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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Livid but don’t want hassle

107 replies

Finallyfeelstrong · 14/07/2018 20:36

I got married three weeks ago and my firstborn time but his second marriage. After a crazy few years where’s ex wife caused problems we found common ground and conduct a working blended family relationship. I grew up in a blended family and hated the arguing and nasty comments and feeling like sides had to be taken.
Sometimes I’ve found it hard as I felt her needs over power things but have just found out she is taking their son, my stepson to a different country for the summer holidays to see family. He has always wanted to go but husband is adamant she won’t take him and has told the son he will only stay in that one place.
I’ve now been informed by stepson and his ex-wife that my honeymoon for two weeks will include his ex-wife for first half as she couldn’t fly alone and husband says she isn’t taking son alone! Then second half the stepson is coming without us then going back to ex’s family to collect ex and all flying home together.
Husband can’t understsnd why I’m not happy and saying I’m ungrsteful. But any time my own children go to their family he can’t wait to bookalone holidays or frequently asks me to send them so we can go away. But his son comes everywhere and I feel resentful that ex had a lavish wedding and party and honeymoon alone, New Home whereas I’ve moved into theirs which but I was ok with as we will move when a bigger deposit in a year but feel this is too much.
He won’t not take son as he states he will spoil him as much as he wants and always wanted to go to this place. But son only says he wants to go places after hearing MeV say them. The second half of trip is a once in a lifetime place and two days after I mentioned it and he suggested it for honeymoon in May son states it’s place he has always wanted to go and I knew my honey moon would include his child even husband honeymoon didn’t include son who was born before there marriage.
Aaaargh

OP posts:
Readyfortheschoolhols · 14/07/2018 20:40

Tbh I couldn't marry such a thoughtless twat.

cees · 14/07/2018 20:40

I am so sorry but I'm lost at your description, I can't make heads nor tails of what you are trying to say.

cees · 14/07/2018 20:41

It could be just me, my head is fried today 😀

wellBeehivedWoman · 14/07/2018 20:41

Sorry but your OP is really hard to follow. Is your DH refusing to let your step son go on holiday with his ex wife but is insisting he comes on your honeymoon?

MimpiDreams · 14/07/2018 20:44

Are you saying your new DH has arranged for his exW and son to come on your honeymoon? Fuck that. That's all kinds of batshit.

AlphaBravo · 14/07/2018 20:45

Paragraphs. Jesus christ.

veggiethrower · 14/07/2018 20:46

Don't understand who is going where and when. Could you explain it a bit more clearly please?
Are you trying to say your husband's ex-wife is going on your honeymoon?

Maelstrop · 14/07/2018 20:49

Put down your foot, big time. No way would I want to fly with his ex! Batshit!

OhCarrieMathison · 14/07/2018 20:50

Sorry also really confused.
It sounds like your step son and DH's ex wife are going to be with you for some of your honeymoon which sounds horrible. I'd refuse to go and take myself off somewhere nice and leave them to it.

NewYearNewMe18 · 14/07/2018 20:51

Eh?

glenthebattleostrich · 14/07/2018 20:51

Ok, I think:

OP just got married.

The planned honeymoon now includes her H's ex for 1 week and their (ex and H's) some for both weeks. Then SS will go on holiday with his mother (ex).

The H won't take her DC on holiday with them, always booking breaks for when they are with others.

OP, if this is the case I wouldn't be going. I'd spend the time finding the best way to get out of the marriage, not least because his child will always come before and be treated better than your children. And no child of mine would be a second class citizen in their home.

Finallyfeelstrong · 14/07/2018 20:52

It’s stupid phone and seems to type later than I press.
Been on a night shift and this sorry if it’s garbled

My honeymoon with husband is now with his ex-wife and my stepson to his ex wife’s families country.

As he says his ex isn’t capable of taking kid alone.

It’s all booked and paid for and I was greeted with this info as though best news ever

OP posts:
Ithinkthatsenough · 14/07/2018 20:53

This sounds nuts
He is marrying for the second time and clearly over it hence not being bothered about honeymoon.
Tell him now you arent happy

Finallyfeelstrong · 14/07/2018 20:55

Stepson will be with us for all two weeks as he wants to visit all places husband was booking. The ex will be with us first week as it’s a dream of hers to see this place and explore. Then she will go to sisters and we will go to final destination with stepson and then fly to ex’s sisters at end of that holiday to spend time with her and then all fly home.

OP posts:
outofmydepth45 · 14/07/2018 20:56

But you are leaving your children at home ?

Blanca87 · 14/07/2018 20:57

Fuck.That.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 14/07/2018 20:57

Ha ha ha, laughing as it's got to be a joke right??? If not then who the fuck does your husband think he is & what fucking planet does he think it's ok to expect his new wife to go on honeymoon with his ex-wife,wtf???
Tbh I wouldn't marry the twat but hey, that's me.
You decide where your standards lie...

outofmydepth45 · 14/07/2018 20:58

Are you his wife and equal or just a new sperm dumping zone you sounds like he hasn't really got out of the idea of his first wife

Smellbellina · 14/07/2018 20:58

Helpful!

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 14/07/2018 20:59

Not a chance. I’d be furious.

Finallyfeelstrong · 14/07/2018 21:01

They are court ordered to spending 4 weeks at father’s due to traveling time for them but I took them away with my older children in May, Easter and half term. We will also spend a week in France camping at eurocsmps! (Daunting as one is severely disabled but thought I would give it a go can pack up and leave if doesn’t work)
So my kids don’t go without holidays
But my honeymoon

OP posts:
beautifulblue · 14/07/2018 21:01

If your children are being left behind, I feel sorry for them. Being pushed out already. Your future husband sounds like a complete dick & I wouldn't marry him, he could go on a second honey moon with his ex 👍🏼

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 14/07/2018 21:02

Yanbu at all! I can definitely see why you aren’t happy, especially seeing as he’s always trying to offload your dcs so that you can have alone holidays. That’s not on, regardless.

I don’t think many people would be all that thrilled with their honeymoon including their new sc and their new husband’s exw. That’s bonkers. I mean, sure, maybe some very easy going people might enjoy that, but you have said you aren’t happy. And why on Earth has he just announced this to you as a fait accompli? How would he feel if you booked for your children to come too?

Finallyfeelstrong · 14/07/2018 21:02

Two late as I did it three weeks ago but at moment I’m in bedroom and taken my ring off!

OP posts:
magoria · 14/07/2018 21:03

More fool you for marrying a man who has already shown you that your DC are second best and he can't wait to do things without them.

That is not new. You have allowed your DC to be treated like this and shown them they are second best to his child why do you expect for him to treat you any different?

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