To think women drivers deal with a lot of bullying

[Galwithavan]

I'm a pretty good driver, I'm not going to say I'm perfect because nobody is but I took an advanced drivers course and flew through it. My instructor is a police instructor and was absolutely excellent. I am a good, conscientious driver. I'm aware of my surroundings, I don't hold up progress on roads. I also drive a small car that would be seen a bit as a "woman's car." I'm a small woman and while driving, viewed from another car I look younger than I am. My DS's car seat is ERF so it and he is very visible. It's pretty obvious that I'm a woman and the mother of a small child.

And OMG do I get seriously bullied by some men on the road. Drivers, driving right up my exhaust pipe. Overtaken on motorways even when I'm driving at the speed limit maintaining a safe distance from the car in front. Then the overtaker squeezes in, in front of me and immediately hits the brakes because they have realised that they are speeding/about to hit the car in front. I take a regular right hand turn off a national road and at least a third of the time, in spite of indicating in good time, I have cars try to over take me on the right. Then get aggressive with me. I regularly have drivers shout at me, gesture at me, flash me, etc. I once had a seriously aggressive man drive up behind me on a residential road and flash his fog lights into my rear view mirror to try and dazzle me, which was absolutely terrifying for me and DS.

This isn't a constant thing. Most people are good, conscientious drivers who are courteous on the road. But it does happen enough to be a kind of low level unpleasantness that I've just come to expect as part and parcel of driving.

Recently I bought a camper van. It's a converted biggish Ford Transit van. It's white. From the back and sides it looks like a white van. I've only driven it a few times and tbvh, I'm not fantastic at driving it just yet as it's very, very different from my car. It accelerates slower (and even when I improve at driving with it, it still will.) I have to brake differently as the momentum is much heavier. Going up and down hills in it is a completely different ball game and I haven't gotten to grips with it yet which means I lose speed partway up and end up braking all the way down. I'm not bad or a danger while driving it, but I certainly am annoying. I know I'd be a bit exasperated if I was driving behind me.

And fucking no-one tries to bully me. Nobody drives aggressively behind me. Nobody overtakes me and plays silly buggers in front of me. Nobody drives up my ass and tries to bully me into the hard shoulder. It just doesn't happen. I'm not as good a driver in it but I get a lot more respect. And why? Well I can only assume it's because they can't see me very well (or at all from behind) and are assuming that I'm a tradesman or a 'man with a van.' They certainly aren't guessing that I'm a 'vulnerable little woman.'

Like I said, I've only driven it a few times but the difference is utterly stark. The first time I was driving it and it wasn't accelerating quickly enough, I started to feel a little tense, waiting for the aggressive behaviour I experienced as a learner. But it never came. It's very freeing to drive as 'a man' and experience this other world of just being left alone to do what you are doing.

I'm donning my tin hat here but I think some women in large 4x4 cars do struggle with spacial perception and distances. If there are parked cars, they seem far less likely to pull in to let others come through in single file - fear of pulling into a tight spot or just don't "read the road" to see the other car waiting impatiently?

Don your tin hat indeed.

Who the fuck do you think you are?

Some women are perfectly fine, and having driven large plant on construction sites, I dealt with this day in day out and weirdly, it was never me that had an accident.

It's the same as:

Man is bad at something means that man is bad at something
Woman is bad at something means all women are bad at that thing.

So fuck right off with your bullshit sexist fuckwittage.

I agree OP and I'm a police response driver with extra training in pursuit. I could drive rings around these knob heads if I wanted to, I tend to just let them get on with driving right up people's arses and bullying people off the road if it makes their fragile masculinity feel better.

W0rriedmum replace the word 'women' with the word 'black people'
You're on the wrong side of history hun, toddle on back to the 1970's won't you.

I can only speak for myself and every other woman that has driven me worriedmum but I certainly don't hesitate when pulling into a space to let someone through and I drive a huge car. I am confident when driving through small gaps as I can judge the space well. If it's too small I will wait and let other drivers through.

There are actually statistically significant differences in spatial abilities between men and women though so it's not at all unreasonable to suggest some women might be worse than men at some skill. As I remember the differences are fairly small compared to natural variation. There are definitely lots of people in big 4x4's who can't manoeuvre them properly. (I would struggle in one but then I'd never buy one).

I definitely never experience any bullying while driving. I usually can't see whether the occupants of other cars are male or female anyway.

I've not experienced bullying when driving. I sometimes drive a big car, sometimes small. Some drivers drive up your arse but they do that to everyone. I see as many shit women drivers as men.

Are you sure you're as good a driver as you think you are OP?

I'm in a similar set up (small 'womens' car, wtf seat and look young). I have never had this problem do I suspect you aren't the good driver you think and just piss people off a lot.

