To think they made a mountain out of a molehill

[Sophisticatedsarcasm]

Backstory :
DS 10 has asd and is very interested in making his own videos etc and he posts them on you tube. He has many subscribers, actually has the most subscribers in his school. Some of the boys are Trying to get more subscribers but are failing miserably, my son started to help them but when they started doing football videos he wasn’t interested anymore and backed away. One of the boys wrote a comment on one of his videos which had all the vibes of jealousy. DS was showing some of his other friends this morning how pathetic (his words not mine) that boy was and his friends said he should report it to the the teachers, so que a 15min phone to my DP who didn’t even know about the comment, from the deputy head. She basically said he was too young to have a you tube account and that we should be checking what he does online. I do check every night when he’s gone to bed, which he doesn’t know about so he doesn’t try to hide anything, he always tells us anyway if he has a problem. We had a meeting on Tuesday with his senco who is an assistant head who was aware about his social media and iPad interactions and she never said anything.
I understand my DS brought it to their attention, however he was only talking about the comment. Surely it’s up to his parents wether he has an YouTube account, I don’t feel like chastising me for letting my son express himself in a non threatening way is at all on. I subscribe to his channel so I can see what he posts and am very much on top of all of his online activities and he doesn’t even try to hide. I understand they have a duty of care but in this day and age literally all of year 4,5,6 all have most of the social media outlets.
So AIBU

If you involve you child in underage activities if there are problems, autistic or no.

Eh?

Honestly, some of the comments on here are ridiculous. Firstly, it is not 'illegal' to have a YouTube account at 10. Secondly, as someone has already pointed out, the age restriction is a commercial one, taken by US-based companies, where it is illegal to collect data on, or advertise in certain ways to, children under 13. It has nothing to do with safety. Thirdly, if this child was a savant at piano, and had a spat with another child for rude comments made after one of his recitals, would your advice be "stop him playing the piano, love. It's too dangerous. People can be nasty and say all sorts of rude things to him."? No, thought not.

This is a disabled child who has found something that he loves, and is genuinely good at. FWIW, around 40% of the young people on my eldest's very well-regarded Computer Science course have support plans, mainly for ASD. As he gets older, his interests will become more focused. What's good about this game? Why is it easier to play than that game? How did they create that effect there? What would make this game better? Can I make a mod for that? Why did this game capture my interest, how is it being marketed? How can I get more people to look at my videos? All these questions lead to some very lucrative careers.

As the mother of daughters, I have a dog in this fight. Both my girls are disappointed at the small number of other girls on their courses. Girls are still not being encouraged by their parents to explore the digital world. There's a whole host of career opportunities out there, but girls aren't being encouraged from the beginning to see the digital/online space as 'theirs'. Both my girls could use a mouse well before they could walk or talk. That pincer movement with thumb and finger, at about 6 months, is enough to get them on the computer. Youngest's sideline is selling her digital artwork online. Eldest is already a Sole Trader, designing websites for European research projects. They are both gettin' paaaid. They are both undergraduates. Please stop this combination of Luddite-ism and paedo-terror. It is stunting children's, and particularly girls, growth.

arum

What you’re missing is how tedious it can be for school staff to have to unpick some of the arguments that spill over from social media into school.

Most of us have neither the time nor inclination to check if parents are behaving responsibly with their children’s internet use so it’s galling when an online spat between two 10-year-olds about social media becomes an issue in school.

10 year old (asd or not) is far too young to have his own YouTube account as you have been shown.

@SuburbanRhonda oh I completely get that, and said as much in my first comment on this thread. I vividly remember, as a social worker, some of the mindnumbing drama some of my kids got involved in! "Yes love, they were all waiting for you at the school gates this morning. But that's because you called them "nappy headed hoes" on FB last night. YOU accusing THEM of 'racist bullying' isn't flying right now"

However, galling as it may be to teachers and social workers, that's not a reason to stop kids from pursuing their interests. As I said, if this spat had originated from a piano recital, would you be recommending that the parent prevented the child from playing the piano?

One thing that concerns me about just checking his history every day and only just disabling comments after you got that advice here:

He could see some really disturbing shit on his own and you'd only know about it afterwards. There are some sick trolls out there who post gore or hard core porn images, or do trick links to those sorts of things. You can't unsee that stuff and it's disturbing for even the oldest and wisest of us. Pre-teens are particularly vulnerable to this form of attack.

It's great that he has a hobby and I think making gaming videos is a lovely way to spend free time. But it should be YOUR youtube channel he is uploading them to and you can lock the privacy down so there are no comments allowed/he can share the links to people he likes and trusts.

He should also not be unsupervised on the internet. You either go on together or you give him a locked off area of the internet which doesn't have social functions like comments or messages.

Snapchat, for example, is awesome fun and the filters are great but pre-teens are absolute little shits for taking it as a golden ticket to bully the living daylights out of each other with it. It needs to be YOUR snapchat and you play with it together.

I teach teenagers and a couple of them disclosed to me that they had seen ISIS murder videos and had trouble processing what they had seen. It's a fucking cesspit out there, OP. It's like sending a 10 year old out to play in a big city. (But a big city where instead of getting run over, you're shown disturbing videos.)

So, yeah, the issue at hand is probably blown out of proportion but your school is right to underline for you that he needs more supervision while he's at this tender stage of his development. You'll even be able to help model how to deal with negative social interaction with grace and poise while you are on the internet with him, rather than trying to be unobtrusive and firefighting issues that arise after the fact.

