Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?

[southatsea]

I have a lodger but he has complained that my rules are too strict. So looking to canvas opinion on them!

No loud music or loud TV after 10pm
No smoking
Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms.

Do these sound too harsh? His room is well furnished with a sofa, double bed, tv etc and I charge below market rent.

Sounds perfectly acceptable to me. If he doesn't like it, he cam move out!

Yup, (sensible) house-shares often work out a bathroom roster

The no-friends-without-permission rule is completely normal. This is OP's home—would you like random strangers traipsing through your home without any prior notice and without even knowing their names?

I'm cutting and pasting those rules and giving them to DP....

Sounds like common courtesy to me

I think those are reasonable. TBH, apart from not using the bathroom between 6.45 and 7 I'd expect adults to generally stick to those rules out of consideration.

You sound like a control freak

They sound reasonable

I've been a lodger a few times and it was LL who were weird and controlling.

The strangest was the woman hiding in my closet and filming me with my own video camera.

That list sounds like a list for a teen. It'd probably be better to find someone you are more compatible with.

He is a lodger - not a tenant. It's a different legal category. He shares your home, it is not his home.

If you were upfront about the rules re guests and smoking in advance of his moving in, then he knew what the rules were and can't complain.

No noise after 10 and not leaving food and cutlery in his room don't need to be stated usually - it's just reasonable behaviour.

Tell him he can leave and find somewhere where he can smoke and make noise as much as he wants.

I don't require permission for overnight guests but I do say it has to be limited to three nights a week maximum.

These rules seem perfectly reasonable to me!

I can't believe that a grown man is kicking off about not being allowed to keep dirty crockery in his bedroom.

Maybe you need a new lodger?

I don't think they're unreasonable per se but it doesn't sound like they would lead to a relaxed and welcoming environment. As a list it's a bit domineering - like rules you'd impose on a teenager rather than an adult.

I dunno, sounds like you want the money but don’t really want the lodger. So you’re setting rules that mean they basically keep out of sight and don’t disrupt anything in your life or create any extra mess or work.

It’s your right to set those rules. But I’m not sure many adults will go for it long term.

Reasonable imo.

The friends rule is fine if you allow him the same courtesy when your friends come to stay. The plates rule would piss me right off. Even if the premise is reasonable the rule is infantilising.

I don't think they unreasonable. Most families have similar rules do they live harmoniously although I do fail miserably with the plates and cups upstairs

The rules are perfectly fine.

As a lodger you get certain advantages- no tenancy agreement, no commitment, no agency fees, lower rent.

You also have some limitations - it's not a 50/50 shared home. That means limitations on guests and noise and the rest.

People who want to choose their own living arrangements need to take the responsibility of a tenancy of their own.

Sounds reasonable to me but I wouldn't give as list of rules but would point out as and if needed.

Hmm. If you feel the need to state these rules then there is something already wrong imo. Apart from the bathroom one, I think it sounds ott to be bagsying bathroom rights in a written rule. A conversation and verbal agreement is surely better?

You still havent answered why you are charging below market rent. I suspect you aren't, but are charging below a room in a flatshare rate, which is fair since this is clearly not a flatshare.

I have a lodger, OP and I haven't needed to make any 'house rules' - she (for yes, she is a woman!) doesn't have the TV on loud after 10, she has her own crockery and cutlery and she cleans up after herself (more than I do) and we have an unofficial rota for the shower.

She does have her boyfriend to stay every other weekend, and goes to his place other weekends.

None of your 'rules' seem unreasonable in the slightest. Most adults should be cleaning up after themselves, and when there are more people than showers, it makes sense to have a chat about timings.
The 'friends over' - do they impact you? Sleep on your sofa? or on his floor? If it's in your space, then yes, a quick request is reasonable. If it's in his space, then no, not really. Unless friend is hogging the shower or using more hot water/electric/food than you like.

There is nothing wrong with those rules. I don’t get what’s so objectionable? I don’t get why anyone would want to smell smoke in their own home, or listen to someone else’s music past a reasonable hour. He’s not a tennant, he’s a lodger. If he doesn’t like it find someone else.

Don't most people who share have some sort of schedule for bathroom use in the morning do everyone has a known slot to get ready in? I do with my other half, barring someone desperate for a wee.

Totally fair. If he doesn't like them he can find new digs. In a working household you can't have one person playing music/loud telly till the small hours. You're not saying lights out, you're saying headphones!

Literally, your house your rules.

What happens if he has diarrhoea 6.53am?

This is why I miss my Dad. He was the perfect housemate, made coffee for me, gave my (then) baby his morning bottle, did dishes and hoovering/tidying unasked, always shared his beers and we shared awesome taste in films ... Any chance you could move your Dad in op?