Definitely a small car thing. I've just swapped a big, battered estate of the variety often driven by trades for a cute, pale green super mini. Suddenly I'm the target for lots of tailgating, overtaking, refusal to give way and cutting up that I never experienced before.

What I tend to have (smaller car, baby on board sign with character sunshades so obvious 'woman driver'), is people assuming I can't do the national speed limit when leaving a 30 zone. I had it yesterday, went through a 30 village at bang on 30 the whole way through. The car behind me was up my butt and sure enough the second the sign changed to national speed limit I hadn't even a chance to put my foot down before Mr Pimp-My-Hatchback revved past, followed swiftly by another one who both raced off like the midlands answer to the fast and the furious. Absolutely boils my piss, people just see lady driver obeying the law and think I'm going to pooter along like that for the whole journey!! angry

I would probably overtake you in that scenario, especially if, as so often the case with people who would probably claim to be doing 30mph through the 30 limit, you were in fact doing 25-28mph and slowing down a lot for corners etc. That, coupled with the fact that it's a small car (likely to have slower acceleration/less lower on hills etc) and you obviously have young kids on board (likely to be distracted, probably extra cautious) would mean that I'd rather be in front of you than stuck behind you. The circumstances you've described are ideal for an overtake. If you're overtaken safely and without inconveniencing you, why on earth does it "boil your piss"? It never bothers me if someone overtakes me, as long as they do so safely and most importantly, they don't hold me up once they're in front of me.

What the fuck is it with MN today and people getting shirty that people might want to go faster than them? Why do people hate being overtaken so much?

I used to drive a very small car, except I had the brabus version and could piss all over dickheads trying to intimidate me by revving at the lights, that car had no fucking suspension and the turning circle of a tank but jesus it could move. I definitely experienced small car bullying though, could compare it directly because we also owned a van (transit-ish size) and people would treat me very differently when I was in the van compared to the car. Both were sort of niche vehicles, I guess, and I did used to get some surprised looks when it was me heading towards the van in a car park, mostly I think just because it was the van, but some men would comment on the brabus and ask about it.

I now drive a 'premium hatchback' volvo and am mostly left alone.

As a biker I don’t think it matters whether your Male, female, young or old... a good portion all drive like arse holes 😎. It’s best to treat you all with contempt unless proven otherwise!

Not sure about this. The most frequat irritant for me are the idiots who want to go 95+ in the fast lane and barge out of the way the vast majority who are going 80-85. They tailgate whoever comes up, and dont think ooo that’s a man in a 4x4, I’ll pootle along until they decide to pull in.

@Typhers, I'm a biker too. My summer gear is very 'girly' (fluor pink stripes, not my preference but it was a so reduced that I could afford better pads) while my winter stuff is unisex (dull colours, baggy to the point of androgyny). I don't find I get treated differently whether I'm wearing one or the other, there are just some jerks who'll see a smaller vehicle and force a right of way when they don't have it.

Even more interestingly, it doesn't seem like the driver being male or female makes a difference, with some exceptions (there have to be decent individuals in every group), a 4x4 is more likely to attempt bullying than a small city car. I imagine this is because the sort of driver that wants to bully will gravitate towards the former vehicles.

@pyramidbutterflyfish it's not your job to police people's speed on the roads (assuming you're not a police officer) and, in both cases, those people are breaking the speed limit. If you have a clear lane to your left (assuming you're in the UK) you are required to move over, no matter how satisfying it might be to impede the progress of the person behind you.

Well I do get fed up at pootling. Whether it's a man or woman driving. I want to get where I'm going. But I wouldn't drive a little car as some of them crumple like a bean tin if hit. I don't think ' oh, there's someone with a really economical car' - I think 'well they'll be mincemeat if someone drives into them'.

George: I'd love a bigger car, but the roads here are often so narrow and parked up in both sides, too, so it makes sense to have a smaller car, unfortunately. This ensures I'm able to park almost anywhere I need to. That being said, I'd go no smaller than medium size hatchback with a powerful engine. It's important to be able to quickly accelerate from the way of danger.

Agree with the small car thing. DH and I had a tiny Kia and a boat of a mondeo and both noticed we'd be cut up, dangerously ovetaken and have lights flashed when driving the Kia. Never happened in the Mondeo.

Gronky, I’m talking about a situation where all the lanes are fairly busy so there’s no point me (or anyone) pulling in to middle, because we’d be pulling straight out again. In fact, whilst I think people trying to drive at 95 on a busy motorway are tools, I have no problem pulling in and letting them pass. It’s just the ones who barge along the fast lane coming aggressively (and dangerously) fast behind everyone in the outside lane that grind my gears.