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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh discussing my bits and boobs

96 replies

Stoveding · 09/07/2018 09:13

At a wedding and there was no food from 1pm start until lots of champagne at 3.

Everyone got pissed pretty fast. I got talking to a man who said he did ‘aesthetics’ so I asked if he meant faces etc. He said no, and somehow alluded he did up fannies. He told me a few stories about clients, some of whom had run off with other men as soon as their fannies were nice again.
Anyway dh butted in and said - I wouldn’t like a woman to have breast enhancement (they both looked at mine and agreed smaller was better), but if she wanted fanny surgery to make herself feel better that was ok.
I took this to mean I should have it, as ive often wanted to since kids. It felt like a green light and the man gave us his card.
Aibu to think this was all a bit i I? I feel ashamed remembering it now.

OP posts:
Dieu · 09/07/2018 09:16

they both looked at mine and agreed smaller was better

You should have asked them to whip out their penises, before agreeing with them wholeheartedly.

SneakyGremlins · 09/07/2018 09:18

This may be grasping at straws, but did he mean - clumsily - that he personally doesn't like the look of silicone filled tits? And that he's not fussed about a designer vagina but if you wanted one (as some women do after childbirth) he'd think it was your choice and would support you?

Bit of a dick with the using your breasts as an example though..

HollowTalk · 09/07/2018 09:20

Hmmmmm

Original poster
Stoveding · 09/07/2018 09:22

That was what he meant.
But it’s stayed with me that he wants me to have a designer vagina. Which I kind of do but I’m scared of operations

OP posts:
rosesandflowers1 · 09/07/2018 09:24

Oh that's awful! To be discussing your breasts while you were sitting right there - as a "better" option? How objectifying ...as if they have a right to say which types of surgery are "ok" on a woman anyway!

You were very composed OP. I had a similar situation with my DH a while back and I walked out.

I'd definitely have a word with him, not on.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 09/07/2018 09:24

I think it would be a bit of a mistake to take a drunken conversation about abstract stuff as any kind of hint or "green light". I also think I wouldn't get treatment from any plastic surgeon who would troll for patients while pissed at a wedding.

In closing, I think that if you want surgery and can pay for surgery then it's not required for your DH to give "permission", even if I personally think that many people have lost touch with the wide and healthy range of "normal".

rosesandflowers1 · 09/07/2018 09:25

it’s stayed with me that he wants me to have a designer vagina.

Don't have it if you don't want to. Definitely don't have it because he wants you to.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 09/07/2018 09:25

And he didn't say he wants you to have a designer vagina. He said if a woman, in the abstract, wanted it, he wouldn't object. Those are two very different things.

Don't stew on it, ASK HIM what he meant if it's bothering you.

FASH84 · 09/07/2018 09:31

I think it was a pissed clumsy way of saying I prefer my wife and the way she looks naturally but if SHE or any woman wanted vaginal surgery it is up to her not a man. Some women do after traumatic births etc I guess, not just for designer vaginas. I wouldn't have taken anything negative from it.

RosieWoodChelt · 09/07/2018 09:36

I am going for surgery to shape my vageena in the autumn and DH so supporting me. Go for it OP and enjoy the results.

Original poster
Stoveding · 09/07/2018 09:37

I would like to do it, honestly.
Not with that guy, with someone properly registered etc.

OP posts:
paceyswife · 09/07/2018 09:39

What the....is this an operation to make it tighter or to improve the look of the outer area Confused

OnlyBaBaBiss · 09/07/2018 09:40

Eurgh I find the word ‘fannies’ such a 13 year old boy way to say vagina Envy

lalalonglegs · 09/07/2018 09:40

The man you were speaking to isn't properly qualified to be doing these operations Shock?

Original poster
Stoveding · 09/07/2018 09:41

Labiaplasty only. I saw my go, and she said no on nhs, privately yes definitely.

OP posts:
Dieu · 09/07/2018 09:41

Can I ask a question about it? Does it improve sensation and actually make everything tighter down there, or is it done just for appearance's sake (i.e. so that the lips are tucked in a bit)?

Oh and I have no problem with this as a topic of conversation, but would still have an issue with them treating you like a piece of meat (by way of the boobs thing).

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 09/07/2018 09:41

I would like to do it, honestly.

Okay, I'm confused now. What do you actually want from this thread? If you really want to have the surgery, or for that matter DON'T want to have the surgery, what does your DH's view matter? What are you wanting from us here?

It's quite likely he doesn't even remember what he said. It's thoroughly gross the way men discuss their preferences for women's bodies like that is the number one factor women should take into account, and I would have verbally smacked them both for that at the time, but that ship has sailed, so. What do you want here? Because it feels like you're fishing for us to tell you that yes, he wants you to have a designer vagina and therefore you should do it.

Original poster
Stoveding · 09/07/2018 09:42

I’m not sure, I have lost his card. His website was all hosted in Eire and he was an African National. Perhaps not uk qualified. Doesn’t matter I wouldn’t use him.

OP posts:
Dieu · 09/07/2018 09:43

I wouldn't touch him with somebody else's bargepole!

midnightmisssuki · 09/07/2018 09:43

Sorry - but i would be so upset about this, discussing my body with someone i just met? This was not a consultation in the guys office - this was a wedding you were all attending, very unprofessional of your husband. And rude!

Original poster
Stoveding · 09/07/2018 09:45

I think that’s what I felt too midnightmiss.

OP posts:
rosesandflowers1 · 09/07/2018 09:45

I would like to do it, honestly.

In that case, get it done - but definitely not with that guy!

I'd still be pissed with my DH for discussing it at a wedding.

LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset · 09/07/2018 09:48

Um you do realise there are quite a few naturally big breasted slim women right?

Kittykat93 · 09/07/2018 09:52

Why should men have a say on whether a woman has breast implants or any other cosmetic surgery? I'm pretty sure if there was a penis enhancement operation some blokes would go for it! Your body, your bloody choice. If you want the op then go for it, if not then don't. Simple Smile

chrisinthesun · 09/07/2018 09:54
Hmm