Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?

[southatsea]

I have a lodger but he has complained that my rules are too strict. So looking to canvas opinion on them!

No loud music or loud TV after 10pm
No smoking
Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms.

Do these sound too harsh? His room is well furnished with a sofa, double bed, tv etc and I charge below market rent.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

To those saying its bossy /controlling.... They're a lodger... Not tenant. Those rules, save the bathroom time are just those what a normal functioning adult would do.

I've lived with people in the past who would consistently nd insistently break these rules.... They were a real laugh to live with I tell you.... Numerous ONS /noisy guests at 2am on weekdays/ no crockery left in the kitchen as its all in their bedroom etc

[picklepost]

*You really shouldn’t keep a chopping board for ‘many many years’

Where did you get this information? There was a belief for some years that plastic was best but I thought it was now accepted that was a myth and that wooden chopping boards were considered very hygienic.

[juneau]

No YANBU - it's your house and he's a lodger not a housemate. If he wants to have an equal say and complete freedom to do as he wants when he wants he should get his own place and not live in someone's spare room.

[picklepost]

Anyway, I think the rules are fine. Anyone who even imagines it's ok to eat in their bedroom, never mind harbour crockery and cutlery up there - is grim.

[dailygrowl]

Sounds reasonable, although for the last one I would probably have said "no food in the bedroom" - I agree it's appalling to have to find out your grown-up lodger thinks it's ok to leave food or crockery lying around in their room [expecting an invisible entourage of butlers to clear them up]!

[dailygrowl]

Crunchymint sounds like she/he only ever lives somewhere with full time servants/butlers (or a parent/spouse/partner that she/he treated like one). If you normally live with those rules, it's not insulting or an inconvenience to have them.

[Anniegetyourgun]

I really, really don't understand why several people have a problem with having what sounds like a minimal bathroom rota. She's carved out 15 minutes for herself whilst he has unregulated access to the bathroom for the other 23 hours and 45 minutes. It's a working household; OP needs a decent night's sleep and a guaranteed shower in the morning. She's not just sitting on her arse letting the rent roll in.

I also think there really has to be a rule about not just randomly bringing people home for overnight stays. Hopefully the landlady isn't unnecessarily strict, but if there is no rule she might end up with, effectively, two lodgers for the price of one! She might also end up with some quite unpleasant visitors who aren't bothered about sticking to the rules because it's not their lodgings. After all, she's the one who has to clean the toilet after they've gone...

[RatherBeRiding]

A lodger is not the same as a house-share. In the latter you are both or all NOT the home-owner but all renting together from a landlord.

In this case, you are the homeowner/resident landlord and as such are perfectly entitled to impose house rules.

I don't think those rules are at all unreasonable - common courtesy really on the part of the lodger. Unfortunately some lodgers do treat the place as a hostel rather than someone's home. Which they are not sharing - they are renting the use of a room and specified areas. For some lodging arrangements that means exclusive use of their bedroom, shared use of bathroom and kitchen only.

[squiglet111]

They sound fine. If there weren't rules and he did any of those things then it would slowly grate on you and you'd want him out.

What rule does he not like? Maybe you could come to a compromise?

[squiglet111]

Sorry should have read the rest of your posts.

Yeah definitely no wiggle room. As it's your place you should have first dibs on shower. Also, not fair to hoard all plates in his room. He just needs to get used to it. If he doesn't like it he can leave

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

Why aren't they house rules? For example, there could be a house rule of no loud music or TV after 10pm for anyone and that anyone bringing friends or fuckbuddies over to stay needs to notify the other. For example, I'd be freaked going for a midnight wee to find my landlady's latest squeeze in the bathroom.

[TheVanguardSix]

Totally reasonable.

Yes, as mentioned before, it is stating the bleeding obvious. But if you don't state the bleeding obvious, people take the piss. There are more piss takers than there are weight pullers in the lodging world.

Your rules aren't strict at all. Stick to them! The fact that he's actually complained is peculiar.

[GeekyBlinders]

If you want to have an equal say in house rules, you get a room in a house share, and share all privileges and responsibilities (eg bill paying, cleaning, light bulb changing etc). If you want a cheaper place to stay with someone else (the owner) doing the cleaning and looking after the house, then you have to live by the house rules, and it you don't like the house rules, you find somewhere else to live.

