To think women drivers deal with a lot of bullying

[Galwithavan]

I'm a pretty good driver, I'm not going to say I'm perfect because nobody is but I took an advanced drivers course and flew through it. My instructor is a police instructor and was absolutely excellent. I am a good, conscientious driver. I'm aware of my surroundings, I don't hold up progress on roads. I also drive a small car that would be seen a bit as a "woman's car." I'm a small woman and while driving, viewed from another car I look younger than I am. My DS's car seat is ERF so it and he is very visible. It's pretty obvious that I'm a woman and the mother of a small child.

And OMG do I get seriously bullied by some men on the road. Drivers, driving right up my exhaust pipe. Overtaken on motorways even when I'm driving at the speed limit maintaining a safe distance from the car in front. Then the overtaker squeezes in, in front of me and immediately hits the brakes because they have realised that they are speeding/about to hit the car in front. I take a regular right hand turn off a national road and at least a third of the time, in spite of indicating in good time, I have cars try to over take me on the right. Then get aggressive with me. I regularly have drivers shout at me, gesture at me, flash me, etc. I once had a seriously aggressive man drive up behind me on a residential road and flash his fog lights into my rear view mirror to try and dazzle me, which was absolutely terrifying for me and DS.

This isn't a constant thing. Most people are good, conscientious drivers who are courteous on the road. But it does happen enough to be a kind of low level unpleasantness that I've just come to expect as part and parcel of driving.

Recently I bought a camper van. It's a converted biggish Ford Transit van. It's white. From the back and sides it looks like a white van. I've only driven it a few times and tbvh, I'm not fantastic at driving it just yet as it's very, very different from my car. It accelerates slower (and even when I improve at driving with it, it still will.) I have to brake differently as the momentum is much heavier. Going up and down hills in it is a completely different ball game and I haven't gotten to grips with it yet which means I lose speed partway up and end up braking all the way down. I'm not bad or a danger while driving it, but I certainly am annoying. I know I'd be a bit exasperated if I was driving behind me.

And fucking no-one tries to bully me. Nobody drives aggressively behind me. Nobody overtakes me and plays silly buggers in front of me. Nobody drives up my ass and tries to bully me into the hard shoulder. It just doesn't happen. I'm not as good a driver in it but I get a lot more respect. And why? Well I can only assume it's because they can't see me very well (or at all from behind) and are assuming that I'm a tradesman or a 'man with a van.' They certainly aren't guessing that I'm a 'vulnerable little woman.'

Like I said, I've only driven it a few times but the difference is utterly stark. The first time I was driving it and it wasn't accelerating quickly enough, I started to feel a little tense, waiting for the aggressive behaviour I experienced as a learner. But it never came. It's very freeing to drive as 'a man' and experience this other world of just being left alone to do what you are doing.

Boy racer cars & woman's cars don't exist surely?
I drive a big car & a small car as I own two cars and I have never been bullied whilst driving either. I've owned sports cars and 4x4's and I've yet to come across anything like what the op is talking about.
Women can be just as impatient as men and they can drive like arseholes too.

I drive a smart Car and I think it’s a bug car small car thing. Lots if cars try to bully me off the road and it’s very annoying.

I definitely think this is a small car or your driving thing. I'm an aggressive driver, always have been. I once had a silvery Astra (90s model so pretty small) and oh my God people didn't see that damn car. The number of times that I would be going round a roundabout in it and someone would pull out, people just didn't see it. At the time I was typical early twenties blond. I complained bitterly to my dad more than once about it and he thought it was nonsense, and eventually gave him that car. What a shock then when he experienced the same thing (!) and he is very obviously a large, well built 6' 5'' man.

What did you mean by turning right off and have people overtaking you? That sounds like you're not positioning yourself right or you're not anticipating the junction in time.

I have driven all sorts of vehicles and yes the difference is stark.

The most 'non-bullying' I got was when I had a bright blue Nissan Navara, double cab truck. Not one 'driving right up the arse' experience in that and very rarely any overtaking.

The difference between that and my Fiat 500; stark.

It's definitely a small car thing. I drove one for a while and didn't enjoy it for that reason, but I made my presence felt in it and was not to be fkuced with.

Also, people's own perceptions of their driving are often wrong. Someone I know (female as it happens) thinks she's a great driver, but in fact she seriously overthinks everything, doesn't drive instinctively and has had a number of little dings as a result. You mightn't be as great a driver as you think you are.

In saying that, an agressive twat is an aggressive twat, and such people do exist.

@KatieMarieJ I was warned by friends' about the turning right thing outside their old house of a country lane, which was a national speed limit road. They have a variety of cars of different sizes from small to big, they each experienced it in all their cars and no way do they all drive in exactly the same way.

Those cars aggressively overtaking you? One of them used to be me!
I got very frustrated by people crawling along in the outside lane, oblivious to cars behind them wanting to get past.
I used to flash my lights. When they still ignored me, I tailgated and flashed again. Finally, when it was obvious they had no intention of tucking in to the (empty) inside lane, I overtook on the inside - usually accompanied by them making shocked faces and gesticulating at me!
I was a hospital doctor, on emergency call out from home, and I often wondered if the idiots realised they were delaying me getting to the operating theatre or resuscitation room. Now I’m retired, it’s not a matter of life and death any more, but I still find it bloody annoying that people hog the outside lane and block other drivers from overtaking.

I always allow others in a hurry to pass, and I expect the same courtesy in return.

