To think they made a mountain out of a molehill

[Sophisticatedsarcasm]

Backstory :
DS 10 has asd and is very interested in making his own videos etc and he posts them on you tube. He has many subscribers, actually has the most subscribers in his school. Some of the boys are Trying to get more subscribers but are failing miserably, my son started to help them but when they started doing football videos he wasn’t interested anymore and backed away. One of the boys wrote a comment on one of his videos which had all the vibes of jealousy. DS was showing some of his other friends this morning how pathetic (his words not mine) that boy was and his friends said he should report it to the the teachers, so que a 15min phone to my DP who didn’t even know about the comment, from the deputy head. She basically said he was too young to have a you tube account and that we should be checking what he does online. I do check every night when he’s gone to bed, which he doesn’t know about so he doesn’t try to hide anything, he always tells us anyway if he has a problem. We had a meeting on Tuesday with his senco who is an assistant head who was aware about his social media and iPad interactions and she never said anything.
I understand my DS brought it to their attention, however he was only talking about the comment. Surely it’s up to his parents wether he has an YouTube account, I don’t feel like chastising me for letting my son express himself in a non threatening way is at all on. I subscribe to his channel so I can see what he posts and am very much on top of all of his online activities and he doesn’t even try to hide. I understand they have a duty of care but in this day and age literally all of year 4,5,6 all have most of the social media outlets.
So AIBU

Do you have any odea how much time at school is spent sorting out petty squabbles and bulling on social media?

Your son chose to involve the teachers over the comments. Did you not expect the teachers to raise this with you?

literally all of year 4,5,6 all have most of the social media outlets literally isn't all , and no not literally all will have all the outlets. Some will. Some will have proactive parents and some will not.

YouTube has a published age of 13
www.net-aware.org.uk/networks/youtube/

So YABU. The deputy head was doing his/her due diligence in raising it with you. TBH it spoke volumes your dh didn't know what was going on.

in this day and age literally all of year 4,5,6 all have most of the social media outlets.

They really don’t.

Well the age limit is 13. At worst the school is being unrealistic but I think YABU to suggest they're wrong.

Yabu op. He brought it to their attention and they are correct, he is too young. YouTube is over 13 only. They set that rule themselves. Why don't you ask yourself why?

And why not tell him you're keeping tabs on him? I honestly would and I would tell him exactly why. The internet is a dangerous place and kids are not equipped in dealing with that alone.

My DH didn’t know purely because at the time me and my DS spoke about it and he was happy it was just stupid boys. I didn’t think he would go into school and show his teachers for his teacher to then call DP 😖 ( as I work somewhere with not much signal)
I hold my hands up that I may be unreasonable but not fully.

Your son shouldn’t be on youtube at ten. She is safeguarding. The arguments are coming in to school so it’s an issue.

Yabu imo, sorry.

Looking at it from the teacher’s perspective; a ten year old has a YouTube account when the age limit is 13. He helps other ten year old children set up similar accounts. There is a bit of jealousy and some name calling by your ds. I would think the school was completely negligent if they didn’t speak to you about it.

@blizzardagain
He knows now, and he never stops me from checking. He knows the rules we have set in terms of his usage and he usually tells me if someone is annoying him or being rude or horrible. I advise him to block them or report them and that’s it. I know you tube is for 13 years but everyone lies about thier age. We don’t have a problem with him having it. We’ve told him now that he’s to keep internet issues at home and If there cause to we will bring it up with the school.

Everyone does not lie about their age. What happens when it’s about driving or alcohol? Why is it ok to lie about one but not the other?
And not every child has any form of social media in KS 2.

Lots of parents will be trying to delay it and your ds is working against that.I can see why the teachers really aren’t keen. I wouldn’t be thrilled either.

If you are going to let him post videos at such a young age you should at least have comments disabled.

Okay mayb it is just DS school, I know most of them have you tube as DS follows a lot of them. He has friends in all of them years. Course people lie about thier age, especially for things like that. I know exactly what he’s doing online, which is more I can say for a lot of parents.

