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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think they made a mountain out of a molehill

123 replies

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 12/07/2018 18:41

Backstory :
DS 10 has asd and is very interested in making his own videos etc and he posts them on you tube. He has many subscribers, actually has the most subscribers in his school. Some of the boys are Trying to get more subscribers but are failing miserably, my son started to help them but when they started doing football videos he wasn’t interested anymore and backed away. One of the boys wrote a comment on one of his videos which had all the vibes of jealousy. DS was showing some of his other friends this morning how pathetic (his words not mine) that boy was and his friends said he should report it to the the teachers, so que a 15min phone to my DP who didn’t even know about the comment, from the deputy head. She basically said he was too young to have a you tube account and that we should be checking what he does online. I do check every night when he’s gone to bed, which he doesn’t know about so he doesn’t try to hide anything, he always tells us anyway if he has a problem. We had a meeting on Tuesday with his senco who is an assistant head who was aware about his social media and iPad interactions and she never said anything.
I understand my DS brought it to their attention, however he was only talking about the comment. Surely it’s up to his parents wether he has an YouTube account, I don’t feel like chastising me for letting my son express himself in a non threatening way is at all on. I subscribe to his channel so I can see what he posts and am very much on top of all of his online activities and he doesn’t even try to hide. I understand they have a duty of care but in this day and age literally all of year 4,5,6 all have most of the social media outlets.
So AIBU

OP posts:

Arum51 · 12/07/2018 20:42

OP, yes, both my kids had YouTube at this age, like your DS posting, gaming content. So did most of their friends. They are now adult women, with no ill effects. In fact both are at uni, one reading Computer Science and Multimedia, the other reading Digital Media and Marketing. The passion they formed at your son's age carried on and informed their degree choices.

And you sound to be monitoring his online activity far more than I ever did with my girls! Well done.

But yes, schools hate this stuff, with good reason. So ya(probably)bu to be annoyed about them contacting your husband

BoomBoomsCousin · 12/07/2018 20:43

then the fact he bought it to their attention means he didn't feel it was being dealt with and didn't feel contained/safe with this.

Or that, like many 10 year olds, he can be a bit rash and got pushed into it by friends.

The premise that because he told school about the comment it is automatically unreasonable for him to be on social media is ridiculous. If he'd told school that someone from his Saturday football club had said something awful at the weekend it wouldn't follow that he shouldn't be going to football. He might need a little direction on how to handle comments he doesn't like, but removing a whole activity because he is learning how to deal with people is counterproductive and poor parenting.

Givemeallyourcucumber · 12/07/2018 20:43

he gets very anxious, so I can only assume the overwhelming peer pressure got to him and that’s why he showed them.

He gets very anxious... Why the hell are you letting him perform like this over the internet? This is wrong on so many levels. Social media is harmful to the mentally stable let alone a TEN year old who gets 'very anxious'

God it makes my blood boil. Mumsnet is the only form of social media I use and sometimes I wonder why I bother. I think we are all better off without it.

Kleinzeit · 12/07/2018 20:47

I do sympathise, my own DS has an ASC and this kind of thing can be an absolute minefield. We want our kids to do what they enjoy and what gives them social contact if their interests and social activities are limited. An older child with more social savvy might have realised that going to the school about an illegal account wasn't a smart move, but that's exactly the kind of thing kids with ASCs struggle to navigate.

Surely it’s up to his parents wether he has an YouTube account,

Well no, the school can't turn a blind eye to an illegal social media account when he's told them that another child is using it to victimise him. From the school's point of view he was engaged in an illegal activity that has now brought harm to him, so they do have to warn you.

I’m the one he comes to for everything. Me not anyone else.

He's growing up and has taken his friends advice and gone to the school for help, which should be a positive step to independence, but because he's broken the age limit he's potentially in trouble instead. Don't tell the school "they all do it" as it could lead to a crackdown with your DS seen as a bad influence if he's helping other kids and drawing attention to himself. You'd do better with the "I do check his account very closely, oh silly me I didn't realise his age was a problem I'll do something about it" routine. And then find a way to let your DS quietly (and safely) carry on doing what he does.

ThanksForAllTheFish · 12/07/2018 20:47

I think at 10 having a YouTube channel is fine so long as the parents are on top of everything that’s being posted and extra vigilant about comments. Sadly a lot of parents have no clue and it’s those children that tend to leave nasty comments on videos.

My 8 year old has her own YouTube account (to view not to post) as I really don’t want my own YouTube account spammed with notifications that some squeaky voiced teenager is opening LOL doll/squishes/blind bags again. Her account is under an email set up by me and I check it daily, sometimes more than once a day. I look at her YouTube history in detail to check what she’s watching and commenting on. Any hint of her leaving nasty comments would result in loss of her YouTube account - by me.

YouTube is a platform I use daily and I am very well aware of the pros and cons and how it all works. Some parents can and do allow sensible use of YouTube for children.

The one worrying development by OP is the mention he has snapchat. That’s a big no for me as it’s far to hard to monitor. Children can send and see anything and you can’t check no matter how hard you try (well unless you are super good on computers and can access things that have been encrypted and basically ‘hack’ the account). Platforms such as snapchat will be on my no list for a very, very long time.

