Baby not sleeping husband stropping

[confusedmummy90]

So it's gone 9 my little boy co sleeps and still boobs to sleep every night still won't self settle no matter what I have tried he's 10months DH has had a complete hissy fit as he's still awake and says he wants adult time and that he's almost a year this is ridiculous 🙄I can see what he's saying but I just think my ds won't be like this for ever Aibu to just tell him to get a grip

I was in the same position til a few weeks ago (without the grumpy husband). I was feeling so bad from lack of sleep we got a sleep trainer in who did a plan for us - basically a padded out version of the disappearing chair method. My husband did the first three nights (she said this was best to really break the feed to sleep habit) and I did the next few and now we alternate. There was a lot of crying though we were there with the baby, it was still stressful. So you could try this. But you really both need to be on the same page. I was ready to do it as I could no longer cope with lack of sleep but even I miss the nightime cuddles and worry that she feels unloved in the night! You really need his support with the he actual training as well both emotionally and practically. So only do it if you are both fully committed to it. Ive found it odd having time in the evenings again but am getting carried away with doing chores ive not had time for for months!Good luck.

Urubu I should think I'll manage exactly the same as I did with DS1 who started to go to bed earlier once he started school. He was exactly the same as DS2, up till about 4, slept 9 till 7. He's 15 now and has never been late for school. DS2 sleeps 9-7am. Neither have ever made me late for work.
I would rather take DS2 up for bed when I know he will go to sleep rather than spending a couple of hours sitting in the dark with him. I'm also happy to wake at 7am and no earlier. My sister has 3 DC and they all go to bed at 7 but are always up at 5am.

Our routine works for us. The OP's problem is it isn't working for them both.

10 months old and not sleeping well sounds perfectly reasonable my DS was 4 before we got a full nights sleep and 3 before we got away from 2 hour bed times and we tried everything. But for the love of god stop using the term boobing. You are feeding your baby. The verb boobing sound like a specialist category on a porn website.

Is he your DH son? Only you say "my little boy".

Oh dry up. Gets right on my tit ends when people have nothing else to say thank pick apart wording and EVERYONE knows what boob to sleep means. Grow up!

OP the first year is recovering after the bomb that is a new baby. Your bloke is offering to take over bedtime. Let him do it and just wait until he gives up. This doesn't last forever, all mine fed to sleep for a while. They all went in their own beds eventually. Ask him what he suggests to get his adult time, he's obviously craving your attention. That's when the being touched out thing comes in and he finds something else to twist about.

I had a bottle refusing baby and I would have smacked people in the face who smugly told me I needed to get more of a routine/sleep train my DS at 10 months. Just so smug and unhelpful. I know some babies just don’t like being in their cot/ doing things by the book

You wouldn't though, would you? Smack people in the face I mean, you like to, and you'd enjoy thinking about it, but you wouldn't actually be going round smacking people in the face for suggesting sleep training.

I had a bottle refuser too, it was tit or nowt. And a shit sleeper. And a cot refuser. Why do you think people suggesting sleep training is smug though?

Being breastfed for food is one thing but allowing DC to treat the boob as a comfort thing is not always the best thing. In these cases I wonder if the mother needs this more than the baby. OP your baby is old enough to be in a regular routine of feed and put in their own cot/room. You can always bring baby into bed with you in the night if they need a feed. The time your partner needs is very important too. Don't be mad at him for feeling neglected.
Most importantly don't wait until God forbid it becomes a regret when you find out he is looking elsewhere for the adult time.

If that happened Nutty the OP is better off without him. I could not be with a man so selfish. That they wouldn't support their wife with a child that they created together.
Just throw a tantrum then have an affair
I was so sick when I was pregnant that I spent almost the full 9 months in bed, there was no sex, no real adult time, just lots of sick. DP was nothing but supportive.
If the OP's DH can't handle not being the main attraction for such a short amount of time he's a pretty poor partner and father.

What does this mean when people say breastfeeding is more for the mother? Like I genuinely don't understand? What is it you think the mother is doing it for?

