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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be really upset and anxious by how my son defied me?

132 replies

PukkaLovetea · 09/07/2018 19:57

My 7 year old pushed for Minecraft. I hate games, we have been very controlled about the use of them. But i realise that I can't abstain, so we both decided on Minecraft - which, while looking into it, I thought was creative and the best of the bunch.

He goes on the ipad at the weekend, for a controlled period. He's been super excited and we've encouraged it. He's been reading the books etc.

At the beginning we talked about playing solo, ALL THE DANGERS of ONLINE STRANGERS.

He's very smart. He gets it. We were very, very clear.

To cut a long story short, we found out tonight he's been texting others while playing...

He immediately confessed when asked.

I feel really upset and fucked off. The consequence has to be - for now at least - no Minecraft as he can't be trusted. We've had a HUGE conversation about why it's an important rule.

But I don't know how angry to be or how worried.

He's so fucking defiant. It drives me nuts.

OP posts:
SoddingUnicorns · 09/07/2018 20:17

What I mean is that it’s easier on a console to ensure it’s definitely offline rather than an iPad.

Wolfiefan · 09/07/2018 20:20

Fucking angry?
He's fucking defiant?
Apple doesn't fall far from the tree OP.

Scarlet1234 · 09/07/2018 20:20

He’s 7 years old. I don’t see why you’re getting so angry with him - you seem to be overreacting. I doubt he’s old enough to exercise enough self control to play online games unsupervised. In future make sure you either turn off the wi fi while he’s playing or play the game with him or while you’re in the same room. I let might be fun to play a game with him (either you or his dad) maybe get a multi player one - it could be a good opportunity for family time until he has the maturity to play unsupervised.

Butterymuffin · 09/07/2018 20:21

You're taking both your son's actions and the responses here really dramatically and personally. Are there other things going on in your life that are making you react like this?

Pengggwn · 09/07/2018 20:22

Linguistically, it sounds like you see your 7 year old as being on a par with you. "We decided", "I can't abstain" etc.

Just parent him. The answer is no.

WigglyBlossom · 09/07/2018 20:22

OP: AIBU?
MN: Yes.
OP: Angry

Why ask if you don't want people to disagree with you?

MrsJayy · 09/07/2018 20:26

I just don't understand the rage he is 7 years old and as for ranting at perfectly reasonable comments Confused

viques · 09/07/2018 20:27

"he's very smart. He gets it."

He's 7. Of course he doesn't get it.

I expect he can rattle off the green cross code as well, but you wouldn't let him cross busy roads on his own. I imagine he knows that fire burns , but you don't let him play with matches in his bedroom do you?

Because he is 7.

The person you should be having a go at is you.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 09/07/2018 20:27

If it’s the pocket edition then see here for instructions about how to turn it off: gaming.stackexchange.com/questions/184334/how-do-i-hide-chat-on-minecraft

You are massively overreacting though. You don’t need to be worried unless this has been going on for an extended period of time and you think he’s been groomed.

SnuggyBuggy · 09/07/2018 20:28

All kids push boundaries and make bad decisions in the face of temptation, it doesn't reflect badly on you. Give him a punishment, review his security settings and move on.

Original poster
PukkaLovetea · 09/07/2018 20:29

I haven't raged at my son. I swore when I expressed how defiant he is.

I was angry at the initial batch of posters who seemed to want to slay me for 'letting him do online games.' When clearly this wasn't the case. It felt very judgemental. What's the point of posting here, if everyone is going to judge me? It doesn't help.

OP posts:
Original poster
PukkaLovetea · 09/07/2018 20:30

Thank you Diana. We're going to sit down with the computer tomorrow and work out exactly what we obviously didn't do before.

I came on here to just vent. Maybe I am massively overreacting. I don't know.

OP posts:
Original poster
PukkaLovetea · 09/07/2018 20:31

And yes, of course, I am to blame for not making the game impenetrable. That shows ineptitude on my behalf.

OP posts:
tictoc76 · 09/07/2018 20:31

My son is 8 and he did the same - he was banned from games until he understood the consequences of not following the rules. He actually plays roblox now though which has the facility to manage his account so he cannot contact other players or be contacted by them.

To be honest I think it’s pretty normal behaviour - kids at school were giving out their usernames as they are allowed to chat online and he thought it was unfair they could and he couldn’t - kid so push boundaries - just hold firm

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 09/07/2018 20:31

And in general, just chill a bit OP. He sounds like a perfectly normal kid, not especially defiant.

SummerGems · 09/07/2018 20:32

Now see here’s the thing. For kids it’s really cool the first time they realise that they can talk to actual people online. In fact I thought it was pretty cool the first time I had any kind of live chat thing with a person online and I was in my 20’s then.

At the end of the day if you don’t want him to have access to these things then you say no. He’s seven. There is no having to give in - there really isn’t. And if you didn’t know the game was online why do you expect a seven year old to have known and to tell you? You’re being incredibly unfair on him if he went online while you were sat there and it was you who failed to realise.

If he has behavioural issues anyway then online gaming is the last thing you should be giving him access to.

titchy · 09/07/2018 20:33

Ranting and raving, and blaming your 7 yo doesn't help either does it.

Ask nicely for advice on how to lock down mine craft because you've realised you've screwed up will get you help and advice and support.

sakura06 · 09/07/2018 20:34

I would be concerned by my child having access to chat facilities too OP. Try to find a way to turn it off? If that's not possible, I'd have to ban the game. We have had to ban Roblox in our house for this very reason.

I'm not sure why people have been so rude to you. Confused

Original poster
PukkaLovetea · 09/07/2018 20:35

I shouldn't have got angry on here. Please accept my apologies. I was upset and dealing with other upsets at the same time. Not that there's any excuse

OP posts:
SummerGems · 09/07/2018 20:36

And tbh I wouldn’t punish him. I would lock down the online facility and leave it at that.

SoddingUnicorns · 09/07/2018 20:36

OP better here than in RL, I too don’t really get why you’ve had such a roasting.

We all need to vent sometimes!

MsJudgemental · 09/07/2018 20:36

What is so wrong with him chatting to his friends when they are all playing together? That’s part of the fun! Just make sure that he does not accept requests from people he doesn’t know. Sorted.

sakura06 · 09/07/2018 20:36

I don't think he's being defiant as such though, just a normal kid! I know it's scary when they don't understand or fully appreciate the dangers online though.

Ariela · 09/07/2018 20:38

Isn't 7 a bit young to be playing unsupervised on a laptop?
Or am I just oldfashioned?

rookiemere · 09/07/2018 20:39

We discovered that DS age probably about 9 at the time was chatting to strangers in his game. Didn’t shout or rage at him because the fault was on us for not locking down the controls properly and/or explaining it properly.

At the end of the day nothing bad has happened to your DS. You’ve both learnt a valuable lesson about parental control on devices which will make you as parents ultra-cautious going forward which is no bad thing.