I think Schools in general are very anti social media, and I do get the concern, but really it’s the way life is progressing and most children will use some form of it sooner or later. 10 might be a bit young for some parents but fine for others. I think if you do allow it at the younger age then you really need to be quite tech savvy and check up on absolutely everything they are saying and doing online.

RabbitsAreTasty · 12/07/2018 20:48

I am struggling to see what you are upset about.

You let your son have a youtube channel when officially too young. You are happy with your choice. Fine.

Your son raised issues arising with it at school. School contacted you and pointed out that ten year olds should not have youtube channels. No sanctions were taken. You and son are free to continue as you were.

Are you a major people pleaser? Is that why this is a problem? Me, I would barely blink.

londonrach · 12/07/2018 20:49

What 10 year old has this. Im abit shocked. Yabu. He could vvv easier be hurt by this as shown by recent event and thats a safe thing compared to what could happen. Op use this event as a warning and parent ds and ban him having a social profile. Im sooo glad i grow up playing football in the streets and daming the streams.

catherinedevalois · 12/07/2018 20:51

Crikey no wonder it's hard for us in school to find the SLT for major issues if this is what they are dealing with. The only 'bullying' going on was your son calling another child pathetic, rallying support, showing others the comment and deciding to try and humiliate the child by going to the DH. Not even the class teacher! And as for your ds always coming to you, well, that's not true is it? Unfortunately the DH will have to make a mountain out of a molehill, logging it, following it up etc. Hopefully a lesson learned.

BoomBoomsCousin · 12/07/2018 20:53

This is false.

It's not illegal not to keep to a website's terms and conditions. There is no law banning children from having a YoutTube account. Stop making crap up.

Igorina · 12/07/2018 20:56

Talking over a game you are playing then posting it on Youtube is hardly performing.

It's a hobby and as long as it's carefully monitored is totally harmless.

Honestly, the absolute terror people feel about these things is mind-boggling.

This sort of over the top reaction is exactly why kids sneak around online which is much more dangerous than a monitored Youtube channel.

CambridgeAnaglypta · 12/07/2018 20:57

How many under age users of the likes of Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, GTA, Fortnite have??

Igorina · 12/07/2018 20:59

Exactly, Boom.

Illegal activity. :o

Dontknowwhatimdoing · 12/07/2018 21:02

he gets very anxious, so I can only assume the overwhelming peer pressure got to him
That is exactly why a 10 year old should not have a YouTube channel!

MsJudgemental · 12/07/2018 21:09

DS had YouTube, facebook, etc at about that age. They do all lie about their age, and as long as they are savvy and know they can talk to you if there are any issues it shouldn’t be a problem. DS started out making YouTube videos, has been a electronic dance music composer and producer since he was 13, has made money gaming online and is off to a Russell Group University to study Computer Science in September. OP, it sounds like your son has a talent. Continue to foster it and acknowledge and explain to him that the ASD is a positive in this respect and he will flourish.

brizzledrizzle · 12/07/2018 21:11

YABU to let him have a youtube account when he's not old enough and YABVU to label the other boys as 'stupid boys' just because you don't like what they are doing. As for snapchat

You know he's anxious so why let him on social media that he's not old enough for or emotional mature enough to handle?

Igorina · 12/07/2018 21:13

He shouldn't do something he is interested in because of the possibility of peer pressure and anxiety?

As the mother of an autistic child that would rule out countless activities which he enjoys/benefits from.

HeresMe · 12/07/2018 21:20

Not when he's below age to be on the service.

Autism has nothing to do with this font bring your agenda in.

Igorina · 12/07/2018 21:22

Oh, give over with your agenda crap.

ladyvimes · 12/07/2018 21:22

The fact that your 10 year old has a public YouTube channel is a safeguarding issue. The school have a duty of care. They did the right thing by phoning you and ensuring you were aware and it will have been logged in the school’s safeguarding file. YABU to allow your 10 year old to have a public YouTube channel regardless of the fact that others his age might also have one.

sijjy · 12/07/2018 21:26

My son has a YouTube account. He is 12. His started as game playing and so on. But now it's mainly scooters. He shows off all his tricks he's learned. He was very open in yr 6 and maybe year 5 about it with his teachers. They've even had a look
At his videos. ( he does all his own editing and stuff) one teacher asked for his autograph for when he's YouTube famous. Which he absolutely loved. As long as you are watching what he's doing and he understands the rules and consequences I don't see a problem with it.

SuburbanRhonda · 12/07/2018 21:26

Loving the way the OP criticises the behaviour of other children and then justifies her own child having a YouTube account and a Snapchat account below the age limit by saying “everyone else is doing it”.

So hypocritical.

sijjy · 12/07/2018 21:27

Plus I find all this a little hypocritical. Do none of the parents on here let their kids watch toysandme on YouTube?

HeresMe · 12/07/2018 21:30

Oh, give over with your agenda crap.

If you involve you child in underage activities if there are problems, autistic or no.

The limits are there for a reason.

BrieAndChilli · 12/07/2018 21:31

I have a year 5 and a year 6 and it’s only the last 6 months the year 6’s have got phones. None of them have social media as far as I’m aware and I know most of the mums and we have a Facebook page where we do discuss things like that eg we all chatted about when we were getting them phones etc.

SuburbanRhonda · 12/07/2018 21:35

Do none of the parents on here let their kids watch toysandme on YouTube?

This isn’t about watching videos on YouTube.

This is about having your own account, where you post your own videos, and people who view them can comment on them.

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