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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Livid but don’t want hassle

107 replies

Finallyfeelstrong · 14/07/2018 20:36

I got married three weeks ago and my firstborn time but his second marriage. After a crazy few years where’s ex wife caused problems we found common ground and conduct a working blended family relationship. I grew up in a blended family and hated the arguing and nasty comments and feeling like sides had to be taken.
Sometimes I’ve found it hard as I felt her needs over power things but have just found out she is taking their son, my stepson to a different country for the summer holidays to see family. He has always wanted to go but husband is adamant she won’t take him and has told the son he will only stay in that one place.
I’ve now been informed by stepson and his ex-wife that my honeymoon for two weeks will include his ex-wife for first half as she couldn’t fly alone and husband says she isn’t taking son alone! Then second half the stepson is coming without us then going back to ex’s family to collect ex and all flying home together.
Husband can’t understsnd why I’m not happy and saying I’m ungrsteful. But any time my own children go to their family he can’t wait to bookalone holidays or frequently asks me to send them so we can go away. But his son comes everywhere and I feel resentful that ex had a lavish wedding and party and honeymoon alone, New Home whereas I’ve moved into theirs which but I was ok with as we will move when a bigger deposit in a year but feel this is too much.
He won’t not take son as he states he will spoil him as much as he wants and always wanted to go to this place. But son only says he wants to go places after hearing MeV say them. The second half of trip is a once in a lifetime place and two days after I mentioned it and he suggested it for honeymoon in May son states it’s place he has always wanted to go and I knew my honey moon would include his child even husband honeymoon didn’t include son who was born before there marriage.
Aaaargh

OP posts:
RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 14/07/2018 21:03

Yes, poor op’s children Sad. He’s clearly just decided “oh new wife, she can just fit in with my existing family”, completely forgetting that the op has a family of her own to think about. And “ungrateful” Angry.

Inertia · 14/07/2018 21:04

No way would I be agreeing to this. That isn't a honeymoon. And It's really worrying that he always wants to jettison your kids in favour of his son.

Xiaoxiong · 14/07/2018 21:04

I'm sorry that is hilarious. Your ex is barking.

Number one, he doesn't trust his ex to travel with his son alone, even though son is old enough to express a wish to go to some once in a lifetime honeymoon location (even though he apparently trusts her enough to take care of his son when he's not with your husband).

Number two he wants not only his child (but not yours?) but also his ex!!!!!!! To come on your honeymoon!??

I think you should go with the ex on the honeymoon together and leave this prick behind. I'd bet even money you'd have a better time with her!!

MinorRSole · 14/07/2018 21:04

Err fuck that. Nope, not a chance in hell. What is he thinking? And why can't the ex cope alone with her own child?!

Xiaoxiong · 14/07/2018 21:05

Ha I called him your ex in my first line, I meant your husband - possibly getting ahead of myself there...

Heatherjayne1972 · 14/07/2018 21:06

This is your honeymoon
A special holiday for just you two no kids no ex wife

Sounds like he wants just an ordinary family holiday
I’m sorry Op but he is showing you exactly where you are in the pecking order Third. When you should be first

Marmablade · 14/07/2018 21:06

You need to make it clear to your DH this isn't your honeymoon. It's a holiday with your SS. You need to rebook an actual honeymoon and make it clear no one else is invited!!

Original poster
Finallyfeelstrong · 14/07/2018 21:07

I couldn’t take my child as her condition is rare and the country wouldn’t insure her except for astronomically large amounts. Hence the idea was a honeymoon where only us two so no child felt left out. Husband wanted us to go as a break for me which is why we have always gone in their time at dads.
It’s only this year stepson has joined us. Clearly stated he likes that he can tell his dad he wants to see a place and he takes him. His mum can’t afford. So he moved in here. Our holidays were husbands way of making sure I had relaxation as I get no respite for child.

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 14/07/2018 21:09

So you have already gone on holiday yourself with your kids and his kid with no issues, and yet he thinks the ex couldn't cope with just one child. I'm speechless.

(Unless there is some back story here like she's not fit to fly or something?? Clutching at straws to explain his completely and utterly unreasonable behaviour.)

Xiaoxiong · 14/07/2018 21:12

Ok so that's three unreasonable things. He doesn't trust his ex to travel with son (why?) He gives in to whatever son wants (Disney dad?) and he wants ex to come on honeymoon (ludicrous).

InfiniteVariety · 14/07/2018 21:12

Did you previously post about this scenario OP, a few weeks ago, before getting married? It seems familiar....

3 weeks married and your husband already seems to be taking you for granted and ignoring your feelings. To put it bluntly, he is showing he will prioritise himself, his son and possibly his ex-wife, ahead of you.

Gazelda · 14/07/2018 21:13

That's not a honeymoon. That's a nightmare. I can't understand how he booked and paid for all of this without consulting with you.
To be honest, I really don't think I'd go.

Fivelittleduckies · 14/07/2018 21:15

How old is SS and your DC?

I would not go. Couldn’t think of a worse honeymoon with ex wife in attendance . Wtf?!!!!

RabbitsAreTasty · 14/07/2018 21:18

Ah I see, you are the holiday nanny while DH, his ex and son are on the actual holiday.

You might as well stay home.

SanseL · 14/07/2018 21:19

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TheHobbitMum · 14/07/2018 21:20

Fuck me OP you've married a real dream there! There is nothing you've written that is reasonable at all. Like fuck would I honeymoon with ex wife or children (from either side)!

I cannot comprehend why your husband would do this unless he has never truly gotten over their marriage.

It's never too early to LTB and how he's treating you and your children it would have to a serious consideration.

Clutterbugsmum · 14/07/2018 21:25

Let him go on honeymoon with his ex and child, you stay at home seeing a solicitor/lawyer about getting your marriage annulled and getting a any assets separated from him.

funnylittlefloozie · 14/07/2018 21:26

I would just laugh at your DH, and a
tell him to enjoy the holiday with his son and ex-W, and that you guys can book an ACTUAL honeymoon when he gets back. Don't even entertain the idea that he might be serious. No-one on God's green earth would bring their ex-wife on their honeymoon. Don't let him think you are seriously considering the idea!

Littlechocola · 14/07/2018 21:26

He’s having a laugh! He wants a honeymoon with his new wife, ex wife and son????

Ellie56 · 14/07/2018 21:26

This sounds all kinds of batshit. I would tell your stupid DH you are not going on honeymoon with either ex wife or SS.

Why did you even get married knowing this was planned? Hmm

Anon12345ABC · 14/07/2018 21:34

I was going to say I'd be looking at annulment too. I certainly wouldn't be getting on that plane, with or without his ex wife and child.

This will be your life from now on OP. Do you really want this forever?

funnylittlefloozie · 14/07/2018 21:34

Just out of interest, what wil the sleeping arrangements be? Will he be sharing with you and the ex-wife?

notanurse2017 · 14/07/2018 21:38

Your husband has already shown that he puts you and your children way down the line in terms of priorities. Why are you that surprised at his latest decision?

funinthesun18 · 14/07/2018 21:43

Ooooh my god.

FUCK THAT.

Hidillyho · 14/07/2018 21:45

Just tell him you’re not going on the honeymoon.
I am very good friends with my ex and I definitely wouldn’t want to go away with him on my honeymoon and wouldn’t expect my DP to go away with him either Hmm

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