To deal with this myself

[allergicProblem]

Backstory is that I was accused of making up allergies and went through hell. It was like Chinese whispers and all involved seemed to be incapable of actually checking properly which would have shown I wasnt lying

Anyway.......my youngest clearly has an allergy but because of what happened I feel like just dealing with it myself. Ordering him a special milk and food, avoiding what he reacts to , I have Epi pens etc anyway so it’s just easier.
My dm says I’m being ridiculous but after what happened nothing would surprise me as it was a total muck up from start to finished
AIBU to just deal with this without any nhs input

I hear you.As someone with allergies and intolerances and used to people belittling them or pretending they're not real, they really are.
Avoid trigger foods, sure. Never use a prescribed epi pen for someone else though, that's asking for trouble.
They're prescription for a reason and you can't just decide you need one,and even if you did it would be prescribed under your name.

Are you saying you are self diagnosing and treating your child. Omg I hope nothing goes wrong because if it does you will be pulled over the coals. The charges down the cop shop would be endless.
Seriously? It's unbelievable how irresponsible this is

I'm so sorry you've had that experience - a friend of mine's relative had similar and it was terrifying. Not around allergies, but around other issues that were labelled by ONE doctor as "fabricated illness" which then apparently invalidated all previous doctors' actual diagnoses, despite the baby having been treated proactively at top London hospitals. Nasty situation.

However, IF you give your baby an epipen and it goes wrong, you will be in far worse condition than if you take him to be tested now - you can NOT do that.

You must take all your older child's paperwork with you to the GP, a different one if necessary, explain the family history and the reactions you have seen, and get him diagnosed through the NHS. I agree that private testing is not the right way to go as the NHS won't have any record of it and may not agree with its validity.

Also, the nurse who disclaimed any knowledge of your previous paperwork - did you talk to the GP Practice about that? Not necessarily as a complaint, although it would be valid, but her response started the cascade of you being disbelieved and therefore a lot of what happened to you could be laid at her door.
Did you ever find out who reported you in the first place? Was it a family member?

But you MUST MUST MUST get your baby diagnosed before you attempt to give an epipen, you really must. Giving him an epipen NOT prescribed for him is assault, even if it's lifesaving.

Go back to the doctor. Please.

I still have no idea where it all originated. I had a lot of questions but couldn’t get many answers
Yes I’ve cut out dairy and yes it was definitely milk that caused the reaction. I’m just really damaged by the accusations and scared of seeking help for anything now really as the way things were twisted was horrendous I really struggled as I had proof and nobody was listening.
I’m going to look into private testing and will think about whether I see the gp and take somebody along with me as suggested.
I did complain to the gp they apologised properly to me about the mistakes made and said they had missed the letters and had rectified this once they were aware and how sorry they were but they can’t take away the worry it caused and I’m really anxious now as I was spoken to like I was harming my child. I was so affected and feel like I’ve lost all confidence now they were down on me like a ton of bricks and I never in a million years expected this sort of thing could happen you thibkna mistake could be easily cleared up if you have proof, wrong. It dragged in and was upsetting.
I’m going to have a long long hard think. I don’t want to do the wrong thing I really don’t but I almost feel traumatised it was so much to deal with but I am also aware reading all these response and knowing myself i need to donwnats right and get a proper diagnosis but after being accused like that it’s so hard to trust again

It seems to me that, if your GP Practice took responsibility and apologised for the problems that their error caused, then they should be aware that you did do the right thing the first time and you would be doing the right thing this time too. But I know you've said you've changed practice, so I don't suppose that's a very helpful observation of mine!

However, it might be worth getting in touch with your original GP again, if possible, to ask them how best to proceed given what happened last time.

Last time the GP made a mistake so SS became involved.

This time you would be taking matters into your own hands. If SS became involved in this instance they would re-question the former incident.

You sound in real need of help though after what you went through. How about liaising with a Family Support Worker or an agency who will allocate somebody to be with you during the appointments? That would also show SS that you are being pro-active.

