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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think women drivers deal with a lot of bullying

93 replies

Galwithavan · 15/07/2018 11:48

I'm a pretty good driver, I'm not going to say I'm perfect because nobody is but I took an advanced drivers course and flew through it. My instructor is a police instructor and was absolutely excellent. I am a good, conscientious driver. I'm aware of my surroundings, I don't hold up progress on roads. I also drive a small car that would be seen a bit as a "woman's car." I'm a small woman and while driving, viewed from another car I look younger than I am. My DS's car seat is ERF so it and he is very visible. It's pretty obvious that I'm a woman and the mother of a small child.

And OMG do I get seriously bullied by some men on the road. Drivers, driving right up my exhaust pipe. Overtaken on motorways even when I'm driving at the speed limit maintaining a safe distance from the car in front. Then the overtaker squeezes in, in front of me and immediately hits the brakes because they have realised that they are speeding/about to hit the car in front. I take a regular right hand turn off a national road and at least a third of the time, in spite of indicating in good time, I have cars try to over take me on the right. Then get aggressive with me. I regularly have drivers shout at me, gesture at me, flash me, etc. I once had a seriously aggressive man drive up behind me on a residential road and flash his fog lights into my rear view mirror to try and dazzle me, which was absolutely terrifying for me and DS.

This isn't a constant thing. Most people are good, conscientious drivers who are courteous on the road. But it does happen enough to be a kind of low level unpleasantness that I've just come to expect as part and parcel of driving.

Recently I bought a camper van. It's a converted biggish Ford Transit van. It's white. From the back and sides it looks like a white van. I've only driven it a few times and tbvh, I'm not fantastic at driving it just yet as it's very, very different from my car. It accelerates slower (and even when I improve at driving with it, it still will.) I have to brake differently as the momentum is much heavier. Going up and down hills in it is a completely different ball game and I haven't gotten to grips with it yet which means I lose speed partway up and end up braking all the way down. I'm not bad or a danger while driving it, but I certainly am annoying. I know I'd be a bit exasperated if I was driving behind me.

And fucking no-one tries to bully me. Nobody drives aggressively behind me. Nobody overtakes me and plays silly buggers in front of me. Nobody drives up my ass and tries to bully me into the hard shoulder. It just doesn't happen. I'm not as good a driver in it but I get a lot more respect. And why? Well I can only assume it's because they can't see me very well (or at all from behind) and are assuming that I'm a tradesman or a 'man with a van.' They certainly aren't guessing that I'm a 'vulnerable little woman.'

Like I said, I've only driven it a few times but the difference is utterly stark. The first time I was driving it and it wasn't accelerating quickly enough, I started to feel a little tense, waiting for the aggressive behaviour I experienced as a learner. But it never came. It's very freeing to drive as 'a man' and experience this other world of just being left alone to do what you are doing.

OP posts:
Bluelady · 15/07/2018 12:20

Totally agree and it doesn't happen when I have a male passenger. I was actually contemplating buying a blow up man to sit next to me at one point.

Lockheart · 15/07/2018 12:22

I think it’s true that women are more likely to be bullied on the roads by the kinds of dickheads that wouldn’t pull that kind of stunt with men, but I’ve not really experienced much bullying driving directed at me personally.

I used to drive a pastel coloured fiesta up and down the M27 every day. Even then I can’t say I can think of any incidents of aggressive driving directed at me specifically. Yes people would tailgate, but if I moved over they just tailgated the next car ahead, so it was more of a generalised arseholery rather than “woman in small girly car” specific.

If you’re experiencing these kinds of incidents all the time, either you’re spectacularly unlucky or you might be driving with not quite enough awareness of others on the road?

Tartsamazeballs · 15/07/2018 12:24

I've got an Mazda MX5 and a BMW X3... No difference between how I get treated between the two tbh.

dangermouseisace · 15/07/2018 12:25

You’re right.

My worst incident was when I didn’t let a lorry cut in front of me, to join a lane on my other side, when I was sat at some traffic lights waiting to turn right. Maybe it would have been ‘nice’ of me to do so but he was making a dangerous and unnecessary manoeuvre so that he could try and skip a bit of traffic jam.

He was so angry he got out his cab, opened my drivers door and started effing and blinding and calling me all sorts of names. I thought he was going to thump me. My kids were all in the car as we were going to school (and were late hence the low supply of niceness). I don’t think he would have done that to a bloke.

sockportal · 15/07/2018 12:25

@FASH84 I agree the sticker was ridiculous. I trying to get my husband to understand why I felt uncomfortable driving the sports car. It worked, my husband was a lot more sympathetic and understood why I hated the car. I never drove it with the sticker on.

ceeveebee · 15/07/2018 12:26

I have noticed that I get treated differently depending on the car that I’m driving - 4x4 or fiat500- but DH also notices too, when he’s driving the smaller car he gets cut up at roundabouts etc so think it’s more about the car than the driver

SardinesAreYum · 15/07/2018 12:27

there was an article about this recently with a man who had long hair and bought a car usually driven by women and was really taken aback by the naken aggression he got from some male drivers. I'll try to find it.

thing is that as we are always women we have no point of reference, do we.

