day on motorways - can't say I have ever felt bullied on the road. Maybe you reap what you sow.

gekiort · 15/07/2018 11:58

I have never experienced bullying when I'm driving. I drive a good 8 hours of the day.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 15/07/2018 11:58

Try being a woman driving a sports car. That clearly annoys any male driver, particularly at traffic lights, where they rev their engines to ensure they beat you away from the lights. Definitely threatening to the male ego.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 15/07/2018 11:58

I've never experienced specific behaviour because I'm female , even when I rode a bike and wore form fitting leathers so it was obvious I was female

Sorry but I would think you probably drive in a way that winds people up

That said I do think this heat is making everyone short tempered ,I've seen more rows on the road recently than I usually do and I am on the road a huge amount with work

endofthelinefinally · 15/07/2018 11:58

I think there has been some interesting research done on this. I did read about an experiment done with stereotypical cars with child seats vs "male" cars with a male driver with long hair.
Cant remember where but it was thought provoking.

CluedoAddict · 15/07/2018 11:59

I drive a lot and some women are atrocious at driving. It embarrasses me sometimes how bad they are. My children's school is on a wide road about four car widths wide. I watched a woman on Friday do a 3 point turn except it was a 18 point turn. The traffic coming either way was backed right up. That sort of driver gives all women a bad name.

DuckingMel · 15/07/2018 12:01

I drive a "boy racer" car. Not ever had any issues. That said, I've never driven a tiny "women's" car. I have a truck drivers license, and find that people respect vans and trucks much more than regular cars of any size. It makes sense as trucks are much more unwieldy, heavy, harder to stop and turn and can't see behind them or directly below them very well.

Nothisispatrick · 15/07/2018 12:02

I can't say I've ever experienced this. The worst driving behaviour I have encountered has usually been from other women, in fact just the other day a woman beeped me at a roundabout when she didn't have right of way, I just gave her a Hmm face.

cuppaandcake · 15/07/2018 12:04

Can't say I've ever experienced this. Tbh it sounds as though your not as good a driver as you think and the way you drive annoys people

TatterdemalionAspie · 15/07/2018 12:05

I haven't ever felt 'bullied' on the road at all, in 25 years of driving in a variety of cars. There are plenty of arseholes around, and sometimes they come right up my arse (flashing the brake lights at them a few times usually sorts that out), but I don't think they're bullying me - they're just arseholes.

I have noticed that men sometimes seem to take exception to being overtaken by a woman, though, and speed up when they realise. Maybe they don't like being overtaken in general, though.

To be honest, if this is happening to you quite as often as you describe, I would take a look at your driving and why that's making so many other drivers angry.

I'd imagine that it doesn't happen in your van because people are expecting your van to be slower and more ponderous, so aren't surprised/irritated by your driving.

sockportal · 15/07/2018 12:07

@Foxyloxy1plus1 I had a bad experience whist driving a sports car, it seemed people try to kill me on a daily basis. My husband never had this problem as he is strapping man, and never understood why I started to hate my car.

I stuck a sticker on it that said "powered by fairy dust," husband drove the car for one day with that sticker on and came home and ripped it off. He had a experienced my life for one day.

People do bully tiny women drivers or what they perceive to be women drivers.

emwithme · 15/07/2018 12:09

Oh god yes I agree. In my white Aygo people cut me up, bully me and expect me to drive like a granny. In DH's last car - a beat up black 4x4 - no one did. People moved out of my way on motorways etc. In his current car (brand new silver golf estate) I am the nice kind of invisible. People don't attempt to bully me off the road or tailgate me (when I'm in a queue of traffic doing the same speed as the car in front, where do they expect me to go?) but just let me get on with the drive.

(I don't drive particularly differently in any of the cars - in fact I possibly drive the Aygo harder because (a) it's mine all mine and (b) it's not brand new so I'm not scared of it!)

Smushrooms · 15/07/2018 12:09

Cluedoaddict. Why should a bad female driver give women drivers a bad name? I don't drive but I'm sometimes a passenger and there's no shortage of terrible and entitled rude male drivers out there, so why is it ok for women to be stereotyped as terrible drivers because of the occasional woman who is, but not men?

keepingbees · 15/07/2018 12:12

I drive a fairly big car, people tailgate me at speed limit, pull out on me, generally behave like idiots. To be fair, a lot of my near misses have been women in 4x4 type cars! Ive come to the conclusion a lot of people are just arseholes and turn into control freaks behind the wheel.

DubaiismyBlackpool · 15/07/2018 12:13

To be honest, I find I have more problems with other women drivers than male. They are far more aggressive than the men.
I only experience problems with male drivers if I try to overtake them, but I thought that was down to my cute green Citroen - Peggy ii - making them feel emasculatedGrin.

Blaablaablaa · 15/07/2018 12:14

It's definitely a small car big car thing....I drive a small car but DH's is much bigger. We both notice a big difference in attitude depending on which car we're in.

I also noticed a difference recently when I had to drive my small car after I'd been in an accident ( not my fault, I was stationary at a zebra crossing) it was as though people assumed I was a poor driver because it was obvious I'd been in an accident.

RoxanneMonke · 15/07/2018 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuckingMel · 15/07/2018 12:15

Probably depends on what kind of small car, though... Mine's a Suzuki Swift Sport. Never had a problem.

steff13 · 15/07/2018 12:16

I've never experienced this, and I've been driving since I was 16, so 25 (!) years now. I think an aggressive driver is probably aggressive with everyone.

FASH84 · 15/07/2018 12:16

I've not experienced this on a regular basis and see it just as often when a passenger in DHs car, I travel the country for work , usually driving so spend a lot of time on the road. You either live in an area for horrendous drivers or you're not quite the pro you think you are and people are getting frustrated at your driving.

FASH84 · 15/07/2018 12:19

@sockportal
I stuck a sticker on it that said "powered by fairy dust,"

Really? You deserve to be tailgated, for being ridiculous, not female