Awful as your previous experience was, you need to keep at the forefront of your mind the fact that all concerned admitted they were wrong in the end and apologised. So you have been fully vindicated as someone who doesn't make up her child's problems.

However, if you start sorting out your own medication and avoiding your GP, you will simply cause all those question marks to arise again. If your child were to have a major reaction to something, how could you possibly explain that you'd never sought medical help and had been using an epipen prescribed for another child? Whereas last time you knew that the facts were on your side, this time round they wouldn't be. Please get this sorted out, for your child's sake.

You did the right thing getting a proper diagnosis and care plan for your first child. You need to do the same for your youngest too. Those who accused you must have finally recognised the original allergies were medically recognised and your GP’s surgery know they made a mistake and will be more careful. So the process for your youngest should be easier, not harder.

You refer to 'they/them'. You also say your child had test results on record. I suggest you change your gp immediately as you seem dissatisfied. If you have acquired the diagnostic expertise you claim then you will be aware of the immense dangers of trying to deal with this without involving medical help. If you persist with that approach you will inevitably and quite rightly be visited by social services again.

Op dont be ridiculous. Get that child medical help. Youre puting your own image as a mother and stigma of ss involvement over your childs health. And get some help for yourself as you dont sound well.

Ou dont get a protection plan out of nowhere there is more to the story. Dont just self diagnose ffs. You are not a doctor!!

If you use an epipen on this child, you know you’d have to take them to hospital (it’s not a cure for the reaction and recipients need monitoring) - you’re guaranteed to have issues in this chain of events as you haven’t sought medical help and have used serious drugs that weren’t prescribed for him. You absolutely must get this done officially.

Also not giving a BABY dairy, you are bf now but not eating dairy yourself? Or are you just not giving him dairy directly? If you're having dairy and he's not reacting it's unlikely to be dairy, if it was a commercial baby product you fed him it could be any number of things!

This is not true. Not all babies with dairy allergies react to dairy passed through breast milk. Mine only reacted slightly to breast milk when I’d eaten dairy (didn’t know what it was then) but much more severely when they had it directly.

I think you're mixing up the reactions of different professions - not unreasonably considering how stressful it all must have been.

It sounds as though the medical profession always accepted that your older son had allergies and did all of the necessary testing, paperwork, etc but one mistake was made in response to an enquiry from SW - which they have apologised for.

SW on the basis of an unknown referral and the inaccurate response from the GP's surgery insisted on doing further investigation, and their approach is really what caused all of the issues.

SW won't be involved if you go to GP now for your younger son. And actually since you don't know where the original referral came from (and it could have been a random busybody that is still in your life) the approach you're talking about taking now is much more likely to result in real SW involvement if another referral was ever made.

You need to take your son to the GP/Health Visitor and go through full process for him to ensure he gets the right care.

If what happened last time is still upsetting you then I would suggest going to see Citizens Advice (or your local councillor) for advice on how to check what information the NHS and SW currently hold on you and how you can get anything inaccurate removed.

Do NOT consider using existing anaphylactic treatment if your child has the allergies you suspect. It would be incredibly risky!

Change doctors, hospitals etc but don't do that.

OP I can feel your distress but you know that it is making you act illogically.
See your GP, ideally with someone else, explain your baby's reaction and that your other DC has allergies and you will get the help you need.i don't recommend private testing unless you have a consultant ( who also has an nhs practice) organise it for you.
At the end of the day a ss investigation was carried out on your first child to ensure your child's welfare. We don't fully understand how it was instigated but you were vindicated and apologies were made. It is part of child protection that some things are looked into. SS are acting for children and are not the enemy. If you don't put this child first and act in their interests ( and the only sensible way to do that is to make a GP appointment) you may end up with another investigation, I'm sorry if that seems harsh but it would be self inflicted and in your baby's best interests.
Please talk to your HV about how you are feeling as there may be some PND colouring your thoughts here. Best of luck

'Not all babies with dairy allergies react to dairy passed through breast milk. Mine only reacted slightly to breast milk when I’d eaten dairy (didn’t know what it was then) but much more severely when they had it directly.'