[clippityclock]

Sound perfectly reasonable to me. Unfortunately some people take the piss and are really rather selfish and don't think about others. It is far better to have written rules than spend time seething about something and creating an atmosphere.

My first lodger was with me for 6 years, we worked out the best bathroom times for us. No smoking in the house and although I didn't mind guests, I expected to be asked and there was to be no ONS. I might have had friends staying and not want strangers in the house at the same time. I also have a child so its a definite no no to ONS.

I'm not sure the people complaining on here have ever been a lodger or had lodgers. Some lodgers are only allowed in their bedrooms, the bathroom and kitchen. So these rules are not as strict as that.

My second lodger took the piss and I threw him out after 4 months. I most certainly will be having similar written rules once I'm able to have a lodger again to avoid the hassle I have recently gone through. If its written down before they decide to stay it helps remove the conversations 'could you please wash up after yourself' etc.

[Imchlibob]

I think they are mostly reasonable.

I would change the guests rule to "please notify me 24 hours in advance of any overnight guest. I get to veto any specific guest in future if they make it unpleasant for me to be in my home in any way. I get to veto if overnight guests are getting too frequent."

I wouldn't have a lodger or be a lodger where there was only one bathroom. One time I was a lodger with a shared bathroom where the first thing the landlady was doing with my rent was putting an en suite into her bedroom so it was only a few weeks and that was stressful enough. Could you consider an en suite? The bathroom rule is a bit absolute and draconian. More reasonable to say that use of bathroom must be considerate and especially mindful of the fact that you need to leave for work at 7:15 (or whatever) so must have exclusive use for 15 mins at some point between 6:30 and 7:00.

[Maelstrop]

Totally normal rules, we have this in our house and no lodgers! Of course he shouldn't hoard plates and smoke! I completely agree re no loud noise after 10, presumably you have neighbours who will still be there when he's gone. It's not his home, he lodges. If he wants a home, he needs to rent or buy one.

[SuitedandBooted]

Totally reasonable. They are all just basic courtesy and common sense.

A lodger is NOT a co-tenant, it's YOUR house. You are entitled to wake up in the morning, and not find random strangers in your kitchen. There are enough threads on here where someones flatmate have virtually moved in their girlfriends/boyfriends (and people always say "wasn't this discussed/what are the rules?") Having rules in place to stop this is very sensible.

The bathroom/crockery/noise/smoking ones are all just basic manners. Sadly, those seem to be lacking in lots of people!

If he doesn't like it , find someone who does.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

I think they are reasonable rules. Although I can’t work out whether notifying if friends are staying is.

[Bibesia]

The rules are reasonable and fair and he knew them before moving in.

Did he? The cups and plates one sounds new - are the others? If he came in on the understanding of a different set of rules, it's not unreasonable for him to object to the goalposts being moved.

I get why you don't want things festering for days, but if he has a cup of tea last thing at night does he really have to bring the cup down and wash it?

But ultimately with a lodging arrangement the power lies in your hands. If you don't want him as a lodger, it's easy enough to terminate the agreement.

[Branleuse]

Is he forced to live there?
No?

[larrygrylls]

Some people are super relaxed, some are not. It is your house and you are entitled to have whatever rules you want. No one is forced to be your lodger.

To me they seem eminently reasonable (maybe apart from the bathroom one) and suitable for people who need to get up for work.

[Anniegetyourgun]

Heh, I've just remembered that XH took a lodger when the last of the DC moved into my place permanently. There were many issues about mess, dirty crockery, random visitors and lack of personal boundaries - but all on the landlord's side! Poor lodger lasted slightly less than a month.

[Mumminmum]

YANBU. If I had to have lodgers, I wouldn't get people who smoked at all. Not only do they stink, but they make the sofa stink by sitting in it for 5 bloody minutes. And I think a lot of other posters didn't notice you wrote "friends to stay", not "friends over for a visit". "To stay" means to stay overnight and possibly OP would then be "entertained" with sounds of sex or loud conversations until a couple of hours after bedtime.
I am a bit surprised at the posters saying that these rules are too harsh and that they wouldn't want to be your lodger. I am thinking that very few landlords would like to have lodgers who couldn't/wouldn't follow those very basic rules.

[emmyrose2000]

YANBU

[Lweji]

YANBU

Tell him he's welcome to move out, as there'll be other people who are happy with those basic rules of living with another person in their home.