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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Livid but don’t want hassle

107 replies

Finallyfeelstrong · 14/07/2018 20:36

I got married three weeks ago and my firstborn time but his second marriage. After a crazy few years where’s ex wife caused problems we found common ground and conduct a working blended family relationship. I grew up in a blended family and hated the arguing and nasty comments and feeling like sides had to be taken.
Sometimes I’ve found it hard as I felt her needs over power things but have just found out she is taking their son, my stepson to a different country for the summer holidays to see family. He has always wanted to go but husband is adamant she won’t take him and has told the son he will only stay in that one place.
I’ve now been informed by stepson and his ex-wife that my honeymoon for two weeks will include his ex-wife for first half as she couldn’t fly alone and husband says she isn’t taking son alone! Then second half the stepson is coming without us then going back to ex’s family to collect ex and all flying home together.
Husband can’t understsnd why I’m not happy and saying I’m ungrsteful. But any time my own children go to their family he can’t wait to bookalone holidays or frequently asks me to send them so we can go away. But his son comes everywhere and I feel resentful that ex had a lavish wedding and party and honeymoon alone, New Home whereas I’ve moved into theirs which but I was ok with as we will move when a bigger deposit in a year but feel this is too much.
He won’t not take son as he states he will spoil him as much as he wants and always wanted to go to this place. But son only says he wants to go places after hearing MeV say them. The second half of trip is a once in a lifetime place and two days after I mentioned it and he suggested it for honeymoon in May son states it’s place he has always wanted to go and I knew my honey moon would include his child even husband honeymoon didn’t include son who was born before there marriage.
Aaaargh

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 14/07/2018 23:32

Yes. Get out of this weird polygamist relationship now.
Is it a religious type of thing OP?

I wondered this too tbh Hmm

AudiQ2 · 14/07/2018 23:39

A hotel for when? Now?

Is your 'D'H foreign? Different culture?

Finallyfeelstrong · 14/07/2018 23:48

No it’s no cultural thing

He thinks that because I’ve tried to maintain a civil workable relationship with his ex etc and all families to ensure all kids are happy and not surrounded by arguments or events been conducted separately etc that this is an acceptable situation

I’m heartbroken and so hurt that I’m so low in priorities after the effort I’ve made to keep peace.
Just no respect for me or anything.

I have my own house my grown children live in and huge age gap between my kids.
I’m financial secure and nothing can be taken from him and vice versa as we both made sure before marriage.
Only equity money etc after marriage was to be ever be counted

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 14/07/2018 23:52

Lady.. I am heart sorry for you... but he has shown you who he is... listen to him Flowers

Ivorbig1 · 14/07/2018 23:53

Fuck that shit. I’d burn my passport.

Finallyfeelstrong · 14/07/2018 23:58

I’m so upset I feel like burning his and kids night before trip

OP posts:
BlancheM · 14/07/2018 23:59

Totally and utterly bonkers batshit crazy. It's beyond unreasonable behaviour, I'd have grave concerns about your DH thinking this weird set up is normal.

Ivorbig1 · 15/07/2018 00:06

Naaa. Burn yours, they can go to the destination that your ss has always wanted to go, you can relax at home.

Gemini69 · 15/07/2018 00:13

I'd use the time at home .. to separate anything that ties you both... and be gone by the time he returns from His Honeymoon with his Ex-Wife and Son Flowers

Atthebottomofthegarden · 15/07/2018 00:42

I wouldn’t be going. And I say that as someone who had her stepson with her for the first week of her honeymoon...

No more Mrs Nice Guy, it is clearly giving out the wrong message!

Betsy86 · 15/07/2018 06:33

Do not go on this honeymoon, do as others have said lose the passport.
Whiles he’s away pack up and leave.
You deserve so much better than a man who takes his ex on your honeymoon what a asshole!x

NewDOOFUSfor18 · 15/07/2018 06:52

Jeez I've heard some crazy shit in my time but this is definitely up there Confused
finally do you and your H originate from another country/culture? It may seem a stupid question but I'm just wondering if you're from a culture where this would be (kind of) acceptable. And how old is SS?

Tbh I wouldn't put up with this, ok so marriage is a life of compromise but this takes the fucking biscuit! Be firm, live up to your username and tell him to fuck right off!

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 15/07/2018 07:31

Good luck op! Run like fuck away from this asshole, would be my advice. He is being a complete bully. You are not being jealous or ungrateful not to want this as your honeymoon. Especially when you’re having to leave your own children at home and he’s never even suggested bringing them Flowers.

veggiethrower · 15/07/2018 07:34

I wouldn't be going either. Absolutely ludicrous.
This has to be a wind up surely??

Honeymoon plus stepson maybe - if you had no kids of your own. That would be just about acceptable but the ex-wife? No way in hell.

He can go on his own with his ex-wife and their son and you can get yourself sorted out to leave him while he is away.

OnThisHill · 15/07/2018 08:01

I'm so sorry you're feeling so upset OP. We are all telling you how weird and so screwed up, but you know that - so let's try and get some understanding.

How old are you? How long have you been together and how old is SS?

Do you normally have a good relationship?

Or are you now realising that this is proof that you need to leave?

If so, it does sound like you are in a good position to leave, try to get annulment - can you do it for unreasonable behaviour?

It seems to me that you're too nice for him. Let them go on their dream holiday and you have time to extricate yourself.

Good luck Flowers

Churrolicious · 15/07/2018 08:08

I don’t think annulment is an option OP. But I can understand why you’d want out of there.

hellohello12345 · 15/07/2018 08:25

I would definitely tell him you are not going.

You are now married and therefore he kids should be treated equally. No favouritism because it's his child.

Secondly and most importantly, it's YOUR honeymoon - not his ex wife and child's.

Don't go.

Starlighter · 15/07/2018 08:29

You’re not bringing your own children on your honeymoon but your husband is bringing his ex wife and their son?!

Sod the honeymoon, I don’t think I’d even marry him!! Crazy!!

Toohotme · 15/07/2018 08:39

Omg! that is really awful not least because it’s being presented to you as reasonable which It sure as hell is not.

To clarify, will the ex wife and stepson all be travelling with you on the plane and sitting together? What are the arrangements when you reach your destination? Staying together in a hotel? Sharing meals? Round the pool? Sightseeing together?

ilovelamp82 · 15/07/2018 08:42

I definitely wouldn't go. That's crazy. He has no respect for you. And by the way he is controlling his ex wife too that indicates what your future looks like. Get out while you can and consider yourself lucky you haven't wasted any more time. This is literally supposed to be the honeymoon period and this is already the person he's showing you?

rainbowstardrops · 15/07/2018 08:51

That's not a honeymoon, it's a holiday.
I honestly can't think of one single person in my life that would think it's ok to take the ex with them.
I'd dig my heels in and let them all clear off on their cosy holiday. He's an idiot.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 15/07/2018 08:53

Alpha I have no fucking idea where to put paragraphs. Empathy. Jesus Christ. Hmm

WowLookAtYou · 15/07/2018 09:36

There are times in life when you have to draw a line.

This is one of them!

humblesims · 15/07/2018 09:42

yeah it all sounds completely unreasonable. i cant imagine why you would marry such a person. fuck that shit.

HumDingIt · 15/07/2018 09:48

OMG. He's mad. Get rid of him. Taking his ex wife and son on honeymoon WTAF.