Aggressive men may be more aggressive towards us for a variety of reasons like

Less likely to chase them down get out and attack them
More likely to get frightened especially if we have kids in car (power / funny)
Thinking women should get out of their way (pavement / manspreading writ large!)
Probably more

Will try to find article

Amanduh · 15/07/2018 12:28

The only thing I do notice is the driving up right behind your backside, even if shock i’m doing OVER the speed limit. And they are always men.

SardinesAreYum · 15/07/2018 12:29

Nearly - it was about motorbikes but still interesting in relation to this thread - also USA but can't imagine that's too different when it comes to driving

www.roadandtrack.com/car-culture/a28027/when-i-stopped-cutting-my-hair-i-learned-how-men-treat-women-on-american-roads/

MummaMinnie · 15/07/2018 12:31

"That sort of driver gives all women a bad name."

You're joking, right? Hmm I saw a man yesterday making a three point turn in the High Street of my town, mounting the pavement (the whole rear quarter of the car was on the pavement) as he did so and generally held up the traffic in the process. Complete disregard for road users and pedestrians. Should I then assume that he gives all male drivers a bad name?? Of course not!! It just gives that one driver a bad name.

DuckingMel · 15/07/2018 12:32

I've always had short hair, though, so that might be another factor besides my Suzuki!

blacksax · 15/07/2018 12:34

To be honest, I think it is less to do with being a woman, and more to do with the size and make/model of car you are driving.

YouBetterWORK · 15/07/2018 12:34

What I tend to have (smaller car, baby on board sign with character sunshades so obvious 'woman driver'), is people assuming I can't do the national speed limit when leaving a 30 zone. I had it yesterday, went through a 30 village at bang on 30 the whole way through. The car behind me was up my butt and sure enough the second the sign changed to national speed limit I hadn't even a chance to put my foot down before Mr Pimp-My-Hatchback revved past, followed swiftly by another one who both raced off like the midlands answer to the fast and the furious.

Absolutely boils my piss, people just see lady driver obeying the law and think I'm going to pooter along like that for the whole journey!! Angry

Loonoon · 15/07/2018 12:35

I’ve never experienced this despite being a very petite woman driving very small cars for over 30 years.

BlueBug45 · 15/07/2018 12:50

@YouBetterWORK smaller cars normally take longer to accelerate to higher speeds. Hence if I'm driving a smaller car I expect people to overtake me in such circumstances.

However what I don't expect is men - and it is always men - to overtake me and then pull in immediately in front nearly ramming me off the road. This has never happened in larger cars.

Eliza9917 · 15/07/2018 12:50

I've currently got a 3 door fiesta and no one bullies me on the road.

I agree with PP's who suggest your driving might not be what you think it is.

Severide08 · 15/07/2018 12:54

I drive a lot of miles for work and drive a big car and to be honest I don't get this .I am very confident though because I do spend a lot of time in the car and won't let anyone bully me but that is just me .

Sirzy · 15/07/2018 12:56

Nope can’t say I have ever felt that I have been bullied on the road because I am a woman.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/07/2018 12:59

I think it has a lot to do with the car you drive too.

I used to drive a small car and was bullied by mostly men but now I drive a LR discovery I rarely get them driving very close behind or generally being a dick.

HopefullyAnonymous · 15/07/2018 13:00

Some of what you describe is just idiots being idiots, happens to us all. I’m another one who thinks some of it is the way you drive though. Not excusing it, but a lot of that behaviour sounds like frustration at being stuck behind you, especially if it’s as regular as you say.

Sirzy · 15/07/2018 13:00

I don’t know greatduck. I encounter much more dickish driving when I was driving my partners Audi for a few days than I do when in my corsa!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/07/2018 13:02

Hmm that could have been because it was an Audi you were driving Sirzy Grin

SantaClauseMightWork · 15/07/2018 13:04

Cluedoaddict
Are you one of those arsehole drivers? Some women drivers? Some arrogance you got there!

SantaClauseMightWork · 15/07/2018 13:07

He was so angry he got out his cab, opened my drivers door and started effing and blinding and calling me all sorts of names
You should have called police.

AornisHades · 15/07/2018 13:08

I think it's a big car v small car thing too.
I normally drive a big or mid size car and don't routinely have issues. I had a Ka as a courtesy car and felt far more intimidated.