I never really noticed this because I've always driven a "woman's car" (nissan micra) but when members of my family have borrowed the car they've commented on it! So I guess I'm just used to it and I kind of assume if people are driving badly that's just what they do, all the time.

For all the people who are implying that when a woman drives badly, it reflect on all women...

For what it's worth, my heart sinks when I see a woman in a range rover doing the school run as they do tend to be inconsiderate drivers... but the worst driving I've seen tends to be men (often in vans They're the ones who tend to block traffic by stopping on criss cross lines, shoot out in frot of you from slip roads, assume that the green light for them turning right means thay can just barge across the line of traffic rather than waiting for a gap... actual dangerous manouvres. And they're always shaking their heads as if it's everyone else's fault!

Female, pass my test at 18, now 53 never felt bullied and I'm on the road a lot.

If anything I find its the opposite.

I used to drive a tiny pink car with headlight eyelashes I've got long curly hair, and it's possibly the most stereotypical car one could have! I was an absolutely abysmal driver when I first got the car. I don't know how I passed the test. I think if I was a man, or less "girly", men would have been more pissed off at some of my blunders on the road, but the experiences I had most of them thought it was cute, if that makes sense - a "oh, poor dear has got her self in a pickle!" sort of thing! A very kindly gentleman once helped me park when I absolutely couldn't do it for some reason And he was very sexist but also very helpful!

You'll all be glad to know I am now much better at it!

Well I can only assume it's because they can't see me very well (or at all from behind) and are assuming that I'm a tradesman or a 'man with a van.'

Alternatively, they can't see past you, so no longer know that you are driving poorly because they assume there is a car in front.

There are a certain number of dickheads on the road (and more of them are men). Everyone experiences them, whatever their genitalia; but if you are getting people taking risks to pass you every day then the common factor might be you.

It's a small/ big car thing and also a driving at the speed limit thing. The latter particularly on 30 and 50mph roads, where people will even flash you and drive up your backside when you're doing dead on 30/ 50 (as in, actuall speed - not speedo-speed, which always shows higher).

Don't take it to heart too much - move out of the way of the idiots if you can and remain stubbornly concentrating on what you are doing if you can't. If they hit you in the back they'll be worse off.

*actual

I often come across inconsiderate and/or aggressive drivers, male and female, but I do agree with OP that there is an extra level of aggression from men. They especially hate being overtaken (safely) by a woman.

I don't take any shit anymore, beep my horn, give them the finger, roll down my window and shout back.

Life's too short not give knobheads short shrift.

Overtaken on motorways even when I'm driving at the speed limit maintaining a safe distance from the car in front.

I hope you mean you're in the inside lane? Doing the speed limit in middle or outside lane is very inconsiderate.

I have totally different experiences driving a small car v big car. I don't know if it's because they expect a woman to drive a small car or it's just smaller. My DH wait a he find other drivers more aggressive when he borrowsxmy car.

I have been in a situation where another driver was abusive and threatening to me due to a mistake made by a third party who was male but the person obviously felt safer threatening to rape and murder me than asking the other man to pull forward a few inches.

I also think it's a big car, small car thing. I've just bought my first car - a little city thing. My husband has always driven big 'manly' cars - he does a lot of motorway driving for work & we need a lot of space for extended family. He's been driving my car to work when he can & has been shocked by how bullied he feels. Not being let in, having cars cut across him etc. Things he hasn't experienced in 20 years of driving and still doesn't in his own car

I've definitely experienced this, and my instructor was an ex-police emergency response driver so I'm taught to be quick and decisive with good observational skills.

It shows its a female thing because both me and DH experience aggressive behaviour driving my little girly car, but when the blokes see my DH driving it their jaws drop and they make apologetic hand signals in case he gets out .

Round here its usually high performance cars who don't want to sit behind me doing the speed limit.

I hope you mean you're in the inside lane? Doing the speed limit in middle or outside lane is very inconsiderate.

Actually that's fine if its congested and nowhere to pull back in to the left hand lane. I do a shit ton of motorway driving at the weekend, and the majority of problems and accidents I see are in the right hand lane where people are driving right up each others' backsides at 90+mph, despite the middle lane being completely empty

If OP is doing the speed limit then it can't even that congested!

I haven't seen motorway accidents thankfully. fireballed cars in hard shoulder yes

Most middle lane hoggers in my experience are men. But most agressive drivers, or those massively exceeding the speed limit are also men. I’ve noticed far less annoying women drivers in general.

I drive a less typically female car and don’t find much difference compared to my husband, I’m better at anticipating other driver’s behaviour than him so he perceives aggression more. But saying it’s not a male female but small v big car is the same thing. Of course women get more shit, even if it’s just a perception the car is driven by a women. Men are gonna be far more comfortable giving out to a woman than risking being punched by another man. In my experience women can also be more judgemental of other women, not necessarily driving related. My husband wouldn’t get half the bother I have received for the same reason as men and women are less judgey about men in general. Suggesting the OP is probably at fault is blatent victim blaming. It is possible but she has provided evidence to the contrary and how different her experience was in a van.

I've never experienced this, and I've been driving for many years in cars of all sizes. I've never felt bullied or intimidated, not even as a new driver in a Mini Metro. I go at sensible speeds and consider those around me, which obviously helps.

I'm donning my tin hat here but I think some women in large 4x4 cars do struggle with spacial perception and distances. If there are parked cars, they seem far less likely to pull in to let others come through in single file - fear of pulling into a tight spot or just don't "read the road" to see the other car waiting impatiently?

Women in more manageable sized cars - fine.