Mmmm. I think there's a real difference between comments about 'a piano recital' (real life) and comments on a 10 yr old's YT channel actually.

One is word of mouth - the other is up there -publicly - for any and all to see and comment on. Anyone can post anything on a YT channel - there's no blocking, and it is pretty difficult to remove comments. And despite what anyone claims - online comments hurt. As shown by this DS's response to a really quite mild comment.

Nobody’s talking about stopping children pursuing their interests, arum. We’re talking about sticking to the age limits so that children who don’t yet have the emotional maturity to deal with fallouts on social media aren’t encouraged to their time there.

And no need to @ me - I’m on the thread!

And despite what anyone claims - online comments hurt. As shown by this DS's response to a really quite mild comment.

So do real-life comments, and no one suggests the thing to do if someone gets called names at a real-life activity is to pull them from the activity as a matter of course. Children need to learn how to handle social interaction. That is as true online as it is in real-life and this is a great teaching moment.

I’m a bit confused as to why you felt the need to PM me correcting my post on page 1 op? I’m on the thread, you could have just posted here.

Your ds called the other boy pathetic I thought you said, which is why I mentioned name calling. Hope that helps.

e’re talking about sticking to the age limits so that children who don’t yet have the emotional maturity to deal with fallouts on social media aren’t encouraged to their time there.

The age limit on Youtube has nothing to do with children's emotional maturity. This is a mild spat, the like of which will have be seen many times on the playground every day. It's a good opportunity to talk to children about how to interact. It's not some out of control situation that needs a harsh response.

'DS 10 has asd and is very interested in making his own videos etc and he posts them on you tube. He has many subscribers, actually has the most subscribers in his school.'

Awful

BoomBoom - I disagree. Real life comments - frequently not even made to the person's face - more easily forgotten than something in writing on your actual account.

On line comments - well I think we all know people say things behind the anonymity and/or safety of a keyboard that they'd never say in real life, to a person's face.

SuburbanRhonda As previously mentioned, the age limits have nothing to do with maturity or safety. They are due to specific, American laws about data handling, there are no similar British laws. And yes, many posters on this thread are telling the OP that she should prevent her child from pursuing his interest, that she is parenting poorly by allowing him to do this in the first place. Most of the young people I have worked with were teenagers. At what age would you view children, or even adults, as having the emotional maturity to spend time on the internet? Personally, I feel that teaching internet safety is like teaching road safety. The earlier you do it, the less danger your child will be in.

Apologies for @ing you, I was unaware this was against etiquette here.

I didn't say there couldn't be differences between real-life and online comments, I said that real-life comments can hurt too and no one thinks the automatic response is to remove children from social situations. Indeed, avoiding social situations would be more likely to exacerbate problems. Children need to learn how to interact online and the way they really learn that is by being online and getting guidance when they need it.

Just clarify, yes he has snapchat however he literally has 5 people me, my sister, my brother, his other uncle and his best friend who lives across the road, they only use it to message or video call whilst playing PlayStation.

BoomBoom - OP was moaning about the Deputy Head providing such guidance to her DS - and informing the child's father that he was in need of said guidance.

He has snapchat and allowed on YouTube and he's 10??? You need to stop protesting at how much you know and he 'tells you everything' and start bloody parenting. He's too young. Social media can be bloody cruel. It causes suicide and teenage depression. You cannot be there 24/7. You need to stop him having so much free reign.

My point was that parents let their children watch YouTube that other children that aren't 13 are the star of. So it's slightly hypocritical to be judging a parent that lets her son make videos for YouTube when your own children watch those same videos

I do despair of a world, though, where 10yr olds are allowed YT channels, get upset by a comment "boi, you got no content" and complain to the school Deputy about it. I'm sure the Deputy has better things to do.

Then OP about moans about the Deputy informing the DS's father of the issue, and is somehow in the wrong I do think 10yr olds are too young to have their YT channel - and this issue demonstrates it.

Yes, arum, I’ve read the thread and the explanation about the age limits, thanks.

It just happens to also be true that younger children are less able to cope with the cut and thrust of social media such as snapchat, Facebook and the comments section of YouTube.

Apologies for @ing you, I was unaware this was against etiquette here.

It’s not against etiquette, you were using it wrongly. If someone is on the thread, they don’t need to receive an email to tell them someone has replied to their post.

DD is 12, DS is 11, they do not have social media of any kind and will ot until they are at least 13.

As I said to DD, if I let her have it now, a few months before her 13th birthday, a paedophile could, three years from now, decide he was going to have sex with her and claim that she has had FB for 3 year, therefore must be 16. She accepted this explanation, but even if she hadn't, she would not be getting it. I know a lot of he younger friends have it, as do friends of DS's, who are younger than him, but I am not their parent, I am my DCs parent and it is up to me to parent them, not care what other parents allow.

I wasn’t complaining she let my DP know I was complaining about the lecture. Which I’ve admitted I was being u.
True what sijjy says , how many of you are ridiculing me for my DS being allowed on YouTube when most of you probably have kids that watch videos by kids.... that’s hypocritical but I guess no one wants to think about like that.

how many of you are ridiculing me for my DS being allowed on YouTube when most of you probably have kids that watch videos by kids

No one is ridiculing you.

People are saying your DS is below the age limit for having his own YouTube account (and a Snapchat account, which you mentioned he also has).

It’s got nothing to do with watching videos on YouTube.

But that’s the point, saying he’s too young yet kids watch videos made my kids his age and some younger....but that’s okay..