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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I unreasonable to post a picture of this man online?

132 replies

IsitaStorminanInstaTeaCup · 13/07/2018 11:20

For context, I regularly attend a church with my DP - and it's fairly old school I guess if that's relevant. I was at an event the other week with quite a few other church people including ministers, and afterwards my friend sent me a photo of me, DP and one of aforementioned ministers standing in a group. She had told us to be 'casual' in it, and the resulting pic was both nice and amusing to me - I'm doing a mid-conversation pose, and a minister is with us. So I posted it on Instagram, with a caption like, 'my favourite informal snap from...' blah blah. Today, I find out through a garbled message that DP has heard from the minister, and the minister wants it to be deleted from my account.

I'm a bit baffled, but also massively embarrassed that this man has somehow tracked the photo down and asked for it to be deleted Blush He definitely doesn't have Instagram, my account is private...I suppose he heard from a church acquaintance, but it's hardly a dreadful picture! Argh...was I very unreasonable? :(

OP posts:
Original poster
IsitaStorminanInstaTeaCup · 13/07/2018 13:21

I'm sorry I've angered you so much Wendy

OP posts:
Original poster
IsitaStorminanInstaTeaCup · 13/07/2018 13:22
OP posts:
WendyCope · 13/07/2018 13:22

You have, it has happened to me about my DD (7) it is disgusting behaviour.

polkadotpixie · 13/07/2018 13:23

I don't think you're unreasonable but since he's so bothered just crop/blur him out and re-post it

I certainly wouldn't be begging for forgiveness though, there's probably numerous pictures of him (& the rest of us) on the internet that we don't know about

Original poster
IsitaStorminanInstaTeaCup · 13/07/2018 13:26

I think perhaps you personal experiences are colouring your view of this, Wendy. What I did was not disgusting.

OP posts:
Original poster
IsitaStorminanInstaTeaCup · 13/07/2018 13:27

Knowing him a bit, I think he probably just think it's inappropriate for a man of his station to be featuring on Instagram (private or not), which made me feel worried for dp.

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 13/07/2018 13:30

IsitaStorminanInstaTeaCup Fri 13-Jul-18 11:20:53
For context, I regularly attend a church with my DP - and it's fairly old school I guess if that's relevant. I was at an event the other week with quite a few other church people including ministers, and afterwards my friend sent me a photo of me, DP and one of aforementioned ministers standing in a group. She had told us to be 'casual' in it, and the resulting pic was both nice and amusing to me - I'm doing a mid-conversation pose, and a minister is with us. So I posted it on Instagram, with a caption like, 'my favourite informal snap from...' blah blah. Today, I find out through a garbled message that DP has heard from the minister, and the minister wants it to be deleted from my account.

I'm a bit baffled, but also massively embarrassed that this man has somehow tracked the photo down and asked for it to be deleted blush He definitely doesn't have Instagram, my account is private...I suppose he heard from a church acquaintance, but it's hardly a dreadful picture! Argh...was I very unreasonable?

My first thought was that he's a peado and been relocated by the church. Have you googled him?

Original poster
IsitaStorminanInstaTeaCup · 13/07/2018 13:30

your

thinks

OP posts:
Original poster
IsitaStorminanInstaTeaCup · 13/07/2018 13:31

He hasn't been relocated no! He's been in the same place for ages

OP posts:
TheHodgeoftheHedge · 13/07/2018 13:31

It doesn't actually matter what his reasons are for not wanting it to be on the internet. Stop overthinking this.
He wanted it removed. You've removed it. That's kind of it, isn't it?

Jengnr · 13/07/2018 13:32

Has he asked you directly to take it down? If so you probably should, although he's being weird about it. If he hasn't bothered to ask I wouldn't take it down.

OVienna · 13/07/2018 13:32

So - you posted a picture of him and your DH at a public work event (where presumably conference organisers, the press, whoever could also be taking pictures) and he's freaking out? Do I understand that correctly? Did he react when you were taking it in the first place?

Does it make him look like an idiot???

