WIBU to offer this to dh's niece?

[Alicezander]

My husband was the only one in his family to go to university - his parents didn't go, though both would probably have been clever enough to go had it been financially/socially possible at the time, and his brother and sister didn't go. His sister has one daughter, our niece, who was never very academic, and left school shortly after GCSEs and had two children in her early 20s.

We don't see my husband's sister or his niece or great nieces very often, but we hear through my MIL that both dh's great-nieces (who are now in year 4 and year 6) are doing really well in school.

One of our daughters is currently at The university and we were wondering whether it would be a good idea to offer for her to take dh's two great nieces on a tour of the university in October/November, so that they can get an idea of what university means and what it's like. Nobody in their immediate family (parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents) has gone to university, so I suppose it might show them a world they might not previously have considered.

Do you think it would be ok to offer this idea of a day out for her children to dh's niece? We don't want to appear at all rude, or like we're suggesting that she can't help her children aim high by herself.

For background I'm the only person in my family ever to go to University. That doesn't mean my siblings and cousins have raised children with no aspirations and they need me to show them the gateway to the promised land.

I wouldn't offer a tour of the university as it might come across as patronising and a one off tour is unlikely to be life changing. What you could do though is try and get to know the family better. Send gifts on birthdays have days out etc. Your post seems to imply that the girls don't have many academic family members so if you want to widen their horizons getting to know you guys will be more beneficial than a one-off trip which would probably not be too interesting to girls so young.

Could you present it as taking them to visit DD and see where she lives? Then you could do the showing-round and she could talk quite naturally about what she's doing without it seeming forced or patronising.

How terribly, terribly naice of you to try to educate the poor little ignorant youngsters and show them the path to enlightenment via what is bound to be an incredibly boring day visiting a pile of buildings with classrooms . I'm sure they'll be eternally grateful.

^BIL is an English teacher, and throughout out dc's childhood he and SIL would always buy the dc's books like Narnia, Alice in Wonderland, Black Beauty, The Secret Garden, you know the sort of thing.
We always felt rather patronised by it, tbh, If she'd suggested she took our dc's round a university as well, we'd have been mightily offended.^

What an extraordinary attitude to take.

@Racecardriver I don't appreciate opera because it's not my cup of tea (and I think it sounds terrible). I still went to university (at 24), and am still paying off a hefty student loan because it suited my career. Im very working class (pretty ambivalent about it). I think it's a bit daft people still think university isn't an option for everyone these days when most of the leaving school population take up the opportunity, and vocational numbers are decreasing. Children don't live under an educational rock nor class system these days and basically anyone who gets the grades can access higher education regardless of financial circumstances.

Okay then, cool. Just leave them to it and don't take an interest in case it comes across as patronising. Because obviously that is the most important thing and fuck the whole idea of broadening these children's horizons (who let's face it probably are NOT going to be encouraged to pursue higher education by their mum). But at least you won't have been patronising.

The phlilistines are out in force tonight.

I think it’s a great idea OP. When I was about 6ish we went to Oxford to pic up my father’s MSt. It was a beautiful, hot July day and all the wisteria was out. I fell in love with it then and decided to go. Even though I wasn’t 100% sure what a university was.

Early experiences can be so powerful.

BIL is an English teacher, and throughout out dc's childhood he and SIL would always buy the dc's books like Narnia, Alice in Wonderland, Black Beauty, The Secret Garden, you know the sort of thing.
We always felt rather patronised by it, tbh, If she'd suggested she took our dc's round a university as well, we'd have been mightily offended

How odd. What did you expect them to buy, Fifty Shades?
A member of my family is head of an English department and always buys books for the DCs. It's her absolute passion and it gives her great pleasure to share it. I love it! I'm incredibly well read and a massive book worm, my children are shaping up to be the same and I fully believe that's in part thanks to being surrounded by a book-loving family. To find it patronising would be to say far more about one's own perceived inadequacies than any intent behind the gift.

when most of the leaving school population take up the opportunity

No, it's 49% of school leavers actually. And you can bet your bottom dollar that nearly all of the 51% who don't go come from state schools rather than private or selective schools, where the rate is often around 95%. Additionally, not having a parent who went to uni will also increase the likelihood of being in the 51% who do not go on to higher education.

The phlilistines are out in force tonight

Swiftly followed by the rather mean-spirited name callers.

Yes my godmother was an English teacher and every birthday she would send me a book. I still have most of them. My favourite was a poetry book for children of different ages. It introduced me to so many poets - Edward Thomas - ‘Oh I remember Adlestrop’, Wilfred Owen, Hardy, Keats, Shelley etc.

My husband was the only one in his family to go to university - his parents didn't go, though both would probably have been clever enough to go had it been financially/socially possible at the time, and his brother and sister didn't go. His sister has one daughter, our niece, who was never very academic, and left school shortly after GCSEs and had two children in her early 20s.

You don't actually have to be academic to go to uni. Its open to everyone.

So what if your niece had two kids in her twenties and left school when she did.

If you want to give the kids a day out then take them to a theme park but for gods sake don't try and make out they have no future without you. It is patronising.

Seriously what do people think it'll accomplish trailing a child around a university campus? They won't be able to access a lecture room whilst a class is in session. They won't be allowed to trail them into a library without a key card/even if they can it'll look far less interesting than a normal one with a kids section. What mind blowing opportunity will they view? The car park?

There's no point at all when the kids are so young!
Plus you have very low contact anyway, it would be the absolute rudest and most ignorant thing to push on them.
I'd be fuming.

Swiftly followed by the rather mean-spirited name callers

Or rather the victim-playing whiners.

I think it's a lovely idea. Both of mine (5 & 8) have been to an arts university where I work and my 8 year old has been to several G&T programmes at another one. They both loved it, my 8 year old especially. It's like peeping into another world.

Does the university your daughter attends offer summer events for kids? Places like Center of the Cell do some amazing engagement work www.centreofthecell.org/ and it might come across less patronising?

Adding another- Imperial's Festival of Science which was in April, but will come around next year: www3.imperial.ac.uk/newsandeventspggrp/imperialcollege/eventssummary/event_17-8-2017-12-52-36

Maybe take the niece, rather than the great nieces. She could go to uni while they are still young, there is support out there. If she needed to, she could do an Access course, then do a degree, which would benefit her and her DCs!

Our local uni does a family open day . I took my Ds year 4 . That might be a better option

If OP's partner is studying maths or English it'd be far better to offer additional study support vs dragging them around a building that might as well be a cathedral.

Or rather the victim-playing whiners

Who on earth are you directing this awful comment at?

There is no need to derail a perfectly civilised thread. Please let people give their opinions and cite their own experiences without making personal insults.

And where exactly is 'The university'? And is the relative a dick to be frowned upon because she left school after gcses and had kids in her 20's? For all we know they're on a far higher income than OP's partner paying off his high student loans.

OP, we have lots of open days at our university. There are programmes for schools, home educators, etc. to visit and talk to students as well as tour laboratories and so on.

Could you maybe find out about some similar programmes that they might get involved with?