To think my mum doesn't need a house full of toys meant for her grandchildren?

[KaySamuels]

I have a ds (2), my sis S has a ds (2) and a dd (5), and my sis A has a ds (4).

Our uncle (mum's brother) has a ds (our cousin) aged 8, who regularly clears out his toys and send them round "for the little ones as he is too big for them now". Aw bless! He has a big family and is the youngest so is practically drowning in toys and has been brought up to share and be geerous, his fearing he would otherwise end up being spoilt and greedy!

Anyway, these toys get dropped off at my mum's maybe twice a year. My mum thens stashes them around the house in cupboards, etc and keeps them!!!!!! I am a childminder and have ds and two step sons and she currently has an equal amount of toys as I have at home! The first few times we let it go, however last time me and sister S went round and split the toys up in front of her between the children, and took them home, including sister A's, which we dropped round to her house so they didn't go back in the cupboard. She was like a sulky teenager, and was in a right mood about it!

My mum is very strange.

So was there yesterday and another lot got dropped off, my uncle was telling me what was there, what cousin had grown out of, did my ds like them etc....dp helped uncle get the toys out of the car....and my mum took them upstairs and put them on her bed!?! wtf!

My sister S is quite feisty and has said she is going on Thursday with or without me to split the toys up. (We all have keys and mum will be out.)

My mum is strange no? I feel mad about this on two counts:

1. None of us hae much money, and are all very grateful to receive these toys (cousin gets lovely xmas pressies off us in appreciation )
2. I often bump into Uncle and am worried I should be thanking him for something I haven't received. (sometimes don't know about toys until the kids drag new ones out the cupboard and ask where they are from).

weird, can you tell your uncle to just give them to you or your sister as your mother doesn't want them cluttering up the house or something like that. sorry your mother is being so strange.

i think you are lucky. i spend a lot of time at my mums but she ahs not toys whatsoever for my children in her house. they have to make do with a biro and old envelopes or a wooden spoon and pot lids. unless i take toys with me. they enjoy the spoons and pot lids, but not all the time every time

My mum likes to have a few toys at her house for the dc's to play with when they visit.

Can you leave some of the toys at your mums house and take the rest?

Perhaps she is afraid of the kids getting bored if they have nothing to play with at her house?

my moms kept a load of my old toys and has them at her house but as soon as dd grows into something she encourages us to take it with us for her. she likes there to be a couple of things in the house but they are there for dd to play with and get dragged out the second we turn up.

very odd behaviour and i don't think it would be out of order to say to your uncle that you would prefer to have them dropped to one of your houses so they can be split up from there, make up an excuse if you don't want to tell him the real reason!

I think you should leave some at your Mums too tbh. I definitely wouldn't go to her house and take them whilst she's not there, I'd be very p'ed off if I were her (how would feel if she came and did something similar to you?) I do see where you're coming from, but on the other hand I do think you and you sister are being a bit grabby. Leave a stash at your Mums, it'll make everyones life easier, plus the Dcs will appreciate the toys more having them there where the access is limited - stops them getting bored with them so quickly.

It's obvious! Your mum wants to play with them. She was obviously toy-deprived as a child, and probably sits upstairs in her bedroom for hours stroking furry creatures, making brick houses, and assembling 5-piece jigsaws!!!

Ahem .. but seriously. You just need to do whatever it takes (like going on Thursday), to get those toys to their rightful recipients.

You'll want to be leaving a few behind at your mums, for reasons already stated, but take the rest. GO GIRL!!

My mum's mum has what I consider a normal amount of toys for a grandparent with no children living at home (a small cupboard full). When we go visit her the kids usually take a toy each and that's that! My mum has toys all over ! I mean really, a ridiculous amount. There is no way they could get bored. She has a massive box of toys overflowing, two large cupboards full, a toy kitchen, two little tykes coupe cars in the garage, lots of dvds, sister had to put foot down and take little tykes house, the list goes on.

She has also been funny about our own possesions. For example sister A had left a disney vhs at mum's, sister S's dd said she loved said video so sister A said, you can have it pick it up from nanna's and tkae it home with you. Little girl picks vhs up..
nanna: 'oh are you borrowing my video xx?'
Sister S: 'no aunty A said xx may keep aunty A's video'
nanna: 'oh right I see' [in put out sulky voice]

as i said i think you are lucky. stop being so greedy.