I can see why you didn't feel it was obvious he would want to be asked for permission, esp if you have a locked down account. Totally different situation if it involved children or was a private event where he might be letting his hair down.

Anyway it's gone now but in this particular scenario my thought is: there's nowt so queer as folk. He sounds a bit odd, I agree. I wonder who outed the photo????

NewYearNewMe18 · 13/07/2018 13:33

People have a right to privacy. And you have duty to accept their wishes.

You obviously feel you are right to put his picture up. Nothing anyone is going to say is going to change your mind. Di you say your DH was hoping to trains as a minister with this chap? can't say you're coming across as an ideal wife for a vicar.

Knowing him a bit, I think he probably just think it's inappropriate for a man of his station to be featuring on Instagram Many many 'lols' !! Best you be telling @KensingtonPalace @TheRoyalFamily @ClarenceHouse etc that in their position they shouldn't have Instagram Grin

O/T IMHO people who get upset about social media are usually hiding from their past. Vicar in hiding, spidey senses twitching.

FishesaPlenty · 13/07/2018 13:34

As far as I know you actually CANNOT take photos of children under 11 and post the on the internet without the parents consent.

As far as you know. You're wrong though.

LastTrainEast · 13/07/2018 13:34

Perfectly reasonable to put it up. Taking it down is the right thing to do, but it's curious why he (and whoever tracked the picture down) cared enough to make the effort.

A minister is a public figure of sorts who might expect his photo to appear here and there.

I don't think any of these laws about photos actually exist in the UK. There are sometimes rules on social media sites which is different. If you take a photo of a beach or park from a distance it would be impossible not to include strangers and their children.

WendyCope · 13/07/2018 13:36

So, you have answered your own question.

You think he thinks it might be inappropriate.
He may be NC with his family
He may have a stalker

Who knows?

Yep, until it has happened to you, you don't understand. If I were to post an unflattering picture of you shitfaced, being sick, would you like it? No. You like this photo as you are vain, it is all about YOU. Why don't you see that? Actually, as a potential ministers wife, I think you sound well inappropriate.

My DS will not tolerate ANY photos of her online as she is a teacher and could get sacked if, for example she was holding a glass of wine or talking to a married man laughing etc.

It is not for you to decide. Ask first.

WendyCope · 13/07/2018 13:38

No fishes a lawayer (came on here actually) and informed me on my rights. It was an American based 'blogsite' though. Several internet experts backed the lawyer up. I'll find the thread.

I checked too, the lawyer was correct.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/07/2018 13:41

You’re being bloody ridiculous now, op. I doubt it’s that nice that you’re heartbroken it no longer has an online audience.
Stop being a muppet and have the good grace to ask in future.
Tell them you want to post the photo because you look gorgeous in it; I’m sure they’ll understand Hmm

FishesaPlenty · 13/07/2018 13:42

If you can see it then you're generally allowed to take pictures of it and use them as you want. There are certain specific situations where you're not (certain 'sexual' things, harassing photos and in breach of court orders etc. - and on private land/premises where the owner has specifically disallowed it) but generally anything goes.

FishesaPlenty · 13/07/2018 13:45

No Wendy, assuming we're talking about the UK that's incorrect.

WendyCope · 13/07/2018 13:47

fishes do you have children, do you not sign a form when they start school that they can be photographed or not? It is a safeguarding issue.

I am finding the ignorance here outstanding.

WendyCope · 13/07/2018 13:49

OK fishes crack on.

There are literally thousands of posts about this on here. But you are right Hmm

I have made it my business to know.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 13/07/2018 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OVienna · 13/07/2018 13:51

I think the situation is a little different here Wendy - the OP took the photo of an adult at a public, professional event. It's not the same as taking a picture of a child and identifying their school (or the photograph being used as a part of a marketing programme.)

I do understand why you're sensitive about it. We are working through a situation ATM involving a former live in child carer I am trying to think through how to deal with. So I sympathise but I think the context of the OPs post is different.

OVienna · 13/07/2018 13:53

Sorry - the situation involves her 'curated' online life and her role in our family. I am losing (some) sleep over it.

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