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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I unreasonable to post a picture of this man online?

132 replies

IsitaStorminanInstaTeaCup · 13/07/2018 11:20

For context, I regularly attend a church with my DP - and it's fairly old school I guess if that's relevant. I was at an event the other week with quite a few other church people including ministers, and afterwards my friend sent me a photo of me, DP and one of aforementioned ministers standing in a group. She had told us to be 'casual' in it, and the resulting pic was both nice and amusing to me - I'm doing a mid-conversation pose, and a minister is with us. So I posted it on Instagram, with a caption like, 'my favourite informal snap from...' blah blah. Today, I find out through a garbled message that DP has heard from the minister, and the minister wants it to be deleted from my account.

I'm a bit baffled, but also massively embarrassed that this man has somehow tracked the photo down and asked for it to be deleted Blush He definitely doesn't have Instagram, my account is private...I suppose he heard from a church acquaintance, but it's hardly a dreadful picture! Argh...was I very unreasonable? :(

OP posts:
Gilead · 13/07/2018 11:22

It perhaps would have been nice to ask his permission first.

Thebluedog · 13/07/2018 11:22

If your account is locked down then it’s not online for all and sundry to view. I’d simply respect his request, take it down and quietly apologise next time you see him.

MonkeysMummy17 · 13/07/2018 11:23

If he doesn't want his pictures on the Internet then it's perfectly reasonable for him to ask for it to be taken down.
You aren't being massively unreasonable for having posted it, but it might make you think twice about checking if people mind before posting photos of them online.
I'd just take it down and a quick polite apology next time you see him 😊

MissionItsPossible · 13/07/2018 11:26

I'm not on any social media that identifies me and someone once posted a picture of me on their account and showed it (along with hashtags of things relating to my work and my name) and I wasn't happy about it at all and asked them to delete it.

Bombardier25966 · 13/07/2018 11:28

If you're posting a picture of someone, be sure that they're OK with it. It's common courtesy. Not all of us choose to publish our (real!) lives online.

Angie169 · 13/07/2018 11:30

Its not clear , did the minister know his photo was been taken ? Is he likely to know much about Instagram / facebook ect if he is not on either he may not be aware of how easy it is to post and share photos, perhaps on with the position ( in the church ) he is in he feels a photo with a lady is not professional

lifeisabeachsometimes · 13/07/2018 11:40

I think it is absolutely reasonable he has asked you to do this, lot of people don't like their photos on the internet, so fair enough.

Next time ask first, boundaries are important to good relationships and the only people that really get to post whatever they like are preteens who don't any better. Going forward be more sensitive to other people's thoughts and feelings.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/07/2018 11:42

Yes you were. You don’t post anyone’s mugshot on social media without their permission.

queenrollo · 13/07/2018 11:48

I think we are so used to just snap and post with pictures that often we don't step back to think about how other people might not be ok with that.

I have friends who don't use social media at all (there actually are people out there who don't!) and so if we attend events together I never share photos online if they or their children are in them.

At the end of the day however harmless you may think it is, this person has a right to not have their image used online if they don't want to. And they don't have to justify why.

Maybe we should all be a bit more mindful about what we actually post on social media, esepcially if it involves people other than ourselves.

MikeUniformMike · 13/07/2018 11:48

Yes. I know people whose photos were put on SM without their knowledge by the local pub and they were not happy about it.

NorksAreMessy · 13/07/2018 11:50

I absolutely HATE photos of myself and would have asked you to take down any pictures

Loonoon · 13/07/2018 11:51

I don’t think you need to be embarrassed. It seems like a reasonable thing to have done but equally he can ask that it be removed. Just take it d0wn and forget about it.

PositivelyPERF · 13/07/2018 11:55

I am NC with my family and as one of them is dangerous, I would be pissed if you posted photos that might identify where I am.

Or he’s on the run. 😉

Original poster
IsitaStorminanInstaTeaCup · 13/07/2018 11:56

I just continue to feel so embarrassed about it - dp is planning to train to be a minister in this church himself, and I feel like I've shown him up or something

OP posts:
Original poster
IsitaStorminanInstaTeaCup · 13/07/2018 11:57

I doubt the minister has asked me to take it down because it's identified his whereabouts, but stranger things have happened

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMoose · 13/07/2018 11:58

I wouldn’t worry yourself over it.

I HATE photos of me & HATE them being posted online. I don’t have any social media accounts.

However, this is 2018, most people do have social media and post photos, I don’t expect them to know/care how I feel about it.

You didn’t do anything the VAST majority of people don’t do. NOBODY asks before posting photos.

Seasawride · 13/07/2018 12:00

Just take it down op, apologise but don’t worry. In 25 years time I don’t think anyone will give a stuff as I don’t know anyone under 25 who isn’t on some form of social media. Or gaming etc.

But it’s polite to ask first

duckfuckduck · 13/07/2018 12:02

You should have sued him really.

duckfuckduck · 13/07/2018 12:03
  • asked

😂. phone

CtrlCandCtrlV · 13/07/2018 12:04

Of course, you were unreasonable. Just delete it, and go and apologise to him - don't make a big thing out of it, just go and have a quick chat next time you see him to reassure him it has been deleted and because your account was private, you didn't think.
Chances are he won't be that bothered but will appreciate you telling him in person.

Flippetydip · 13/07/2018 12:07

duck - I did wonder what there was to sue about!!

OP - I think you might be overthinking this. Just take it down, drop him a line to say that you're very sorry, you had no idea that he didn't want his photos in the public domain and it won't happen again.

Don't make it the big issue that it's not. This should have no impact on your husband's training at all.

Ginorchoc · 13/07/2018 12:15

Can you put a emoji face or alternative, Trump maybe over his face as a cunning disguise?

bigKiteFlying · 13/07/2018 12:18

Just take it down op, apologise but don’t worry.

Do this.

Lots of people post without asking.

I'm not a huge fan of having mine or my DC pictures on-line but have no real reason to worry - though know people who do - so it's something I find a bit rude but generally let pass these days.

Piffle11 · 13/07/2018 12:29

Take it down and next time you see him go straight over and apologise. Just a 'so sorry, completely my fault' type thing with a smile, and I'm sure all will be fine.

Elliebobbins · 13/07/2018 12:30

YABU. I know many people who would not be comfortable having pictures of them shared. In fact I am sometimes one of them. It isn't a huge crime so there is no need to be embarrassed. There are plenty of people who share things without checking these days, as it is seem as normal to use social media this way. If you have deleted the picture and apologised, just try to forget about it but remember to ask in future.

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