To think my mum doesn't need a house full of toys meant for her grandchildren?

[KaySamuels]

I have a ds (2), my sis S has a ds (2) and a dd (5), and my sis A has a ds (4).

Our uncle (mum's brother) has a ds (our cousin) aged 8, who regularly clears out his toys and send them round "for the little ones as he is too big for them now". Aw bless! He has a big family and is the youngest so is practically drowning in toys and has been brought up to share and be geerous, his fearing he would otherwise end up being spoilt and greedy!

Anyway, these toys get dropped off at my mum's maybe twice a year. My mum thens stashes them around the house in cupboards, etc and keeps them!!!!!! I am a childminder and have ds and two step sons and she currently has an equal amount of toys as I have at home! The first few times we let it go, however last time me and sister S went round and split the toys up in front of her between the children, and took them home, including sister A's, which we dropped round to her house so they didn't go back in the cupboard. She was like a sulky teenager, and was in a right mood about it!

My mum is very strange.

So was there yesterday and another lot got dropped off, my uncle was telling me what was there, what cousin had grown out of, did my ds like them etc....dp helped uncle get the toys out of the car....and my mum took them upstairs and put them on her bed!?! wtf!

My sister S is quite feisty and has said she is going on Thursday with or without me to split the toys up. (We all have keys and mum will be out.)

My mum is strange no? I feel mad about this on two counts:

1. None of us hae much money, and are all very grateful to receive these toys (cousin gets lovely xmas pressies off us in appreciation )
2. I often bump into Uncle and am worried I should be thanking him for something I haven't received. (sometimes don't know about toys until the kids drag new ones out the cupboard and ask where they are from).

Crikey. Don't have pass yet so can't plead immunity from serious issues can I? Ok did watch. Honest. Can I have the pass now?

Your mum appears to have nightmare issues. You've tried and failed to get help for her, for which you deserve admiration, as not all children would take those steps.

Now you have to take steps to keep everyone else happy. Deal with the toy issue the best way you can, be it letting your sister do what she feels the need to, or approaching your Uncle.

As an aside, her behaviour seems to trouble you a great deal. Forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn, but maybe a session or three with a counsellor yourself might be useful? If nothing else, they can teach you a few effective ways of dealing with the crap that other people (especially parents) and life can throw at you. They're also an empathetic bunch, and it can sometimes be good to just let it all out in the presence of somebody who will not judge or tell you to stop being silly.

Take care of yourself.

Agnes

Yes, you may. Watch where you tread in future

Thank you very much VVV. Trust it is recognised on all MN borders? Shall refer all hot and bothered posters to you, so you can fully explain the small print.

We've all had conversations with people were the thing they talked about first wasn't the real issue - and I think we have one here.

Your mum sounds ill. I think that someone should tell your uncle that he is feeding the illness, and suggest that he gives the toys to a charity shop or sells them on Ebay. He won't of course - he will give them to you, but it will stop him jumping to the same conclusions that some of the posters on here have come to - and instead concentrate on his sister's health.

Maybe you should start a new thread on health about the phantom pregnancy business, and just mention toy hoarding as one symptom.

hey, i didnt mean to upset you.

having re-read your OP i still get the impression that all you want are the toys, but later posts differ. im sorry. this clearly is the straw that broke the camels back, if i were you i would step back, forget about the toys, and think "ive done my best to help her" and walk away. who cares about the toys. if she wants them then she can have them. they are just material possessions fgs

no, your mum is not behaving normally. she sounds like she suffers from delusions. she might even think she has another child in her house now (the result of her phantom pg?) and the toys are for that child and the gcs. in which case it would be cruel to take them when she's out. this might just be her way of coping with life.

however, why not tell your uncle to drop them off to your house. you do not have to keep her behaviour secret, and you should not have to suffer the consequences of it now.

I can understand why your mum wants to keep toys at her house for your dc's to play with, that way all her grandchildren get to play with all of the toys and she has toys there for when you visit.

My mum is a childminder so my dd's love visiting her as she has lots of toys.

Kay - your mum IS being unreasonable and obviously needs help but you've tried, it's hard isn't it!

My dh's mum was pure evil and some people are NOT lucky to have a mum (can't remember who said that but read somewhere) - my dh would have been much better off NOT having one but that's another story! She also had very odd behaviour and wouldn't let any of her kids take their own belongings when they left home - she'd say I gave you them!!

The bit that makes me is that your children have seen these and yet they are hidden away from them too!

And just ignore the people who said horrible things, they obviously don't understand what it's like!

I think you need to read the whole thread, kslatts!