The opposite can also be the case, at least transitorily. My youngest developed allergic colitis at about 4 months. It got better when I cut out dairy (ebf). Probiotics also helped. When I started her on dairy during introduction of solids, she was fine.

OP. Get together every shred of documentation you have. Put it in a sensible order. Make copies. If you can, call consultants who saw your older child and explain the situation and ask if you can call on them to provide evidence if need be. Go and see your GP (book a double appointment). Take someone with you if it feels better to. Explain at the beginning of the appointment that you are going to need to explain a complicated backstory and ask them to hear it to the end as it is all relevant (IME some medical professionals have a bit of a tendency to interrupt when having backstory explained to them). Explain in logical order. Present the copies of the documentation. Then explain the symptoms you are seeing with your younger child and that you are afraid of a repeat. If the response is anything other than supportive and focused on your younger child's needs, get in touch with the consultant/s. Consider seeing them privately.

It honestly sounds as though someone made an accusation and purely due to an admin error, you had to be investigated and because it felt so intrusive you have anxiety about being investigated again.

But you absolutely need to get your child involved. Piriton should only be given under a year when prescribed. If your child has a problem after being given piriton that's not prescribed it will look a lot worse than going to the GP. You are obviously very scared but if your child is getting hives it is likely to be an IGE reaction. When your child eventually starts school or nursery or anything like that they will only administer prescribed meds. You absolutely need to go through a dr

I feel like I’m depressed because of what happened but too scared to ask for help with that either. It was totally terrifying.
I’m scared to do the wrong thing by my baby too.
Previously I was happy and we needed help so asked and allergies diagnosed dealt with etc wasnt actully a big deal at all then suddenly ss made it a massive issue and it’s really been damaging
I will try and make an appt to see somebody but I am v v anxious now

Yes it was v intrusive and kept in being so even after I’d provided proof numerous times it got to the point I just wasn’t being listened to
Even proof i always ask school about cooking and send in stuff so he can join in they were still saying I was not I then had to find and print emails
Your right though I need to see the dr. I’m just scared still after it all

Definitely go to the doctor, let them know not just about the baby but also the effect of their mistake has had and you need their support.

OP,
Do you have a partner or husband? Surely he has some input and can help.

I completely understand why you are angry and upset over what happened but it seems like you are not handling it well at all.

Your reaction seems disproportionate and not rational. I don't know if it's because of depression or whatever but it sounds like you might benefit from some help. Even the way you are answering the posts in this thread seems a little all over the place.

It would be irresponsible if you not to take you child to the doctors and I hope you realise this now. I think every single poster has said the same thing.

OP are you in/on any allergy support groups? There are Facebook and online groups for CMPA etc and I’m sure you would find lots of understanding there and support for your understandable anxiety.

While most posts here are measured, some aren’t. You may find the Mumsnet health boards a more constructive place than AIBU.

@Graphista Freedom of Speech is a term from the American constitution (1st amendment). UK has nothing equivalent (Magna Carta didn’t prioritise it in 1215). The only legislation we currently have is the European Convention of Human Rights, but this may only be for a little while longer.

As others said, please do not give your child an epi pen without medical approval. Please do not do this.

If you're concerned your child had an allergy go back to the doctors and have them tested.

It seems there was an error and they felt you were potentially making up illnesses about your child. By staring to self diagnose and medicate you will lose your children as you're confirming their beliefs. Go through the proper channels.

My husband was kept in the dark totally. It was all directed to me. He actually said numerous times why was nobody speaking to him or listening to him and he had been the one often going to appts about the allergies as we both do medical appts depending on who is busy but it was all totally aimed at me they didn’t want his input and 99% of the cp investigation was aimed at me. He only had to attend one meeting rest of the time they wanted me and children to be seen and to do various activities as well as formal interviews and checking the house speaking to children alone. They really seemed to not be interested in my husbands views at all.
I have called the gp and have an appt ins couple of weeks I’m going to ask someone to go with me for support as I’m v anxious