Most importantly don't wait until God forbid it becomes a regret when you find out he is looking elsewhere for the adult time.

Yeah, it's her fault, looking after the bloody baby, when she should be fixing his whisky and warming his slippers. If he's that much of a dick that he can't understand that the baby comes first then she's well shut of him.

If my husband went shagging whilst I was looking after his son I'd be glad to be rid of the self centred cunt. Honestly, the shit some women will accept.

Charming.

Everyone is going to have different attitudes. For me sleep training was unacceptable. We did used to get my little boy to sleep in the evenings and then try have some time together. As he got older we got more and more of our evenings back. We stuck to a very simple bedtime routine and established a nice early bedtime which is heaven.

It sounds like you husband is missing some alone time with you. I do believe it’s important to work at a marriage. It’s also important to put a baby’s needs first if needed. 10 months is still most definitely a baby. So it’s working out how you can enjoy time together and help your baby have a stress free nighttime.

In these cases I wonder if the mother needs this more than the baby

Should have done a bingo card

In these cases I wonder if the mother needs this more than the baby

Missed that gem what a complete load of bollocks you're talking.

Jesus the amount of dicks criticising a woman for using her preferred terminology for breast feeding. Just don't comment rather then shaming someone for their language choices.

I think by 10 months though don’t you want some adult time in the evening.

gamerchick - exactly!

betty - no I probably wouldn’t have smacked anyone. Probably. Although I was quite tired Smug isn’t necessarily suggesting sleep training (although its not exactly a niche suggestion, I’m sure op has heard of it and has her own attitude to it), more the “well my child was in her own room sleeping 12 hours a night from 8 weeks because really by that time they should be in a routine and comforting them isnt necessary” type bollocks

well my child was in her own room sleeping 12 hours a night from 8 weeks because really by that time they should be in a routine and comforting them isnt necessary” type bollocks

Well that's fair, I'd probably have thought about smacking them too

Biologically children are not supposed to sleep through til 3 to 5 years? Source please!! Really????

My 2 yo dgd still wakes up several times a night. Her dad sleeps on the sofa, or sometimes on her bedroom floor to give ddil some sleep.

Fair enough @Coconut0il
My DT need a good 11-12h sleep (at 4yo!) but if yours need less and early evening means not too early mornings then I get it.

Urubu DS1 seemed to need more once he started school nursery and I'm hoping DS2 will be the same, he starts in September. I'd love more of an evening but I'm definitely not an early morning person

Can't believe the amount of people saying her dh is right! So she should give up breastfeeding, the baby STILL might not sleep, and then the poor kid has to basically be left to cry it out just so that her ADULT dh can have his wife downstairs for quality time? Right.. Sorry but in the grand scheme of things, they're only little for such a short amount of time. You can schedule some quality time any time, day or night.

Hi OP! I'm just down from boobing my 9 mo to sleep

Your DH IBU for having a strop. If he really doesn't like it, let him try some gentle sleep training. The boredom of shush-patting will either make him hand your DC straight back to you or you'll have a better sleeping baby. FWIW I "boobed" DC1 to sleep until age 11 months when they got fed up of it.

(And no, IANBU for turning boob into a verb!)

Can't believe the amount of people saying her dh is right! So she should give up breastfeeding, the baby STILL might not sleep, and then the poor kid has to basically be left to cry it out just so that her ADULT dh can have his wife downstairs for quality time?

The DH hasn't said those things. He didn't say she had to stop breastfeeding or use cry it out. He said their child is almost a year old and he'd like some adult time with her. Why are so many people extrapolating that that means weaning and sleep training?

I think he has a point, and I specifically said that at that age and for much longer, I still fed mine to sleep at night but that he went down in his cot, and I'd never done a jot of sleep training. There are plenty of no- or minimal-crying approaches the OP, her DH or both together could try so that she can feed baby to sleep, even still in her bed, but then leave him for a few hours to spend some time with her DH. I mean, doesn't she miss their time too? Virtually everybody said the DH is U to strop about it, but he's raising a legitimate issue - how many years is he meant to go without getting any time with just his wife? Because it could be several.