Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?

[southatsea]

I have a lodger but he has complained that my rules are too strict. So looking to canvas opinion on them!

No loud music or loud TV after 10pm
No smoking
Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms.

Do these sound too harsh? His room is well furnished with a sofa, double bed, tv etc and I charge below market rent.

Glad I don't rent from you. It wouldn't feel like a home for a lodger. I suspect he will move out if he can find somewhere else.

You do all the cleaning? Does that include his room?

Not too strict at all. I could easily abide by those rules! But I don't smoke, listen to music, get up between 6.45 -7.00 or eat in bedrooms!

I don't get it either - I mean No loud music or loud TV after 10pm - is completely normal
No smoking - ditto. No smoking in my house either!

Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay - again, what's te problem? He asks, you consider. If you say no, there has to be a good reason.
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work) - it's 15 minutes. Is there another toilet?
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms. - yes, even my kids have this rule. An adult should know this.

Those saying 'it sounds like a list of rules for 13yo' - well, this adult obviously didn't get these 'rules' when he was 13, otherwise he would be a fully-functioning adult who does his own mess-cleaning.

I lodged for 3 years & the rules sound perfectly reasonable to me, especially since the OP only introduced the hoarding one when it became necessary.

As I understand it she's not saying that he can't smoke at all, just not inside? And that he needs to ask to have friends stay over but not necessarily if they're just visiting during the day.

crunchymint - why? Do you like to scatter your dirty plates round your room? Smoke in someone's house? Shower when someone else needs it to get ready for work? Why is it tooooo much for you?

I think those guidelines sound reasonable. If I was a lodger I’d be grateful for some clear ‘ground rules’, whether or not they felt a bit bossy. Otherwise you risk endless niggles as you go along, making living together tense and difficult.

The only rule I think too strict is the permission to have friends over one. I think he should be allowed to have friends over without asking, but they should all be considerate and not make too much noise or mess. If they are inconsiderate I would then either make stricter rules or ask him to leave. But most people I would accept as a lodger would be considerate in that way.
The other rules I think are fair enough and shouldn't be a problem for him to follow.

I think it all sounds fine. It's your house OP. You expect when choosing to lodge in someone else's house over buying or renting a place, that that there will be some rules which may mildly inconvenience you.

Sounds reasonable to me. It’s your home and it’s a lodging agreement not a houshare.

Excited0803

You really shouldn’t keep a chopping board for ‘many many years’
They harbour all sorts of bacteria especially if they are wooden
Treat yourself a new one hey?!

I think prior discussion before having people to stay overnight is reasonable, the OP has the right to know who's in her house.

But one of my (many) incentives for getting out & finding a flat was when my landlady kicked off about two friends popping in & having a coffee with me in my room before we went out. That felt like a step too far.

Your house your roolz hun innit?

Reasonable apart from bathroom timing rules.

You really shouldn’t keep a chopping board for ‘many many years’
They harbour all sorts of bacteria especially if they are wooden

Do they, @notthatwomanagain?????

I don’t agree with Marscarpone and a few other posters. You are Verizon much sharing your home - many lodgers are not allowed in the living room. It sounds as if this guy needed the rules spelt very clearly out to him. As an adult in my mid 40’s I’d find it having them spelt out in this way a bit insulting as I know how to run a home. I’d rather be told “this is what I’m thinking” “ would you be this and that” etc. But I’m not in the position to need to rent a room.

YANBU. Lodgers do not have a shared tenancy.

Which rules specifically has he complained about?

If he's already hoarding plates in his room (who does that??) and you've clashed over bathrooms times, they seem reasonable!! (It's NOT unreasonable to book the bathroom for 15 mins in the morning.)

If he wants complete freedom in his home, he needs to buy his own house/rent a place.

HOw old is he??

your house - your rules. They seem perfectly normal for a lodger tbf.
Also, blurgh that you had to tell a grown man to bring plates down and not hoard them in his room.

They seem like reasonable expectations for a house share but things that really should just arise out of common courtesy. He probably feels like a child being told, but the fact that you feel they need to be stated as 'rules' suggests he'd be an unsuitable flatmate without them...

It is what it is, things like asking your permission as opposed to saying give you notice, is all a bit controlling and not respecting this is an adult and their home too, your house, but their home.

I'd not live with you, but if he knew and signed up for it, then he either continues with it, or leaves. It's his call.

I’ve had lodgers and some people really can take the piss if you don’t have ground rules. It’s easier to have rules upfront than to try and tell them when things crop up. Not everyone is reasonable. If you’re a non smoker, you really don’t want people smoking in your house, it stinks the place out. Loud music isn’t great when you’re trying to sleep although a considerate person should know this without being told (she didn’t say no music at all). From looking at mn some lodgers bring in complete strangers (to them) overnight who then cause trouble. As this is a security issue for the OP, it’s fair enough not to allow this. A house share would be different. And why is it unreasonable not to leave dirty crockery in your room?

Maybe it sounds like a list you’d give to your teenager because most adults should know not to do these things. As this one is railing against it, he’s clearly not one of them. It might be easier to get someone else OP.

Yanbu. He knew the rules (which are mostly basic common courtesy anyway) so can’t complain.

www.news.com.au/lifestyle/home/interiors/chopping-boards-hold-200-times-more-dangerous-bacteria-than-a-toilet-seat/news-story/dd1b58bc2fadb25f331c8bf22962f826

Your rules sound very fair to me.
A lot of people are saying that the plate and cup one is unreasonable on this thread. Personally if he's happy to live in such squalor and has to have it pointed out to him that they shouldn't be left in his room he should be ashamed. It's pretty gross sleeping amongst smelly plates especially in this heat.