To wonder if it’s cheeky fuckery to ask to bring baby?

[IncyWincyMouseRat]

Friend from work is having a birthday meal about a month after my due date, being organised by some other colleagues. It’s possible I’ll have a six week old baby but also entirely possible I’ll have a two week old baby.

Was IBU to ask if baby would be welcome (if all was well)? I said it was absolutely fine if not (as I totally understand that it opens up the floodgates to anyone dropping in the old ‘I could get childcare’ excuse and the place being overrun with toddlers) and I didn’t want to detract from the special event.

What is the normal etiquette for stuff like this? I have no idea!

Simply ask if children are invited, they probably aren’t but no harm in asking.

It would be reasonable and acceptable in my social circle, most people don't want to leave their two week old, and 'babes in arms' are no bother, it's toddlers that cause havoc

Say "I'd love to come but won't be able to leave the baby"
She'll either say "bring the baby" or "shame, we'll miss you"

I think you might be a CF to bring a baby without asking, but you weren't a CF to ask.

If it was me I would have no problem with a newborn being there. But I wouldn’t tell all the other attendees or they will be hauling their 4 years olds along if they do let you bring your baby, tell no-one that you’re doing it!

Watch The Letdown on Netflix. It’s a brilliant series anyway and is a very realistic representation of life with a newborn. There’s a scene in that where she takes her newborn baby along to her friends birthday meal and it definitely doesn’t go too great... I would ask your DP or a relative to watch the baby personally, if you’re adamant you must attend. Express milk if BFing.

I'd go with what Breakfast has suggested - that way your asking your friend to tell you if it's OK rather than telling you it's not so that's easier for her if that makes sense!

It's fine to ask. A baby that tiny won't change the tone of the occasion too much.

At two weeks old, I don't think I could have gone out for dinner...at six weeks we went to a wedding and had a great time, sans baby who was with my mother.

I'm assuming they are aware you're heavily pregnant so there's a possibility of a baby on the horizon?? I'd definitely say that it's fine to ask if it's ok to bring the babe. In my experience they tend to be passed around and cuddled lots so not much crying plus you get to eat with a baby on you (quite a rare experience in those first few weeks). Of course, you may not feel up to it, but it might also (if they say yes babe is welcome) be something to look forward to.

*eat without a baby on you even!

If you have a two week old baby, will you really want to go out for dinner?

Not unless other dc are invited to your friends birthday meal

Then no I wouldn't ask

You'll struggle to eat and socialise with a baby on your knee. Everyone else will want drinks and adult conversation without constant crying. Leave baby at home or don't go.

If I was having a birthday meal and invited my friend who was going to have a 2-6 week old baby I would assume that the baby would probably be coming with her. I would just ask if it was ok personally.

Took one of mine at ten days to a posh birthday party and a wedding the following day. She was very popular! Clearly if she'd kicked off we'd have left either event, but she didn't. It was lovely to get out and do something normal, but with the baby (but obviously we did check first that the hosts were OK with it).

I would wait until much nearer the time when you know what the situation will be. If your issue is whether to accept the invitation, I'd just say that you are hoping to go, but obviously with it being so near your due date, things are a bit up in the air.

You might even want to go on your own

Depends on the restaurant and other diners as well. If I'm going to a birthday meal with friends, I wouldn't want a baby there.

It wouldn't hurt to check

I make it standard practice when invited anywhere to ask (unless it's really obvious) whether the event is kid-friendly or kid-free, and decide accordingly whether I can go or not.

It’s an informal lunch at a venue I’ve been to before so know the set up. It won’t be a boozy affair as many going don’t drink and pretty much everyone will be driving. Baby will be very small so likely asleep or feeding so not the same as having to sit with an older baby on your knee and entertain them. Obviously if baby is going through a growth spurt and cluster feeding loads or has colic or something and would be miserable, I’m not even going to entertain going!

At that age they’re usually just sleeping or feeding anyway.

Does your friend have children or experience of them and understand what a newborn is like? If so, I’d ask.

If not, go with Breakfast’s more delicate suggestion and see if she suggests bringing baby.

I would ask. At that age they are generally very agreeable and lots of people love to cuddle

I wouldn't ask to go to the meal personally. Depending on venue though I'd ask if it would be okay for me to pop in for a drink and wish them well.