Sorry OP but you've now told your son not to discuss issues with the internet at school?? I think you're handling this quite badly. What if he feels like he can't come to you about something?

YABU. Social media is making an already difficult job ten times worse for teachers. Ten is far too young to be posting public videos anyone could see online. My eight year old would also like to be a YouTuber but I have told him no way, he’s far too young.

I just don’t feel the school need to know every bit of my business, I’m a fairy reserved person. I’m the one he comes to for everything. Me not anyone else. I meant to say anything to do with YouTube we will keep at home, because us and the school clearly disagree about it. Other internet stuff he can talk about but that’s the first time he ever brought internet issues to the attention of the school. Hopefully here will be no issues he will need to bring to thier attention as I’m on top of his activity.

I think the point is that as a parent you should not be allowing him to lie about his age.
Firstly there is an age limit because the internet can be very dangerous for children so it is unwise to allow him to have so muchaccess to sites he is too young for and secondly because you are teaching him that lying about his age is acceptable which can obviously lead to all kinds of trouble.
School has been totally reasonable, you are being far too laid back about the whole thing imo

I know the boy who wrote the comments so if it does escalate any further I will talk to his mum who I’m quite friendly with.
It all started because some of his other friends told him he should report it, he gets very anxious, so I can only assume the overwhelming peer pressure got to him and that’s why he showed them.

I just don’t feel the school need to know every bit of my business, I’m a fairy reserved person

Access to social media isn't just your business though op, it is a safeguarding issue. Your child's welfare trumps your desire to be reserved.

Everyone does not lie about their age. What happens when it’s about driving or alcohol? Why is it ok to lie about one but not the other?

Lying about your age about driving and alcohol is criminal. Whereas lying about your age to access a website is not.

The reason for the 13+ age range on Youtube and most social media sites is because their policy is informed by US law which makes it illegal for the company to collect and use data on under 13 year olds without particular protections in place - protections that they don't want to bother with. It has nothing to do with how suitable the websites are for children under 13.

I understand why schools will find social media use by students annoying when it comes intot he school and uses up precious resources. However, it sounds like the OP's DS is able to use social media appropriately and it's the boy who left the inappropriate comment whose parents should be asked to pay more attention to what is going on with his technology use.

His videos are all of gameplay, so no one knows what he looks like. There’s a famous YouTuber aged 8 who’s been doing videos for 2 years. I know he brought it to thei4 attention, it just ruffled my feathers because the deputy obviously doesnt know what going on in her own school as at least 90% of his year group and year 6 have you tube accounts, I listen to them all talking about making videos on the way home and not to mention my DS follows a lot of them.

OP why allow comments? Do you not think you should be protecting him from some of the nasty stuff he could be exposed to? I see some horrible comments underneath YouTube videos and you have no control over what somebody posts to your TEN year old. Why not just disable comments? He can still upload videos.

Your son involved this teacher, what do you expect the school to do? They can't ignore something like that.

YABVVVU to allow your primary school aged child to have a youtube account. And YABVU to moan about the school.

I honestly do not know any child in primary school with a social media account, the majority of year 4s are using kids YouTube. And all the year 5s & 6s are heavily heavily monitored, but none of them have their own accounts, I must know about 50 - 60 kids through various volunteering bits in those age groups and I can honestly say not a single one has YouTube accounts

I put my hands up to being unreasonable but it’s just she was acting like h3s the only 10year old with YouTube. I have disabled the comments now to stop anymore unwanted attention.

“I know exactly what he’s doing online”

This always makes me chuckle from the holy than thou parents. In short no you don’t... unless you WATCH him 24/7 when he’s on a computer.

Do you have filtering, or at the very least disabled incognito/browsing history options via group policy? If a pc does he have an admin account.... like most other clueless parents the answer to this is a vacant stare 🤓

What if your DS you tube is commented on by someone who’s patent you don’t know. Like someone pretending to be 10 but is really 25? At 10 years old is your DS really mature enough to sort the wheat from the chaff?

YABU. Your DS shouldn’t have an account and you are being neglectful to think that his teachers wouldn’t think it was a problem. It’s been brought into school so it clearly is a problem.