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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Livid but don’t want hassle

107 replies

Finallyfeelstrong · 14/07/2018 20:36

I got married three weeks ago and my firstborn time but his second marriage. After a crazy few years where’s ex wife caused problems we found common ground and conduct a working blended family relationship. I grew up in a blended family and hated the arguing and nasty comments and feeling like sides had to be taken.
Sometimes I’ve found it hard as I felt her needs over power things but have just found out she is taking their son, my stepson to a different country for the summer holidays to see family. He has always wanted to go but husband is adamant she won’t take him and has told the son he will only stay in that one place.
I’ve now been informed by stepson and his ex-wife that my honeymoon for two weeks will include his ex-wife for first half as she couldn’t fly alone and husband says she isn’t taking son alone! Then second half the stepson is coming without us then going back to ex’s family to collect ex and all flying home together.
Husband can’t understsnd why I’m not happy and saying I’m ungrsteful. But any time my own children go to their family he can’t wait to bookalone holidays or frequently asks me to send them so we can go away. But his son comes everywhere and I feel resentful that ex had a lavish wedding and party and honeymoon alone, New Home whereas I’ve moved into theirs which but I was ok with as we will move when a bigger deposit in a year but feel this is too much.
He won’t not take son as he states he will spoil him as much as he wants and always wanted to go to this place. But son only says he wants to go places after hearing MeV say them. The second half of trip is a once in a lifetime place and two days after I mentioned it and he suggested it for honeymoon in May son states it’s place he has always wanted to go and I knew my honey moon would include his child even husband honeymoon didn’t include son who was born before there marriage.
Aaaargh

OP posts:
Original poster
Finallyfeelstrong · 14/07/2018 21:52

I’ve been looking at annulment

OP posts:
Zoflorabore · 14/07/2018 21:57

Op- please tell me this is a wind up?!

Seriously- what self respecting woman would allow her new husbands ex wife ( plus child ) to go on their honeymoon?

His lack of respect for you is obscene. Were you consulted over these plans at all? Is there a cultural difference at play here?

I do not understand how your husband would ever think this would be ok- under any circumstances. This is like a headline from "Take a Break" or that type of trashy magazine.

Please tell me you've told him to shove the honeymoon up his arse? I would rather not go than go with the ex. She must be laughing her head off.

crimsonlake · 14/07/2018 22:02

Are you in the UK?

KERALA1 · 14/07/2018 22:04

Is he Simon cowell?

itsBritneyBeach · 14/07/2018 22:11

What an absolute bastard. There's no way I'd be allowing this to happen, especially as you say he told you like it was the best news ever.

He clearly couldn't give a fuck about your feelings and needs as he's arranged this without your consent and input.

Hope he gets his act together or you can leave him OPThanks

ChocolateDoll · 14/07/2018 22:16

Is this some sort of cultural warp on normality?

Arum51 · 14/07/2018 22:17

This is so many levels of fuckery, I don't know where to start!

OP, please don't go. Think of your mental health!

anotherfail · 14/07/2018 22:18

I feel really sorry for you. You must feel so upset, disappointed, knocked sideways by this.

Is there any chance any of this can be changed? Maybe son could spend the first week with you, then his Mum flies out to meeto him, leaving you and DH to spend the week together? Maybe if you presented him with an alterntaive arrangement?

But if he isn't prepared to compromise at all then I wouldn't go, because you're just going to have an awful time. And if that was his attitude then I'd spend the 2 weeks he's away to extricated myself from his house and life.

You need to be 100% firm and tell him exactly how you feel. If he still won;t sway from his (bloody ridiculous) plan, then I think you know where you stand.

PositivelyPERF · 14/07/2018 22:23

By any chance, are you financially well off, OP? This set up sounds so wrong. I’m wondering if he’s married you for money or as a stand in, to look after him and his son, rather than for love. No loving husband would do this to their wife.

Move2WY · 14/07/2018 22:23

Literally can’t understand why he thinks you should be happy about goneymooning with his exwife.

Gemini69 · 14/07/2018 22:29

tell him to go alone.... you're done Flowers

cees · 14/07/2018 22:32

Oh my god, no way no hope in hell would this be acceptable for anyone. Tell him to arrange something else because you are not willing to have his ex and a child along on your honeymoon. It's madness.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 14/07/2018 22:34

There are no happy endings for you here. Get out now.

PintOfMineralWater · 14/07/2018 22:41

"tell him to enjoy the holiday with his son and ex-W, and that you guys can book an ACTUAL honeymoon when he gets back. Don't even entertain the idea that he might be serious. No-one on God's green earth would bring their ex-wife on their honeymoon. Don't let him think you are seriously considering the idea!"

This. I can't get over the thought process of someone who thinks it's acceptable in any shape or form to take their ex ON THEIR HONEYMOON. Just, stone cold crazy.

ohfourfoxache · 14/07/2018 22:43

I couldn’t live with a cunt like that

Original poster
Finallyfeelstrong · 14/07/2018 22:46

I’m told to stop acting jealous (as if) and it’s best solution all round

I’m in midst of booking a hotel

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 14/07/2018 22:48

No way would anyone in their right mind agree to that.

Sounds like your DH thinks now a ring is on your finger, you’ll do what you’re told.

Gemini69 · 14/07/2018 22:48

OP you have to evaluate your position in your DH's life... from the outside looking in.. it's pretty low down... this is supposed to be Your Honeymoon FFS... this is truly appalling Lady Flowers

MimpiDreams · 14/07/2018 22:48

You're not acting jealous. No rational person in the entire world would think this acceptable. Nobody.

MortyVicar · 14/07/2018 22:50

Best solution all round my arse. The way he wants things to be, so never mind that it's no solution at all as far as you're concerned.

I think you'd be right to get out asap. It won't be the last time something like this happens - Christmases, birthdays, family holidays, any days really. Sad as it is when you've only been married three weeks, it's time to put a stop to this permanently.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 14/07/2018 23:02

You need to get away from this man.

LovingLola · 14/07/2018 23:07

I’ve been looking at annulment

What grounds have you got for annulment?

StaplesCorner · 14/07/2018 23:11

What on earth has led to all this OP? OK so its not looking like a marriage at all now, what can you do - who owns what house, who lives where, do you work, who controls the money etc. - what practical steps do you need to take to get away from this arsehole?

Allthatsnot · 14/07/2018 23:27

I'm with a pp, it sounds like he married you for a reason, money, make ex jealous, custody issue or something. Don't leave your home tonight? Where are your children? Stay put and appear to agree with H and see a solicitor first thing monday. Get all your financial things in order and check where you stand legally. I wouldn't trust your husband at all.

OnThisHill · 14/07/2018 23:30

Yes. Get out of this weird polygamist relationship now.
Is it a religious type of thing OP?