What serenity said.

I don't htink I'd be letting myself in to take some toys without telling your mum, very innapropriate and sneaky.
Maybe your mum is quite proud that she has so many toys for her grandchildren to play with when they visit?

I know what you mean serentiy I don't want to appear grabby, which is why out of six convoys of toys, me and sis (we are the two oldest btw) have let it lie and only split up one lot of stuff. I do feel she is taking the P tho I really do!
I wouldn't like someone going into my home and taking things no, but I wouldn't withhold toys from dcs either! My ds was there on Sunday, saw toys coming in, and wasn't allowed to play with any of them! Sat and cried!
She has a lot of issues I feel, had a fantasy pregnancy when me and sis S were pg. Bought cot, changing table, whole caboodle, wouldn't listen to gp, etc. Sister S threatened to have her sectioned!

HOw often do you go to her house? Do you think she thinks you and the grandchildren might visit more often if she has lots of nice toys??

Both of dds' grans wanted to have a decent selection of toys at their own homes, particularly when dds were small.

Lots of toys in the house makes gps feel happy and secure and able to amuse small children.

Let her keep them for heaven's sake.

I really can't understand why anyone would think Kay is being 'grabby.' The toys are for her children, not for her mum. The uncle merely drops them off there.

I'm sure he'd be perplexed if he realized that they weren't being distributed out.

Do your kids have no toys already?

I know I wouldn't be wanting to add any more to my kids already full bedrooms!!

I understand what you are saying nail polish, and can see your pov - my ds loves pots and pans but not for a whole visit!

It is the sneakyness of it all, I really think my mum is a bit.....???? I don't know really, she is hard to put in words.

She has never been there for us, we had awful childhoods I won't go into, and I really feel she needs some counselling or something? I don't know - we have a very strained relationship as it is, and I think she is doing it for attention tbh!

i think you are being very very spiteful towards your mother. she is trying to do her best by the sounds of things, and be a nice gran who has lots of toys for the children who visit her

if you think she needs counselling then why dont you talk to her? talk to her gp? try and help her instead of bitching about her and going behind her back

Sounds like your mum does have a problem. If the toys are clearly being dropped off for your ds and his cousins then it is very odd of her to keep them. Do the dcs play with them when they visit her? I know you said they drag the new ones out themselves but does she ever actually hand them over and say "look at this new toy you can play with".

I wonder if what Legacy says is the truth behind the toy hoarding.

Have you actually sat your mother down and talked about it with her (in a non-hysterical way) ?

No saadia she doesn't. In the past when they have 'found' new toys in the toy cupboard I would say she even appears put out that they have seen them in a way. It is really strange. The kids do play with the toys when they visit, but usually the same toys iykwim, they tend to have their favourites.

I feel the need to repeat myself - I like her having toys in the house, it is the fact she is keeping toys (and even hiding) toys that are meant for her grandchildren to share out to their homes.

So she doesn't let them play with them when they come over to visit?

That's a bit different then. I can understand her wanting them there for your Dcs, but if she's keeping them completely for herself, then I'm changing my side of the fence Kay. Your mum is crackers, and if your Uncle is leaving them at her house for your DCs use, and she's blocking that then she's out of order. I'm still not comfortable with your sister going in behind her back and taking them (it's her home), but something does need to be done. Does your Uncle know what's going on?

Sorry legacy I did see your post and am not very fast at typing . I honestly don't know what she is thinking with regrds to keeping them. My sis S goes once a week with kids, I go maybe once a month, sis A goes maybe every six weeks.
There has been no change in how often we all visit, we have visited at our usual frequency since having kids (all visit more now we have kids than before we had kids). So there has been no change to how often she sees the gcs.

I would let her keep the toys she has at the moment, no point rocking the boat especially as she doesn't sound an easy person to talk too.

Fair enough to talk to uncle about diverting the next batch of toys to your house.

i really feel for you r mother here. you need to talk to her and see if she needs help or is hiding somethng that is troubling her. take your uncle with you possibly?