To have 'told him off'

[rollingonariver]

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'll leave that up to mumsnet!
We were out this afternoon seeing some of DP's friends. We got to talking about how Piers Morgan is a bit of an arse etc and conversation goes like this:
DF: what do you expect from a guy named piers
Me: what do you mean?
DF: well it's a fucking douchey middle class name isn't it?!
I set him straight, calmly I didn't shout or anything, and said that someone's name doesn't really mean anything and that I'm sure there's lots of people who are called Piers who are lovely etc. I also said that he had mentioned in the past that our DD had a 'posh' name.
Anyway, conversation carried on and all was fine but when we got home his DW texted me and said i was patronising and she wouldn't be seeing us again if I was to tell her husband off again? I feel like I was very calm and that I have a right to say if something makes me uncomfortable, that's what a conversation is imo. Should I just apologise and blame it on the heat?

I'd text her back and say, "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were his mum".

He sounds like an arse, but she sounds like a bigger one. Not sure you'd miss their friendship tbh. What does your DP think?

So he's allowed to aggressively and rudely state his opinion, but some posters here think you have no right to reply!? Clearly he has some issues if he's daft enough to think a 'posh' sounding name dictates someone's personality. Why shouldn't you have debated that point with him? He's clearly a bully and very weak because he is now running round to the various mummy figures in his life because a woman calmly and politely stood up to him. I'd run a mile from this one, who needs a 'friend' like this, good riddance to bad rubbish.

I am trying to think what you should text back? I think... BLOCKED should do. Nothing else. Both knobs i think!

There are ways of saying things. Lecturing rarely goes down well with others. It isn't a gender thing.

I LOVE that his mother had now texted MIL! What a twat. Can’t fight his own battles so gets his wife and mother to do it for him.

Best tactic is just ignore.

OP he sounds horrible and not worth being friends with. Loving the irony of his wife and mum complaining about you. Perhaps give your MIL a heads up that your response to him was actually a defence against his veiled rudeness about her granddaughter's name, that might make her think twice!

I'd text her back and say, "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were his mum".

I don't think you should do it... but I love this suggestion.

I’m a bit on the fence. The searing, fair enough- you do t want that language around your DD. Pulling him up on the sentiment, a bit unnecessary. Then limping in your own home to assume they have the same prejudice to you, utterly unnecessary. To go from I think Piers is a wanky MC name to I don’t, it’s juts a name, and you’ve said previously DD has a MC name so are you saying that’s wanky, is a bit of a stewing leap. No one was discussing your daughter, you seem to juts don’t like the bloke. Fair enough. Sounds like that won’t be an issue going forward, they don’t want to see you again either.

Ignore me. The autocorrect has not been my friend. Friend- arse. You- a little unnecessary maybe with the leap between Peirs and your DD name. Everything afterward- back to him being an arse. Having mummy and wife fight is battles is ridiculous. You are well rid!!!!

Ignore me. The autocorrect has not been my friend. Friend- arse. You- a little unnecessary maybe with the leap between Peirs and your DD name. Everything afterward- back to him being an arse. Having mummy and wife fight is battles is ridiculous. You are well rid!!!!

I think feminism does come into this, he absolutely hates being told he's wrong - especially by a woman so I think I bruised his ego if anything.

You're still not getting it.

and said that someone's name doesn't really mean anything and that I'm sure there's lots of people who are called Piers who are lovely etc.

Do you really believe if you asked him the question, are all people called Piers dickheads, he would have taken it as a serious question, and, quite seriously, replied yes?

I can't believe any adult would sincerely say yes to that, no-one is that thick.

If you don't believe that he would have said yes, then your explanation was superfluous.

You were taking a silly comment at face value to give yourself an opportunity to insult him.

(I'm not saying you were wrong to wind him up or insult him, I'm just mystified that you can't see that you did it.)

Why didn’t his wife pipe up at the time and say something to you face to face instead of waiting to do it by text?

She sounds like a right knob

One of the Dudley's bully friends from Harry Potter was called Piers Polkiss. He was very douchey too.

Oh yeah - he used to hold people's arms behind their backs so Dudley could punch them!

To be honest, I would tell someone off for swearing in front of my child, although I would probably ask them politely not to do it and only raise it if they continued to swear. As for the nominative determinism, there is a lot in it.

He probably told his DW to text that. You've hurt his delicate man ego

So now his mum is moaning too. Sounds like there are a lot of women pandering to this man. No wonder he feels he can be snide.

What did your MIL say?

Its all very dramatic. I would back right away and have nothing to do with that family as they all sound far too dramatic and precious.

@Firesuit I get what you mean, I guess I was being patronising in that regard. I do think If I asked him that question though he'd have said yes because it's a 'douchey' name ? Also I felt like he was saying something that's wrong and I was disagreeing with him in civil conversation. Like if someone were to say 'all Blank people are stupid', you'd know they weren't that dumb but you'd still argue it?

Maybe get your DD (lovely name btw!) to text MIL (or whoever needs to be texted now!) saying she’s offended by... I dunno... something?

Your daughters name is lovely.

Bottom line is the women think you caused a scene and were rude. There is nothing to tell us he's asking them to kick off. So we need to take it at face value. Not assume they are stupid women who can't make their own decisions doing what he tells them. That's really offensive.

You think you were polite and didn't kick off. And you're trying to use an old comment on your daughters name being middle class as a way to justify what you apparently didn't do.

If neither you or your husband like them, then simply decline social invites that include them. It looks like they will be not wishing to socialise with you anyway, so you've lost nothing.

They both sound like idiots. Don't apologise, it might mean you don't have to see them again.

Sounds like he is an arsey git, and everyone knows he is an arsey git and rather than try to stop him being an arsey git the DW and DM are rushing to humour him so he stops his arsiness by blaming the OP. Pathetic really.

I’d be pretty tempted to send them hariobosmarties’ post above in quotes just for fun but that actually would be causing drama. Probably best to ignore,really. They sound batshit and very sexist.

They all sound bonkers. He's a man hiding behind wife and mummy's skirts. What a total big softy he is. You've done nothing wrong Op, no way would i apologise.

I don't think you've lost much if you fall out with them OP - he sounds a right dick, as others have said.
I remember a similar thing happened to me years ago with my stupid dick of a BIL. He made a pathetic homophobic comment and I engaged with him, asking what he really meant. I thought we were having a discussion, HE thought that it was wrong for a female to challenge a male. Mind you he was vile.
Another major plus about divorce: you also divorce Ex's family - result!
But yes, OP, I would stop seeing the pair of them.

He is pathetic, I would text the DW back and say fine, your husbands a twat and I don't like him anyway.

I don't mind Piers Morgan